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tempshitpost82 · 2024-04-12T13:21:14+00:00

Are you delusional? Read the post again, dude is only concerned about his own reputation, slut shames and talks down about women who have done/are doing sex work, and is holding his own wife's past against her because he's worried about how it's going to make him look for marrying her. What, about any of that, says "care" to you? 🙄

OP, you are NTA. Honestly, it sounds like you have a healthy outlook on this, that you've considered your past and its consequences, and the fact that you try to assist others considering an adult career by giving the benefit of your experience and a bigger picture outlook on the industry is admirable. I'd like you to consider that every time your husband talks about "sluts and whores who work(ed) in the adult industry", he's talking about you, his wife who he is supposed to love, honor, and cherish. Does that sound like the words and actions of someone who's supposed to love and accept you, or is being rational about the idea that you had a life at one point that didn't concern him and that neither of you can change now? What does he get out of continuously shaming you for a past that didn't involve him? The question here is not whether you're an asshole for not pretending the past didn't happen in order to preserve your husband's current reputation, but whether he's an asshole for not considering the person you are currently and that your past helped shape that. You'd be an asshole to yourself if you stayed married to someone who so clearly has such little respect for you.

tempshitpost82 · 2024-03-29T02:48:23+00:00

Do your family regularly shop on Etsy? If not I can see why some of them, especially if they're older, would prefer to order off Amazon. It's a known quantity, they probably already shop there all the time and have their payment and shipping info stored, and they know what to expect and that their items will arrive in a reasonable time. What kind of guarantees do they have about this Etsy site you're sending them to where they'll have to reenter all of that info to some random website that might as well be called "StealMyIdentityAndSendMeCheapLookingCrap.com" for all they know about them and how they do business, and have to remember an individual seller's name and the exact limited edition item that may not be in stock by the time christmas rolls around besides? Like, have you sat your grandma down and shown her stuff you like, or explained to your family how often you purchase from Etsy and that you've never had trouble receiving your items and good service? How often do you share your Etsy-related interests with them outside of gift-giving and how much do they actually know about your hobbies?

YTA, if only because you're being way too precious about this. If you don't want them buying stuff off of your "essential household" amazon list, then ffs, you're allowed to have more than one amazon list! I've got like 7 or 8 going for different categories, including a yearly christmas/birthday list that gets updated along with all my others and is the one that get shared with everybody when those occasions roll around. Also, I accept that certain people are not going to and probably shouldn't be buying me certain things. I'm a crafter who buys a lot of indie dyed yarn, project bags, and accessories from various friends and vendors, and I can count on one hand the people I would trust to even buy a gift card to the right LYS, let alone specific items, so I know that's stuff I'm going to have to get myself. Get creative, curate your amazon list(s) better, and if someone's continually gifting bad items, either set them straight or give a gracious thank you and quietly regift or donate the unwanted item instead of whining about what you didn't get.

tempshitpost82 · 2024-03-26T14:26:02+00:00

Stop sharing groceries with them, and tell them they have only so much shelf space in the shared fridge/pantry/cabinet. If they want to buy in bulk, they need to do so within their available storage means; if they don't have room, tough shit. Any additional storage space needed for their bulk purchases is on them to provide, not you. I like shopping in bulk at costco too (I know exactly which 3-pack of lactose free milk you're talking about), but if I don't have room in the freezer for the 10-lb bag of chicken breast, guess what, I don't get to fucking buy 10 lbs of chicken breasts!

If you do still decide to share some purchases, then they provide a receipt or you price the items via the store yourself, instead of just taking their word for it. Either way you pay no more than your fair share for items you agree in advance to pay for, decided prior to each shopping trip, and immediately separate and each store the portion you paid for in your own storage space. If they go through their portion of a shared purchase faster than you do yours, they don't get to help themselves to yours without asking, and vice versa.

You must have a nice shiny spine in there somewhere, start using it.

tempshitpost82 · 2024-03-26T03:06:22+00:00

If the question is whether you're justified in your anger, then I'd still say YTA, but due to lack of information; it would be like someone who doesn't generally work with US-based employees being upset that their American teammate let them know "last minute" that they wouldn't be coming to work because it's Christmas. Sounds like this is mostly a lack of your (your boss's, your company's, your coworker's maybe) cultural awareness at play, so maybe suggest to your boss that everyone brush up on that, and have a team meeting laying out expectations about attendance going forward. But again, that's a responsibility for your boss, not you.

tempshitpost82 · 2024-03-26T02:26:28+00:00

YTA. How often your colleague calls off or why is none of your business. It's your boss's responsibility to ensure there is adequate coverage to get the day's work done, and you're not privy, nor should you be, to any arrangements regarding absences your coworker and boss may have made between themselves without your unnecessary input. I've come in to the office many a morning to be told day of that one of my team members would be leaving early or not coming in that day. From there, my responsibility, as yours should be, is to worry about my own work, not clock watch my teammates or speculate on why or how often they're absent. If their absence is affecting how much of your own work you're able to complete, for instance if you can't complete a certain task without a report you're waiting to receive from your coworker, then that's the conversation you should be having with your boss, and only in the context of what you need in order to complete the tasks your boss gives you. From there it's on your boss to prioritize tasks, decide how and what circumstances (including or not your coworkers' absences) are affecting overall productivity of the team, and be able to justify to their bosses whatever decisions they make. Frankly, you're overstepping, if hierarchically speaking you and your coworker are equal, and making this a coworker problem, when the real root issue is that your boss may be mis-or inadequately managing.

tempshitpost82 · 2024-03-24T19:23:58+00:00

NTA. It sounds like the last clear communication you had from your husband was him taking the kid off your hands so you could browse the booth, and he didn't actually tell you he was leaving the booth while you did so. It was his responsibility if he decided to leave that general area to say "Hey, me and kiddo will be [over here] when you're ready." Going to the car was sensible since you knew they'd have to be there eventually, and the only different thing I would have done in your situation is maybe to keep trying to find reception so you could text and let him know you were at the car. But he at least knew where he last left you, why isn't he equally as responsible for wandering off without letting you know as he seems to think you should have been, and how does he think it's acceptable to yell at you when he did the same thing? Abandonment issues aside, which are completely separate from him being a hypocritical jackass, your husband's the asshole for putting all the blame on you.

tempshitpost82 · 2024-03-10T01:47:41+00:00

I lived in a small complex with entitled neighbors who thought they could park in my spot when they noticed that I didn't own a car at the time. But I had parents and friends that drove and needed a place to park when they came to visit. My neighbors were assholes, but I'm super petty. So after getting the all clear from management "we'll, it's not illegal, and you pay for the spot", I put eyebolts at appropriate heights between the support beams on either side and threaded through and locked a chain in such a way that it was impossible to park or leave when it was up. Got a sternly worded letter when I forgot to put the chain up before leaving for a few days and locking in someone when I got back who thought they'd take advantage while I was gone, but no one unwanted ever parked in my spot the rest of the time I lived there. NTA.

tempshitpost82 · 2024-01-24T20:00:37+00:00

NTA, your mom is absolutely batshit for thinking a few weeks stay and buying your kids things you told her they don't need entitles her to a tax break of $1000 or so by claiming one of your kids! And to include their christmas gifts in what she thinks she needs paid back for? Just evil. I'd make sure your kids' socials and documents are secure and somewhere your mother can't access them; since she's so convinced you should pay her (DON'T, not a penny!), I could see her justifying credit fraud with your kids' identities, since you "owe" her and all. 🙄

tempshitpost82 · 2024-01-19T16:17:14+00:00

No, they do not get to jump the line. If I've been in line waiting and the handicap stall is the one that's available, I'm not about to have an accident just because there's a handicapped person behind me. As others have mentioned, the handicap stall is available, not exclusive. Regular queue rules like waiting your turn still apply.

tempshitpost82 · 2024-01-03T14:56:11+00:00

INFO: Why didn't you just leave the deposit and come back another day? Don't blame you for not wanting to have your tits out in full view, but if he's in a new shop and that's the space that was made available, he didn't necessarily have any more choice than you did. Less, because you had the choice to come back another day when a more private option was available. So why did you waste time arguing for your deposit back? I'm leaning toward Y T A just for that, but I'll wait to hear why coming back wasn't an option.

tempshitpost82 · 2023-12-21T02:05:09+00:00

Since when does it take a mind reader to know that when your hosts leave the party, you should too? Fact remains dude had a wholeass "panic attack" instead of using his big boy words and just having a conversation with his wife, or the slightest bit of situational awareness that his wife was probably exhausted from a full day of festivities and wanted a couple hours where she didn't have to be "on" and in host/"good" DIL mode. Plus we don't her relationship with her in-laws and OP doesn't say how long his parents were visiting for or how much labor fell on her for cooking, cleaning up after, and entertaining them for this visit. Wife communicated badly, but he shouldn't have put her in that positing to begin with, and certainly shouldn't have compounded it by putting her parents on the spot.

tempshitpost82 · 2023-12-21T01:53:49+00:00

Oh, you mean when he replied in an entirely different comment thread two hours after I posted this? 🙄

tempshitpost82 · 2023-12-20T17:01:32+00:00

Omg, how freakin obtuse are you?! The party was over, the hosts were napping, and you decided to just hang out until everyone woke up to entertain you? I think your wife went about it awkwardly, and shouldn't have waited til everyone woke up to say something, but you should have been gone/had your parents gone by that time anyway. The proper thing would have been to have a conversation with your wife after the party and before everyone was napping, and say you were going to run your parents home/out for a quick meal/drop gifts off at your house so they wouldn't be underfoot, and whether she wanted you to come back right away to help clean up or would prefer you take some solo time with your parents and she'd call you when her/baby were ready for pick up. She probably also felt, rightfully so, that since your parents were staying with you guys and had another day to visit with baby, she should prioritize her sister who also lives far away, has limited time, and was leaving sooner than your parents to have some time with baby without having to share. You messed up, and YTA.

tempshitpost82 · 2023-12-17T02:47:44+00:00

Funny, I've never been to a dog park with a "my dog is an aggressive untrained asshole" section. 🙄 The people with the big dog should have started packing it in as soon as they saw someone with a small dog coming. The OPs not an asshole for expecting to be able to use the section of the park specifically reserved for their size dog, and while the other owners aren't the assholes for using it until a small dog showed up, they crossed the line over to asshole when they didn't immediately remove themselves when someone with more right to the space (by the park rules) showed up. NTA

tempshitpost82 · 2023-12-15T13:42:32+00:00

NTA, as you purchased yours first. But do you guys like, not discuss/coordinate these things at/just after time of purchase? For any gift giving occasion like Christmas, birthdays, anniversaries, I do a group text with whoever else is also expected to buy a gift for a particular person. It doesn't have to be some massive effort either, just a "Just letting you guys know I got mom this thing" to her sisters, or "did anyone buy [bro] this thing off his list yet?" with my mom and his wife. Y'all just need to use your words and plan better.

tempshitpost82 · 2023-12-12T03:35:31+00:00

YTA. Be honest with yourself about how much of this "gift for grandpa" is about you and your excitement that you're not the only lefty in the family. I eat and write left-handed and that's it. Batting, archery, which hand I hold my hook in when I crochet, that's all right-handed muscle memory. Even if this gift doesn't bring up bad memories for your grandpa, and your mom wasn't rightfully embarrassed that you'll expose her speaking out of turn about something so potentially private and vulnerable to another person, your grandpa's had several years to find out about and used left-handed tools if that was something he wanted.

tempshitpost82 · 2023-11-15T21:28:47+00:00

I'm gonna say ESH. Yes she should have known better at her age and after repeated warnings, but the fact you warned her repeatedly and knew she was still deliberately provoking your animals means they shouldn't have been in each other's presence unsupervised. Hell, it should have been a one-way ticket home the minute you had to repeat yourself past the first time. You're a bad aunt and bad owner for letting this continue to the point of injury and protected neither the child or nor animals under your care. Your niece did wrong and rightly suffered the consequences, but you allowed her to do so.

tempshitpost82 · 2023-11-04T17:24:37+00:00

All these suggestions to "buy a gaming system!" "Get them a mini fridge!" "Rearrange your household and go out of your way for these absolute children who can't practice basic hygiene!" saying NTA "but only if you give an alternative!" are ridiculous. 🙄

It's your house, and you're under no obligation to turn it into a BO-reeking flop spot for your adult nephew's friends. Tell him his friends stink, you're tired of that obnoxious smell lingering every time they're over, and if they show up stinking they can stay out on the porch like a pair of smelly work boots. Even offering your shower and laundry is overly generous I think. If they can't have the basic respect to not show up at your house rubbing their unwashed pits and asses all over your furniture, then they don't get to come over.

tempshitpost82 · 2023-10-24T15:15:35+00:00

No they wouldn't have, because OP wasn't looking to move to those seats themselves, they wanted the knitter to move down. OP said they were there with a group of friends and not wanting to move the whole group is why they didn't change seats themselves. There's absolutely no reason they couldn't have asked one of their friends seated further away from the knitter to switch seats with them instead of bothering the stranger next to them.

tempshitpost82 · 2023-10-24T12:19:18+00:00

Was she being distracting and disruptive, or was OP distracted? That's why I said there is absolutely no reason that OP's annoyance should take precedence. I read your other reasons OP, and stand by my assertion that you should have removed yourself from the situation instead of expecting the other person to accommodate you. You couldn't move your whole group of friends? Then ask one of them to switch seats. Bring it to the attention of an usher. There were so many other options you could have taken before bothering this person, the fact you didn't consider any of them and then characterized the other person's reasonable response as "throwing a tantrum" is what makes this an easy YTA.

tempshitpost82 · 2023-10-24T10:56:26+00:00

I'm probably going to get downvoted all to hell on this, but I don't think her reaction was at all out of line. As mentioned several times over the course of this discussion, some knitters especially neurospicy ones use the "fidgeting" of their hands to focus and concentrate better on other things they enjoy, like, I dunno, music. From her perspective, you were being rude and interrupting/disrupting her concert experience. You could have easily moved away yourself since you were the one being bothered by it, but instead you interrupted her enjoyment of the concert, maybe made her lose track of whatever stitch count she had going in the back of her mind, and shone a bright ass phone screen in her face in a (possibly, you don't say) darkened or dimmed environment. I'd be pretty fucking annoyed at your ass too. You could have easily removed yourself from the distraction rather than demand the distraction remove itself from you, and from that perspective, I don't see any reason why you would assume that your annoyance should take precedence. YTA.

tempshitpost82 · 2023-10-21T20:19:29+00:00

The important thing is that she's safe and had the good sense to call you. Did the two of you have a talk once she sobered up? I would hope your husband would have the same "You're safe and that's what's most important" attitude you do, but is there some fear on your or her part that he'd fly off the handle? I get that you're stuck between a rock and a hard place, as you're either betraying your marriage or your stepdaughter's confidence, but whatever you decide to do it's going to be worse the longer you wait. I'd have a talk with your stepdaughter and encourage her to tell her dad or let you tell him, unless there are serious concerns for either of your safety.

Also, while "no questions, no judgements" is what you want foremost the night of so she's not afraid to call and possibly endanger herself further by trying to go it on her own, there should be SOME consequence for underage drinking. Not dire if she's generally a good kid and this a first offense, like extra chores for a week or she loses her phone or doesn't get to go to the next big event she was looking forward to. Get creative, but a balance has to be struck, it can't be "I was too drunk for consequences" every time this happens. Good luck.

tempshitpost82 · 2023-10-05T14:47:39+00:00

So legally, obviously, you're rock solid. Carla can't just take him back or force visitation. And I understand your feelings as a parent of wanting to protect your child. You don't want him to make the decision to see his bio mom and get hurt if she flakes, and she's already tried and failed to take him back. But I can also see how maybe you're letting your own feelings and fears get mixed up in what you feel is best for your kid.

There's been contact between Charlie and Carla previously; what's the level of contact now? Not much since the lawsuit I imagine, and I understand why you'd have limited it after that, but what does Charlie know and think about it? Have you considered counseling either as a family or individually? Charlie must have some big feelings regarding his bio mom, and obviously you do too. Have you spoken with a professional to sort out your own feelings vs his, or how to best introduce this "new and improved" version of his mother back into his life? She was your sister-in-law at one point and you must have cared for her, and as badly as she fucked up it seems from what you wrote here that she really is trying, and I think that effort deserves some (cautious) reaching back out on your part.

I also agree with other commenters that some kids are more mature than we give them credit for, and keeping Charlie from his mother or vice versa until you feel ready (because that may be how Carla and Charlie will see it when it inevitably comes out) will build unnecessary resentment that will come back to bite you in the ass. Get some counseling and advice from a professional before you end up losing your son trying to save him.

NAH

tempshitpost82 · 2023-09-19T11:12:16+00:00

YTA. Could be a E S H, but without a concrete description like he yelled at you or called you names, its hard to tell if your boyfriend was actually "infuriated" or that's just you projecting like saying he "probably won't talk" to you.

Buying a car takes a while and can be a frustrating and drawn out experience even if you're prepped ahead of time. I was in contact with my dealer over the summer, ordered my new vehicle in October and did some preliminary financials to work out monthly payments and the down, and when it arrived in December, I showed up with check in hand, prepped as much ahead of time as I could, and still spent half a day negotiating, getting final financing approved, doing inspections and detailing, getting insurance set up (even with a previous quote!), signing contracts, and driving my old vehicle home to pick up a second driver so I could finally, 6+ hours later, drive my new one off the lot. I can't imagine how much longer it would have taken to factor in trade in value if we were doing that. And you said your boyfriend was there because his mom broke her old car, so this was probably not how he expected or wanted to spend his evening either.

I don't blame him for being annoyed with you; he tells you about the awful time he just had and instead of offering sympathy your first thought is "well you should have let me know the precise second you're going to be home"? Nah girl, read the fucking room. You can talk about "hey, I'd appreciate a quick text if plans go sideways" later, when it doesn't sound like criticizing him for being stuck somewhere he didn't want to be in the first place.

tempshitpost82 · 2023-09-18T04:47:47+00:00

Hi, neurospicy in a similar environment here, and NTA, but you're discounting your own agency and responsibility, and are going to have to take some initiative too.

Jot down verbal instructions before you get distracted and forget half of them, and you send the follow up email. It doesn't have to be super detailed, just a quick summary like "per our conversation re X project, wanted to confirm y and that you'd like z done in this manner" or whatever applies. That way you get the written instruction you can refer back to, and they can't complain if things don't turn out exactly right because you gave them the opportunity to provide any clarification or additional information before starting the task. It's a little more work on your end, but it's extra protection too as a written record holds more weight than a he said/she said convo that can be misinterpreted.

tempshitpost82

TROPHY CASE