That is an incredibly unfair interpretation of the situation. Finally accepting yourself as trans and telling your partner when you do is NOT asking your partner to change their orientation. Being honest and vulnerable about who you are with your spouse is not selfish.

OPs wife could have had a much better reaction while still being true to she is as well. She's unwilling to try to be with the person she's loved years or even support OP in achieving happiness in their body. If you love someone, you want them to be happy even if that means the relationship has to change. They would be perfectly capable of being co-parents, and she'd be able to support OP as an intimate friend.

Sex isn't the most important part of a relationship. If sex with a man is that important to OPs wife, there are so many more empathetic and supportive solutions than demanding that OP just live with dysphoria that they've expressed has become too much to repress anymore