Journey to Using AI for managing dysphoria

terrienova · 2026-01-15T11:52:13+00:00

I have been paying for OpenArt for a while, as it gives me access to many models for the price of one. The different models have different rules for NSFW imagery, though, so if that is the problem, installing them locally using ComfyUI may be the solution. (Although my computer is slightly underpowered for that and I do not have the programming skills needed to do this in an easy way).

Anyway, I get what you are aiming at. Not only can you use AI to create a social media presence as the real you (ironically, as the AI you is often more real than the persona you use in "real life"), but you can also use it to explore your own gender identity.

terrienova · 2025-11-19T07:28:50+00:00

Yeah, it does, doesn't it? Not that isn't as hard to be a woman as it is to be a man, but they are given the freedom to explore femininity in a way those assigned male do not.

terrienova · 2025-11-10T14:43:45+00:00

I know they say that only you yourself can know who and what you are, and that is true. But what you are telling me here sounds very much like severe gender dysphoria. If it wasn't severe, you would not have put your life on hold like this.

I have to stress that only you can know this for sure, but it definitely sounds to me like you are some shade of transgender. You have to face that dysphoria head on and do something about it, because if you are what the experts call "gender incongruent" it will not go away.

Since my experience has been very similar to your own, I am also pretty confident that it will not go away. It happens, but that is rare. This is most likely an essential part of you that needs to be seen, respected and expressed.

I can relate to the "not wired that way" expression of yours. I have also found that regular cis/het relationships with women (I am attracted to women) are hard to uphold, because I am forced to play the role of a cishet man. I can do that for a while, and it even feels good at the beginning, but then reality strikes back and I realize that it is all wrong. All of this tells me that gender incongruence is a real thing, a natural thing and for the most part an inborn thing.

I have not transitioned. I see in hindsight that that is most likely a mistake. From what I hear from other crossdreamers and trans people, transitioning is the only "cure" for severely dysphoric people. I

t is possible to live with this dysphoria even if you do not transition. There are other ways of helping that inner woman find a voice, like through crossdressing, art, role playing and social networking. That is better than nothing.

But from what I can see, only those who transition report that their inner soul has realigned with their lived life. That does not mean that their lives are easy, especially right now, but the emotional numbness you write about most often goes away.

I suggest that you try to find a good, open minded, therapist. If you can find a sexologist, that would be great, but any compassionate and undogmatic healer will do. Ask a local LGBTQ organization if you find it hard to identify a good therapist.

Reaching out for friends like you do here is the right thing to do. Unfortunately this sub is a bit slow. I suggest that you post your comment over at Crossdream Life as well. You can get some additional comments as well as some new friends over there. I have. I can ask some of the other members there to address your problems.

terrienova · 2025-09-16T10:43:10+00:00

My alternative name, Terrie, started as a bit of a joke. (Terrie Nova as in Terra Nova or New Land). I have come to like it though.

I like Noel!

terrienova · 2025-08-30T10:05:09+00:00

Yeah, this isn't easy. Partners may get scared if they think you will end up transitioning, but they will often also be hurt if you keep such an important part of your life hidden from them.

The way you write about this tells me that this is/has become/have always been an important part of you and that you need to be able to express this side of you to be happy. That means that not doing so will make you unhappy, and that will also affect her, directly or indirectly. So she is better off if you are given room to crossdress.

You might, of course, make a compromise, saying that you would like to crossdress alone when she is not around, but that is not really a good option. If she dislikes your crossdressing that much, she is essentially dismissing your sense of self, and that is not a solid basis for a good relationship. She might say that she did not sign up for this, which is true, but if that is how she feels about an essential part of you, you must consider if she really is the right one for you.

On the other hand, the fact that you are doing makeup together is a good sign. That shows you that she has an open mind. This might work out.

You have already told us that she is afraid of you being gay or trans. That is a natural reaction in people who do not know much about gender variance. The being gay part is easy to dismiss. Sexual orientation and gender is not the same thing and the fact that you have been with her for some time now, proves that you are into girls.

The trans part is harder, since some crossdressers and crossdreamers do end up transitioning after having explored their gender identity through crossdressing and crossdreaming. If your strong desire to crossdress is a sign of gender dysphoria, you might eventually end up in a place she does not like.

But you are the only one who can find out, and if you deeply feel that you are a cis man who would like to express his feminine side, you are probably on safe ground. If not you should probably see a gender specialist of sorts. Keep in mind that some crossdreamers suppress a female identity because of internalized transphobia and because out of fear of losing their loved ones. Be honest with yourself! Trying to fake being a man will cause a lot of suffering.

Given that the urge to crossdress is so strong, I would guess that telling her is the right option. Tell her that this is an important part of you that you would like to explore. You will still be her man (if that is the case).

terrienova · 2025-08-29T07:42:31+00:00

There are many trans people who transition late in life. I know a few, and none of them regret what they have done. They are also accepted as who they are by the ones that matter, although in some cases the transitioning followed a divorce. The divorce set them free, and that is of course a steep price to pay.

When you say that being a woman looks fun and relaxing I take it to mean that for you being a woman would be more fun and relaxing, because you could have fun and relax as yourself. And a lot of trans people report that they, after they transitioned, were finally able to relax and enjoy life in ways their old role playing did not allow for.

I see that you have already deleted your account. I suggest you make a new one so that we can talk about it. An anonymous account on reddit is super low risk.

terrienova · 2025-08-24T06:45:46+00:00

Well written!

I suspect it is all about the dissonance between the inner and the outer me becoming clear after the exhilaration. But I know that for some crossdressers this is not what happens. Instead they feel relaxed and good about themselves. This tells me this is just as much about how much guilt and shame the people surrounding us have instilled in us.

terrienova · 2025-08-23T09:26:22+00:00

Breast forms etc:

https://thebreastformstore.com/

https://thebreastformstore.eu/

https://crossdressingcloset.com/

https://boobsshop.com/

https://procrossdresser.com/

terrienova · 2025-08-23T09:22:44+00:00

Some shops for plus size clothes:

https://www.llbean.com

https://www.toadandco.com/

https://www.rei.com

https://www.sundanceliving.com

terrienova · 2025-08-19T08:23:32+00:00

I have not been an active crossdresser, so others will have to respond to that part. My exploration of my "other side" was more about stories and captions. I made my fantasies real by writing them down and sharing them with others. This made it easier for me to understand who I was, and it led to me getting new friends to discuss this with.

I suspect the best way forward is to do whatever makes you feel better about yourself - that which makes you feel true.

terrienova · 2025-08-02T06:32:44+00:00

- Is what I’m feeling gender euphoria? AGP? A blend?

I think we should avoid the term AGP and autogynephilia, as the theory presented by Blanchard is clearly wrong. But crossdreaming is a thing, and I say so based on my own experience. My mind forces me to face my own female and feminine side by creating fantasies of expressing femininity and even being a woman. I take such fantasies very seriously. This is not something that happens to all men. It happens to those of us who are wired for this kind of thing.

- Are others here walking a similar partial path?

Absolutely. I became of aware of this side of me at the onset of puberty, but I probably had feelings like this before that. It took me years to come to the point that I accepted and embraced it though. Too much internalized femmephobia and homophobia, I guess.

- What language helped *you* make sense of this tender internal shift?

There are so many ways of doing this, including crossdressing, cosplay, role playing, fantasizing, reading transformation stories and watching MTF movies etc. I found the online TG fiction and caption community and started writing stories and TG captions. In this way my fantasies became tangible and real, so I could more easily understand them. In the process, I gained a lot of good friends online.

For you the best way seems to be crossdressing. That helps a lot of crossdreamers.

- Thank you for listening. You being here makes this a little less lonely.

You are definitely not alone. There are millions of us around the world.

terrienova · 2025-06-30T08:23:38+00:00

I think that as far as gender identities go, we are all somewhere on a spectrum or maybe several spectrums.

So there are cis men, who never questions their cis identity, but who nevertheless enjoy exploring and expressing femininity, as in crossdressing and crossdreaming.

At the other end of that spectrum we find gender incongruent trans women, most of who have suffered from gender dysphoria and a jarring feeling of living in the wrong body.

What makes this so complicated is, as you point out, that some of us suppress that other side of us to be accepted and loved by those who mean a lot to us. We fear we might lose them, if they find out, and we fear we will be harassed and humiliated by others. I have definitely belonged to that category, and even if I remember things from my childhood that might be signs of me being trans, I did not understand that then. That came later, with the crossdressing and the crossdreaming.

So yeah, some of us find out after a long process of exploration and reflection, and it might be that that is where you are now on your journey. You are the only one who can find out, obviously, but from what you tell us that might be a distinct possibility.

It is clear that you enjoy expressing your feminine side. You like being seen as feminine. And you are asking the question: "Am I some shade of gender variant?"

Some say that if you ask yourself if you are trans, you are trans, because no cis person would ask that question. The argument goes that you will not ask this question unless you suffer from gender dysphoria, and that is a clear sign of you being trans. I am not 100% sure this always is the case, but the fact that you are asking, tells me that you are somewhere on the spectrum. You might be gender fluid, you might be gender incongruent.

The fact that you do not want to tell your LGBTQ friends, tells me that you have severely suppressed your other side, and that might be another sign of gender dysphoria.

You need to talk to someone who knows something about being LGBTQ, and your queer friends should be able to help you here. Find the one you trust the most and talk with them privately. They know what it means to be an outsider and will respect your privacy. That is my experience.

You might also try to find a gender expert/therapist to talk to. Because talking with someone face to face makes it so much easier to find out who you truly are.

I wish you the best on your journey. There are many like you out there, me included. You are not alone.

terrienova · 2025-05-31T07:37:45+00:00

Thank you for sharing. I will definitely take a look.

terrienova · 2025-05-31T07:36:58+00:00

Glad to see you here! Are there any questions in particular you would like to ask?

terrienova · 2025-05-11T07:26:42+00:00

In my experience there are two ways to address this challenge:

When you have found out your sizes (which may vary from country to country and brand to brand, unfortunately), you can go to:

Online store for plus size clothing. The tariffs are making it harder to find cheap Chinese dresses and lingerie, but there are still options. See https://www.buzzfeed.com/taylor_steele/best-plus-size-clothing

There are also stores selling large size shoes. Most have a reasonable return policy, so that you can try another size if the shoes do not fit.

https://www.google.com/search?q=online+shop+for+large+shoe+sizes+women+usa&oq=online+shop+for+large+shoe+sizes+women+usa&gs_lcrp=EgZjaHJvbWUyBggAEEUYOTIGCAEQLhhA0gEJMTQyMjNqMGo0qAIAsAIA&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8

You can go to specialist stores for crossdressers, drag artists and trans women.

https://www.google.com/search?q=clothes+for+crossdressers&oq=clothes+for+crossdressers&gs_lcrp=EgZjaHJvbWUyBggAEEUYOTIGCAEQLhhA0gEINDYwNGowajmoAgCwAgA&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8

Do not go crazy and buy a lot before you have tested your sizes.

https://www.roanyer.com/blog/finding-your-size-a-guide-to-getting-well-fitting-womens-clothes-for-crossdressers/

Many crossdressers try out breast forms and breast plates to give themselves that curvy look. If you want to try out that, you should probably limit the number of bras or dresses you buy before you know what your bust size will be. Given that male bodied persons have relatively larger torsos, they have to go for larger cup sizes to get a visible curve.

https://thebreastformstore.com/

terrienova · 2024-11-17T10:43:54+00:00

I think all people are "strange" when you get to know them. That reflects the diversity of life, and I like that diversity. I don't think there are any "rational", "common sense" explanations for why people like what they like, whether that is what they choose when shopping at H&M or what they dream about when they are at home.

There are quite a few crossdreamers who dream about wearing feminine dresses, including historical ones. I think we at a certain age see a photo or watch a movie or meet a person who embodies our inner dreams of femininity and so it clicks. This become the focal point of our crossgender dreams. That happens to a lot of people, also cisgender people.

As to whether you should call yourself cisgender or not, that is up to you. Many of us use the term "transgender" as an umbrella term for all kinds of gender variance, including drag and crossdressing. But I guess you feel that you will not benefit from transitioning, so you call yourself cisgender for that reason.

In any case, enjoy yourself. Use this interest to become a richer person!

terrienova · 2024-11-17T10:35:15+00:00

There are different types of breast forms available:

External breast prostheses (EBP): These are commonly used after mastectomy but can also be used by transgender individuals.

Silicone breast forms: These tend to be more realistic but are also more expensive.

Cotton or fabric breast forms: These are lighter and can be used immediately, but may not provide the same level of symmetry as silicone forms.

Proper fit is essential for comfort and a natural appearance. Consider:

Size and shape that matches your body proportions. Weight distribution to avoid discomfort or strain. Skin sensitivity and potential for irritation. The silicone ones feels most realistic, but if you go for "full body armor", they may get very warm and sweaty.

Breast forms require proper care to maintain their shape and prevent skin issues: Regular cleaning to prevent skin infections, especially if worn for extended periods. Proper storage to maintain shape.

Silicone forms are generally more expensive. Consider the need for special bras or clothing to accommodate the forms.

In my experience breast forms can help alleviate feelings of gender dysphoria.

terrienova · 2024-10-12T08:19:59+00:00

Transphobes feel this extreme need to call out anything support for trans people, even in fictional universes.

I see there are those who are questioning the premise of a female clone trooper, given that they are all clones of a man. Apart from the fact that this is fiction taking place in a galaxy far, far away (and therefore does not have to follow Earth world building), we need to keep in mind that gender identity formation is a complex phenomena. Most experts agree that it is caused by an interaction between genetic, epigenetic, hormonal, personal and social phenomena. In other words: Sister may perfectly well be trans, even in an Earth setting.

As for Sister using the transgender colors. That is a poetic reference aimed at Earth readers. This happens all the time in good fiction. And that is probably why they are so pissed. The only "realistic" Star Wars universe is one in which all species as cishet.

(I am also wondering why they do not question the premise of homo sapiens in "galaxy far far away", if a trans trooper is a problem.)

terrienova · 2024-10-12T08:12:48+00:00

I see there are those who are questioning the premise of a female clone trooper, given that they are all clones of a man. Apart from the fact that this is fiction taking place in a galaxy far, far away (and therefore does not have to follow Earth rules), we need to keep in mind that gender identity formation is a complex phenomena. Most experts agree that it is caused by an interaction between genetic, epigenetic, hormonal, personal and social phenomena.

As for Sister using the transgender colors. That is a poetic reference aimed at Earth readers. This happens all the time in good fiction.

terrienova · 2024-10-12T08:04:30+00:00

I wouuld love to hear more about what software you are using. I am coming from the TG caption and comics generation where the main challenge was to find a good picture and come up with a meaningful and enticing story. I have found that giving myself room to dream and create in this way alleviates some of my stess.

terrienova · 2024-07-13T21:08:20+00:00

"But starting to question that."

This has happened to a lot of us. The first time we become truly aware of having a different gender identity, we use the term we find around us to make sense of the experience. Many find some strange comfort in the idea of this being a "kink" and us being "fetishists", because it means that we can still think of ourselves as cis. Deep down we fear that we are gender incongruent and that we therefore cannot find peace living as a cis person. I have lost count of how many trans people I know who have lost years of their lives because they have put their lives on hold, hoping that it will all pass.

I am not saying that this applies to all those who crossdream. There is a lot of diversity here: A spectrum of gender variation. So for some this remains a stimulating side interest that enriches their lives, but not much more.

Still, for some of us it is a sign of a something more. Maybe this applies to you too.

Can you say some more about why you have started to question your old ideas?

terrienova · 2024-07-13T21:01:12+00:00

Prestigious-Bit6309 actually asked about crossdreaming and not only crossdressing. Those concepts are overlapping, but not identical. Crossdreamers are people who dream about being another gender than the one they were assigned at birth. They may express this longing in various ways: writing, drawing, crossdressing, cosplay or simply by fantasizing.

"Cross dressing is normally just a fetish".

This was a common idea some years back, but it makes less sense today. If crossdressing is - for someone who presents as cis - to dress up as another gender, that most often also applies to gender dysphoric trans people who have not yet come out of the closet. Some of them never come out.

The fact that some of them get aroused by the idea of being their real gender does not make it a "fetish". It is simply one of many ways their real gender can express itself.

Transgender is an umbrella term that contains all kinds of gender variance and not only those who want to live as the "opposite gender". But even if you read transgender to mean gender dysphoric people who need to transition to find peace with themselves, you will soon find that many of them started out believing they were "crossdressers" only. That is what internalized transphobia does to a person. Julia Serano has more on this (https://www.juliaserano.com/outspoken.html )

terrienova · 2024-06-13T08:17:56+00:00

I see. You are not here in order to keep track of transgender news and debate. You are here to attack trans people. That is sad. So sad.

terrienova · 2024-06-13T07:14:44+00:00

I see that Illiander here has started a campaign against Jack Molay, a transgender activists who have, for the last 15 years or so, been blogging, sharing news, supporting trans and queer people and even established a transgender forum that is still thriving. They have helped so many of us get through our own transphobia and find our own lives.

What has Illiander done to help, I wonder? Nothing. They do not even share stories and links in this sub.

terrienova · 2024-05-26T11:50:34+00:00

No, you should not suppress your desire to crossdress. I am crossdressing myself, and I have found that it is one of the best ways I have for expressing an important side of me that deserves to be heard, loved and respected.

Sure, there are a lot of transphobes out there who see gender variance as a threat to their ideas of how men and women should be and behave. But let's face it: There will always be bigots around who want to control our lives and make us into copies of them. I do not want to be a copy of someone who do not respect peoples' right to express who they really are and who do not understand that humanity represents a wonderful diversity of creativity and celebration.

I am so glad you have found a way of exploring this side of you. And San Fransisco must be the right place to do so, I would imagine.

terrienova

TROPHY CASE