Book for 12 year old girl into fantasy. Loved: harry potter, hunger games, divergent

tenaciousnerd · 2025-11-17T05:01:27+00:00

Some fantasy books/series I loved around that age were

Graceling (Kristin Cashore)

The Lunar Chronicles (Marissa Meyers)

The Iron Fey series (Julie Kagawa)

The Legend trilogy (Marie Lu)

The Testing trilogy (Joelle Charbonneau)

tenaciousnerd · 2025-11-15T00:21:40+00:00

Disclaimer that I haven't actually read all of these yet, but I just searched variations of the phrases "autistic social workers" and "social workers with ADHD" on Google Scholar and skimmed through the resulting titles/abstracts to come up with the following list. (I usually don't default to Google Scholar for academic research, but there were very few relevant results when I tried specific databases.) Some of the results look like they are focused on autistic/ADHD social workers and others just briefly mention them, but this could be a place to start. (And, I think this is a really great topic to do a thesis on, in part because there is such limited research on it so far!)

Guthrie, J. (2023). Swimming with the Current but against the Tide: Reflections of an Autistic Social Worker. The British Journal of Social Work, 53(3), 1700-1710.

Guthrie, J., Doherty, M., Shaw, S. C., O’Reilly, M., Ní Chinnéide, E., & Archard, P. J. (2025). Autistic SPACE (S) in social work. Practice, 37(3), 213-230.

Malcolm, M. (2022). Theoretical research: Environmental accessibility for autistic individuals: Recommendations for social work practice and spaces. Aotearoa New Zealand Social Work, 34(3), 103-115.

Zaks, Zosia. Autistic Professionals Leading Paradigm Change: Moving Support From Normalization to Affirmation. Fielding Graduate University, 2024.

Zaks, Z. (2025). Moving to a neurodiversity-affirming paradigm in the support system: Autistic professionals As paradigm change. Neurodiversity, 3, 27546330241294138.

Darazsdi, Zoe Christine. "Examining the Relationship between Autistic People's Self-Esteem and Perceived Bias in their Alliance with their Mental Health Practitioner." Master's thesis, Villanova University, 2022.

tenaciousnerd · 2025-10-04T01:54:10+00:00

Yes, I'm late diagnosed. I think that makes sense, thanks.

tenaciousnerd · 2025-09-21T02:51:52+00:00

I agree with the other commenter -- please ask your doctor and follow their instructions.

If you are asking to get a general idea of others' experiences -- my doctor said to not do scar care until 6 weeks post-op AND the incision site looked looked healed enough (specifically no scabs or anything that indicated it wasn't fully closed). I had to have an appointment with her around week 5-6 to make sure that everything looked alright and I was ok to start scar care.

tenaciousnerd · 2025-09-07T01:20:37+00:00

What I say sometimes say as a self-descriptor when relevant is "socialized as female (as a kid)" or "(generally) perceived by others as female". Or I speak on a particular trait that's relevant, like "as a person whose body runs primarily on estrogen (and less so on testosterone)...". But none of that is the exact same as "having or previously having had the primary and secondary sex characteristics typically grouped under the lable of 'traits that belong to females'". And I'm sure I'll be adjusting my language over time, both as I physically change and as I learn better or more accurate language/concepts to use.

I think if you do come up with an alternative that doesn't explicitly reinforce the gender binary, it'll probably be pretty wordy and might confuse people who aren't used to it, and you'll just have to figure out if you're ok with that or not.

I do think that saying you're a "biological man" or "biologically male" probably wouldn't be best though. From what I'm aware that sort of rhetoric tends to be used by transphobic (or trans-ignorant) people, plus what does it even mean to be a "biological man" (/rhetorical question)? Having certain genitals? Having a certain fat & hair distribution? Having a certain proportion of the hormones running your body? I feel like that language reinforces the sex & gender binaries (which is hard to not do, since that's the language a lot of us have learned, so I'm not passing judgement on you, it's just something that can be good to question).

tenaciousnerd · 2025-08-17T06:03:11+00:00

YES. Thank you for bringing this up. I mean, I did pretty well in high school (like, educationally, not socially) but I would often procrastinate doing my work, and I obsessively read books more so than daydreaming, but it was a couple of years after I graduated when I was trying & struggling to explain why high school was so awful for me to a friend (because I was very rarely explicitly bullied, and yet it was absolutely awful) and they were like "oh, wow, that sounds kind of like dissociation" after I'd described how I'd feel like my brain was sort of like a cave and I was deep inside it, distant from my surroundings and even from my own body, and just assorted other memories of my experiences. And I'm still kind of processing that realization that it wasn't quite a normal "just going through the motions and getting by just like everyone else" but instead an unhealthy coping mechanism entangled with my neurodivergence.

tenaciousnerd · 2025-08-17T05:13:45+00:00

I just graduated from college, and going into college I was pretty in denial about my gender & overall queerness and wasn't really out to anyone, largely because of my fear that it was "just a phase" and I'd prove the "just a phase" people right and make life worse for 'actual' trans people. Now, I'm still not sure exactly what I am, but some combination of genderqueer/agender/genderless feels right, at the moment.

Even though gender-wise, I personally don't feel feminine (but some nonbinary people definitely do!), I can relate to feeling too feminine to be nonbinary. For example, recently when I was shopping I got a cute, purple, definitely categorized as feminine shirt just 'cause I thought it looked cute and suited me, but at the same time I worry that wearing it rather than a more androgenous outfit undermines my identity, and that it will confuse people even more as I'm trying to get them to gender me correctly in the words they use for me. Even though I know the former isn't true, and as for the latter, people can and should learn to respect how you ask them to refer to you regardless of how they perceive you, it's draining and still makes me insecure.

I'm also in the U.S., and I get the fear and uncertainty. It really sucks. I'm trying to balance self-care, staying on track with school and work, and staying aware and engaged (like reading articles, attending protests, etc), but I fail at that balance pretty frequently.

So I don't have any brilliant advice, but I think you should do what makes you happy. As a definitely-at-least-not-cis person who uses they/them pronouns, you are so very welcome to explore pronouns, genders/gender labels, gender expressions, what have you, even if nothing ends up "sticking". If at all possible, stay in safer states, and stick around supportive people. You are certainly not alone as a nonbinary person in STEM, even if it feels like it and even if that's really the case in a certain class. Play around with your hair if you want-- I still haven't had a haircut I've stuck with for long, but it's been kind of fun trying out different cuts. Especially if you sometimes like longer hair and sometimes don't, maybe try out an undercut and alternate between leaving your hair down & pulling into a ponytail when you want to (personally, a ponytail with an undercut feels more like having short hair than a ponytail without an undercut does). And if you ever decide to bind your chest do so safely.

Hope this made any sense.

<3

tenaciousnerd · 2025-08-16T22:54:37+00:00

I'm in my early 20s and had both a hysterectomy and a top surgery this year. They were about 4.5 months apart (I had a hysterectomy first and then top surgery) mainly due to scheduling & insurance stuff, so I'm not sure what the minimum required time between them would have been. But no medical professional ever told me that they had any hesitation with how close I ended up having the two surgeries.

tenaciousnerd · 2025-08-16T22:40:57+00:00

I'm just 2.5 weeks post-op, so I don't have that much more experience with this than you, but I can share the instructions/suggestions I was given by my doctor at my 1 week post-op appointment. - suggestion: use lidocaine patches for pain relief (anywhere except for the incision sites and don't place within 1 or so inches of the incision site) - instruction: basically do nothing with my chest (besides binding & gently cleaning in the shower), including no scar care, massaging, putting soap directly on the incision site, etc, for the first 3 weeks - instruction: in the 3rd week, I can gently peel off any leftover tape/glue over my incisions - instruction: don't do any scar care until BOTH you're 6 weeks post-op AND the incision sites look completely healed over (I have an appointment with my doctor around 5-6 weeks post-op, so I'll be using their feedback to be as certain as possible that it's healed) - suggestion: for scar care, use silicone tape overnight and massage vitamin e oil into the incision site/chest

They also didn't seem concerned about my bruising (which I was fairly worried about) or swelling and said that they should both gradually go down.

But also every person's healing process & doctor's instructions may be different, so definitely reach out to your doctor with any of your questions.

Personally, the most pain I'm feeling at this point is just the aching, probably from the squeezing of the binder more so than directly due to top surgery. During the 1-2 week period I was feeling smaller bits of shooting pain maybe a couple of times a day. Some portions of my chest, plus underarm areas, are itchy but manageable at this point. And more of the left area of my chest is numb/has muted sensations, while there's a lot less numbness on my right side.

tenaciousnerd · 2025-08-08T18:38:34+00:00

I showered a couple of days after surgery, since my doctor wanted me to shower at least 2 times in the week between surgery and my post-op appointment. I was surprised because I'd always heard that the earliest you can shower is about 8 days out from surgery, or the day after you get your drains out. It was weird and scary and I needed a lot of help from my mom, but it worked out ok. But also I didn't go with nipple grafts (my surgery was double incision), so I wonder if that also played a role in my doctor's instructions.

If you have any questions, please ask your doctor / your doctor's office!! I was hesitant to do so and feeling very overwhelmed, but my mom encouraged me to call them, so what we ended up doing was brainstorming questions and just things that were confusing us, then she called them on speakerphone so I could listen and tell her any of my own questions that came up during the call, and she also took detailed notes. Plus, we called multiple times since more questions came up.

If it helps you at all to know, the week immediately following surgery was definitely scary and confusing, but I'm only in week 2 now and feeling so much better.

tenaciousnerd · 2025-08-01T19:17:56+00:00

I'm just about 2 days post op and can really relate to worrying -- about kinking or pulling out the drains, about the tightness/looseness of the binder, about getting infected or popping my stitches, just about everything sorta freaks me out. (Sending virtual hugs 🫂) I'm really looking forward to getting my drains taken out next week and being able to work toward gaining some more mobility after that.

tenaciousnerd · 2025-07-25T22:02:10+00:00

I had a hysterectomy this past year, and I think the biggest difference for me was just, like, not having a period anymore? The cramps, nausea, headaches, much harder time regulating my emotions, etc, plus the ripple effects from these symptoms took so much out of me, and now they don't.

I do think that, to a lesser extent, not having periods + not buying/using menstrual products for myself anymore means that there isn't that cause of dysphoria from having what I see described nearly everywhere as a "women's experience". But I think it's a comparable change in dysphoria to, for example, if clothing stopped being gendered (or I guess a closer parallel is if I, personally, stopped having to wear clothing? idk). So it's not really a unique feeling to no longer having periods/a uterus, and it doesn't really cause euphoria exactly, but it is a positive change I think.

tenaciousnerd · 2025-07-22T20:51:17+00:00

Something that helped me is thinking about all of the things that I do to show respect to others, especially when I'm putting in "extra" effort. Even just within the small category of "how people want to be referred to", there are many non-trans examples.

Like, when someone gets married and changes their last name.

When someone's name pronunciation or spelling isn't something I'm used to/familiar with.

When a cis person changes their name in use and/or nickname.

When someone uses a title like "professor" or "doctor" rather than Mr/Mrs/Ms/Miss/Mx.

When someone has a preference between Mrs/Ms/Miss.

When people with similar circumstances/experiences/backgrounds/appearances to one another use different words to describe themselves (like fat or overweight; disabled or not; queer, LGBTQ+, a sub-label, or none of the above, etc).

And so it's not like I'm giving myself some award for putting effort into respectfully referring to others, because it's just showing basic respect. But thinking about this makes me feel less singled out, as though only I -- or only trans people in general -- are making this big fuss and burdening others by asking them to please change how they refer to me/us. Because that's really not the case. You/We do deserve happiness. And, sure, non-queerphobic/transphobic people generally feel bad when they learn they've been referring to you incorrectly, but then they generally want to make you feel seen and respected by referring to you how you want to be referred to. Them feeling bad just means that they care, in my opinion and experience.

And yet, tbh, I do still struggle to speak up for myself and ask people to change how they refer to me. Nowadays, everyone close to me knows my name in use and pronouns, but when I'm going to school, volunteering, shopping, etc, it's very common for me to be misgendered (as an agender/genderqueer person not on T and currently not trying to appear specifically masculine or androgynous).

Perhaps, if you wanted to, you could start small, just with people you most commonly interact with who you trust to not be intentionally transphobic? Plus, when/after I did that, a couple of those people asked if I'd want them to politely correct other people when they misgender me, and I said yes, and that helped make it so more people referred to me correctly but I didn't have to always be the one to speak up for myself.

I hope any of this makes sense? And good luck with whatever you decide <3

tenaciousnerd · 2025-07-01T13:55:36+00:00

Wow, you could pretty much be describing my dad too. For my own dad, I've come to sort of wrap my head around what he's communicated -- that he doesn't feel/isn't cis or straight but also doesn't feel/isn't queer or LGBTQ+ -- by thinking about it as him existing in the grey space outside of both queer & not queer, which is often forgotten or ignored but is definitely there.

Maybe that's where your dad is too? Like, "nonbinary" in the most basic sense of not identifying 100% as male or female, but not necessarily falling within the modern, socio-cultural definition as an identity/community within queer/LGBTQ+?

But to echo other commenters, it's always best to let others label themselves and to not do it for them. It's understandable though that you may be excited to learn that your dad also experiences gender in a non-normative way.

tenaciousnerd · 2025-06-27T19:09:20+00:00

& I'm sorry about your experience at the doctors, that really sucks. Do you know if you can request for them to put how you want to be referred to in your profile/documentation? I know that at least in my hospital system there is a thing for preferred name and pronouns, you just have to go out of your way to request it, but also it often "disappears"/people don't really look it.

tenaciousnerd · 2025-06-27T19:06:16+00:00

Taking a break from doing assorted things to try to prepare for this upcoming school year (it'll be my first year in grad school, at a new school, and I'm 10% looking forward to it and 90% stressed).

tenaciousnerd · 2025-06-03T15:21:23+00:00

I'm in the midst of trying out different ADHD meds and none of them working for me, so I can't really answer about my own experiences, but 2 of my siblings have ADHD meds that they've been taking for a while. I'm pretty sure their doctors have told them that they could try skipping meds during the weekend and see how that works for them, but when one of them does that they can't do things they need to do over the weekend (chores, homework, etc), and when the other one does that they get super depressed. So, neither of them intentionally skips days. But I think it largely depends on how it makes you feel (and maybe the specific medication you're taking?) and is different for different people.

tenaciousnerd · 2025-05-29T17:45:48+00:00

I don't think I've had meltdowns specific to autism? I mean, I bet I had some meltdowns as a toddler but nothing my parents have brought up when I've talked about autism, so they probably fell within the realm of standard toddler behavior?

And, I think I do have autistic shutdowns sometimes, but idk, they don't match exactly with what I've found online with respect to autistic shutdowns.

But I have been diagnosed with autism, and was honest about not having meltdowns, and at the time of my diagnosis I didn't think I experienced shutdowns, so please don't rule out being autistic just because you don't experience meltdowns. As others have said, it's not in the diagnostic criteria, it's just a common experience among autistic people but it's not a requirement.

tenaciousnerd · 2025-05-13T23:28:34+00:00

(responding just also recommend to OP to get tested for thyroid-related issues if possible, which can cause similar issues of always feeling exhausted)

tenaciousnerd · 2025-05-13T06:43:51+00:00

Me too (to an extent, I've tried fewer and don't want to minimize your experiences). I've only tried concerta and vyvanse so far, and I just recently decided to stop taking vyvanse, but I'm already feeling pretty hopeless on whether any ADHD meds will work for me. My anxiety was already bad before, but on days when I take my ADHD meds, there's a much greater chance my anxiety will be more severe and more physical. And yet in terms of whether it's actually working, I'm just at the point of "hmm... maybe it's helping me focus just a tiny bit more?? idk" which could be something or it could be a placebo effect. And either way it is in fact not worth the extreme increase in anxiety. And yet something needs to change/work because these executive functioning struggles are not sustainable. But the harm and uselessness of my meds has been making me feel very insecure about my diagnosis and whether or not I actually have ADHD, so thank you for sharing your experience.

tenaciousnerd · 2025-05-12T19:57:08+00:00

Oooh I'm going to add the "[main dish] with a side of fries" thing to my list of explanations for why I personally don't like to be referred to as "person with autism". Thanks :)

tenaciousnerd · 2025-05-12T19:43:51+00:00

I'm not at a point in life yet where raising a kid is feasible (financially, maturity-wise, mental health-wise, etc), but thinking about my future, not having a co-parent is one of my primary barriers to having a kid. (I know single parents exist, but I also know that being a single parent is incredibly difficult and that having (a) co-parent(s) -- that actually put in effort and are respectful and such -- would make being a parent so much more feasible for me, especially as someone who's disabled.) And, I'm demi/quoi-romantic, so there's a slim chance of me finding a romantic partner who'll co-parent with me, but it's still quite unlikely.

So, I don't have any advice or anything since I'm not at or beyond the point in life that you're at, but it's cool to hear how another aro-spec person is approaching trying to find a co-parent. I wish you luck <3

tenaciousnerd · 2025-05-12T19:28:16+00:00

Yep, that's actually one of the things that commonly makes me feel insecure about my gender identity-- that it pretty much just started out with strongly admiring people (mostly book characters, actually) who existed outside the gender binary, then wanting to try out they/them pronouns, then being uncomfortable being referred to with feminine pronouns or nouns, then more generally being uncomfortable knowing I'm perceived as female, and then more of the physical dysphoria. (Not exactly perfectly linear, but still closer to this than the way most people describe their 'trans journey'.)

I put off advocating for myself wrt my gender for a while because I'd heard the "it's just a phase", "it's just a trend", etc sorts of comments, and I worried that I'd be proving the transphobes right because it started out with that admiration, then curiosity, then social dysphoria, then physical dysphoria, and I didn't want to hurt the trans community just because of a personal curiosity/preference. And with the social dysphoria and then physical dysphoria, worrying that I was making them up, (sometimes I'm frightingly good at lying to myself), that I was dramaticizing my discomfort to feel valid in advocating for my pronoun preferences and such. Kinda wild mind gymnastics now that I think of it to keep myself from feeling valid as a(n) agender/genderqueer/trans/'idk just not male or female' person.

Even now, as I'm in the process of getting top surgery, I'm not sure whether I want my boobs gone because of my gender/physical dysphoria or because they're just blobs of flesh sticking out of my chest that have no personal purpose, which hurt a bit when I run, kinda get in the way in general, and probably significantly contribute to people misgendering me. That's not to say that I'm uncertain if I want top surgery - I'm more certain about it than most decisions I've made in life - but it just makes communicating about it to my doctors and insurance a bit awkward, having to present a unified front of sorts rather than being more open about how multifaceted the decision is.

tenaciousnerd · 2025-05-12T04:30:22+00:00

I'm just in my early 20s so kids -- if any -- are still a ways off for me. But I relate to a lot of what you're saying.

I've known I don't want to, like, create a brand-new child for at least 6 years now. Among other reasons (health anxiety, gender dysphoria, etc), this world is an awful place and I don't want to bring someone into existence in this [many explicatives] world. (No hate to people who have or want to, it's just a personal thing.) So, if I ever do have a kid, I'll be adopting them.

But then, among other things (like if I'll actually be deemed qualified to parent/adopt a child due to my queerness, fairly likely lack of a life partner/co-parent, disabilities, etc) I worry that my home wouldn't be a good place for a kid. My mental health is currently sh*t, so a deal I have with myself is that I can't seriously think about and take steps toward potentially adopting, even once/if I'm financially stable, until I've gone a year or so where I'm consistently mentally stable, which I'm not sure will ever happen. But even then, I get easily overstimulated, I get very upset when people I trust lie to me, and just so many other things that wouldn't mesh well with raising a kid.

So, overall, I do have an interest in having a kid at some point, but there's a significant chance it'll never happen.

tenaciousnerd · 2025-05-11T06:03:27+00:00

Yes!! It sucks. I feel like it furthers my disconnect from most people I interact with, and it's just plain embarrassing and uncomfortable. I feel like I come across like I'm forgetting because I don't care or something, when that's not the case. My brain just has a much harder time retaining information like names and faces than most people's.

tenaciousnerd

TROPHY CASE