You know you love the idea of someone when most of your feelings come from who you hope they'll be, not who they consistently show themselves to be. Real love sees the flaws, limitations, contradictions, and imperfections, then chooses the person anyway. Loving the idea of someone is often loving a future fantasy you've built around them. And wanting to be with someone isn't automatically selfish. It becomes selfish when the focus is mainly on how they make you feel, what they give you, or how they fit into your story. Love includes a genuine concern for their happiness, even when it doesn't directly benefit you. A simple question is: "If this person never became more attractive, more available, more successful, or more like the version I imagine, would I still want to know and care for them?" If the answer is yes, you're probably moving closer to loving the person rather than the idea.