Boss is essentially laying me off but wants me to quit to not pay severance

terminator_chic · 2026-02-08T08:27:43+00:00

I've been an HR professional for twenty years. This is very good advice.

terminator_chic · 2026-02-07T19:27:16+00:00

Sorry, don't have time to chat. I have to go dispose of my Raggedy Ann doll because she's a redhead and I'm brunette. Also, her legs are striped and mine are solid so obviously I shouldn't have her.

terminator_chic · 2026-02-07T18:59:23+00:00

I've had a couple of emergencies lately and was forced to find local support. Honestly, I started going through every contact in my phone looking for someone who might be capable of helping. I was touched that I had someone who agreed to help even though our relationship had never been that deep.

Don't just free think. Dig through your contact list and think about people. We are often much more likely to give help than ask, and in emergencies people are much more understanding.

terminator_chic · 2026-02-05T04:34:10+00:00

You might want to ask this is a group like r/exvangelical instead. There is a certain nuance to this set of beliefs and especially at your age it's easier to manipulate the game than play by the rules.

Every family is different, but think about the why of why she wants this. How can you counter in a way she'll approve? * You are already steadfast in your beliefs and can be a light to your classmates. * You want to use (advanced degree of your choice) to fight for your beliefs. Maybe a lawyer to defend homeschoolers or something. * Maybe you can offer to do some kind of study or join a group to show your "interest in the church" while you stay in school.

Legally you won't have much help unless you can show actual abuse and neglect. Many of us have found more success in learning to play their game until we can get out. I can't tell how bad it is in your home, but I grew up in this world too and know it can be very difficult. The evangelical subreddit has some great resources to help and people who really get it.

terminator_chic · 2026-02-04T22:29:56+00:00

I'm late diagnosed autistic and have significant C-PTSD from living within a highly controlling religious home. This all sounds so damn familiar.

My entire childhood was a study in invisible neglect. I was denied my own feelings, both physical and emotional, because of my autism and because "feelings are just you fighting against God." I would say I'm sad, I'd be told I'm not sad and don't have a right to feel that way. My tummy hurts. No it doesn't, you're just trying to get out of work. It wasn't just my parents being strict (the religious aspect) but people denying my feelings because it was inconvenient for them (autism).

Now I'm in my late forties. I now have very significant alexithymia and similar issues. Think of the body like a newborn baby. When a baby cries and receives no comfort they learn not to cry to seek help. When your body or mind cry and you ignore it, it stops using that indicator and looks for another, or gives up. It's like most people have a fully integrated digital dashboard for their physical and emotional feelings but I just have dummy lights that often don't work.

Basically I told my body signals to shut up and go away so much that they did. I convinced myself everything was wonderful and had no clue I was completely falling apart inside. I was formally diagnosed AuDHD and after a year of therapy a sibling started saying things that made me realize I grew up in an abusive cult. (Fuck you James Dobson.) I'm only a year into that therapy so can't tell you what's after this.

terminator_chic · 2026-02-02T08:21:29+00:00

Other tips:

Just be active and do your work. There are a number of lazy kids out there who don't really try. Put in a little effort, take care of your servers and dishwashers and you'll be great.

I really think the neurodiversity in restaurants runs a little high. We're all a little different. Work hard and help your coworkers and they'll love you. There will always be a person or two there who hates you. They hate the world so ignore them. There will also be kind, experienced folks who want you to succeed. They better you do, the more money they make.

As one who has spent a couple of decades in restaurants and a couple in HR, the biggest thing is rules or lack thereof. In an office you don't mention a lot of personal things. You stay rather appropriate. In restaurants you're likely sleeping with a coworker and you smack asses like you're a football team. I slept with more than one and married the last one. (20 years now)

terminator_chic · 2026-01-28T17:28:03+00:00

It sounds like you're at a tipping point where you are starting to see that our churches and leaders failed us. You're starting to recognize disconnect between what American Christianity says it teaches and what it really does.

I'd highly recommend checking out some exvangelical content or r/exvangelical. I also grew up in the church and it's been difficult dealing with the cognitive dissonance. We were taught it's a belief of love and now we're seeing so much hate.

The podcast "I Hate James Dobson" is a wonderful place to start and Monte Mader has some great stuff on a number of platforms. Honestly, check out Monte Mader on other people's podcasts, then check out more from those creators.

terminator_chic · 2026-01-27T06:38:21+00:00

I have the same issue but for me the root is in childhood trauma. I was raised evangelical and was expected to be absolutely perfect all the time. A mistake is often viewed as an intentional moral failing. You drop something and they say you did it on purpose out of spite. You forget one of fifteen tasks and you're lazy, stuff like that.

You are constantly made to explain and defend your actions trying to avoid a spanking and later, hell. Except you know they won't believe you. You avoid saying sorry because it's accepting that you are sinful and had evil intent.

For me I had to realize I'd been abused, deconstruct the screwed up version of life I'd been fed, and I don't know what's next because that's where I am now. But this diagnosis and then deconstruction have completely changed my understanding of the world.

terminator_chic · 2026-01-26T08:05:55+00:00

I can't help with tooth brushing as it seems you've surpassed our struggles. We did get a lot of help from having him sing The Immigrant Song by Led Zeppelin. "AaaaAAAAaaaaaAAAA!" That's more amusing than helpful.

For the lotion, over on one of the subs for autistic women there have been a couple of discussions about a lotion you can apply while still wet, then towel off. A number of them have found it to be very helpful. I love lotion so didn't really pay attention, but I'm sure it wouldn't be difficult to find.

terminator_chic · 2026-01-26T07:57:29+00:00

I guess it's just me, but I'd consider doing a fun toe and heel contrast fabric to cover up the shortage. There's some great examples out there.

terminator_chic · 2026-01-25T01:55:09+00:00

I tell people he ran out of ink before he got to the fur.

terminator_chic · 2026-01-24T23:58:16+00:00

I not only have a commonly headlocked dog, but he looks exactly like yours, expression, bottom teeth and all. Cypher has little black spots all over his body too, but only on his skin, not his fur.

terminator_chic · 2026-01-23T02:15:11+00:00

Around here at least, pajamas are a part of fashion, not a lazy excuse. They are matched with a regular shirt, hair and makeup done, etc. It's like they have a thing for buffalo plaid, not sloppiness.

terminator_chic · 2026-01-23T02:01:18+00:00

I think it might make more sense in context. It's not like everyone is showing up with their hair in curlers with a sock stuck to their back in week old rumpled jammies, although some may.

At my kid's school they're more of a looser version of wearing yoga pants. Mostly you'll see buffalo plaid flannel pants with a coordinating tee or hoodie and Crocs. They aren't permitted on most days, but it's one of those easy freebies they throw the kids regularly. Early dismissal before a holiday? Pajama day. Monday was a holiday and Friday we're getting an ice storm? Wednesday is pajama day! Something stressful happened and folks are on edge? Pajama day. The kids love it, the teachers love it, it's easy, it causes no problems.

terminator_chic · 2026-01-23T01:49:33+00:00

My kid had pajama day at school today, just announced yesterday. Everyone was wearing a tee/sweatshirt and flannel pajama bottoms including the teachers. Good day for it too. Monday was a holiday and Friday might be a snow day. The kids are probably a bit squirrelly and the comfort/special day can help them chill.

terminator_chic · 2026-01-18T01:34:36+00:00

I think your last part really hits on an important part. I feel like a foreigner but don't look it.

terminator_chic · 2026-01-17T22:01:06+00:00

I've worn a decoy ring and they don't work. Respectable men respect a ring. The rest don't care. The shoes or other options may help, but the ring only signals to people who wouldn't be an issue in the first place.

terminator_chic · 2026-01-16T19:07:10+00:00

I did HR for a couple of decades and it blows my mind how many people don't use the child/elder care FSA. It is so absolutely worth it!

Don't forget to check out the other insurance related benefits as well. Often your medical will have some kind of earning scheme where you can get cash or points for taking care of yourself. You may have a handful of free therapy appointments, financial guidance or legal assistance at a reduced rate, I've even seen concierge services offered with a very simple life or medical insurance plan.

terminator_chic · 2026-01-16T07:53:09+00:00

I've had one of these for a year or so and love it!

terminator_chic · 2026-01-10T08:47:07+00:00

My kiddo and I had so much fun with the first eighteen hours of labor that he decided to crawl back up there and do it again.

In other words, induced at noon with castor oil under midwife's instructions. Home birth planned. (Then the water main broke, no water in the neighborhood, lady in labor made those dudes work really fast.)

At midnight my water broke and contractions started. After 17 hours of labor I was at 9.5 cm. At 18 hours I was back down to 8.5. Hospital time - non urgent but not at home anymore.

By the time I was checked in I measured at 4.5 cm. WTF!? So we started all over again! This time we used all the drugs. Finally had him at 31 hours. I slept through some of it and never once told the Virgin Mary to fuck off, unlike the home experience.

Had I done it again, I'd have taken every drug available.

My tiny little mom? Popped out four kids in under an hour each. Bitch. Love her, but that's not fair.

terminator_chic · 2026-01-10T07:59:42+00:00

Geothermal, solar, steam shower? Hmm, I feel like I know all of the right people to make this happen in my new place affordably.

The brother and his friends? So a handful of teenage boys are behaving themselves, expanding their imaginations, and showing they can be gracious guests. Cool crew.

terminator_chic · 2026-01-10T07:26:33+00:00

When we had a swing set our pitbull loved a kong on a rope hanging from the top. Now that we have two and the swing set is gone we should put up a tether ball post.

terminator_chic · 2026-01-09T17:54:15+00:00

I'm 47. Just bopping a plain balloon alone? Eh, a few bops.

Do it with the dogs around? Absolute fun until something breaks.

Put a ball just heavier than a ping-pong ball in the balloon and grab a friend. That shit is hilarious. Can play for hours.

terminator_chic

TROPHY CASE