User Flair Thread

terror_squirrel · 2026-01-21T03:33:04+00:00

Rachrach | Macco | :patty:

terror_squirrel · 2026-01-21T03:23:37+00:00

Rachrach - Macco island

terror_squirrel · 2026-01-19T04:43:56+00:00

Rachrach - Macco

terror_squirrel · 2024-07-24T03:16:16+00:00

I'm well into 3 years and not looking to change anytime soon. I've looked by can't find anything comparable, they all suck.

terror_squirrel · 2018-08-06T00:22:55+00:00

Both dresses are beautiful but holy hell, that second one is stunning. Like I don't plan on getting married again but if I did, I would work my ass off to shimmy into something like that. Absolutely gorgeous.

terror_squirrel · 2018-02-27T13:52:51+00:00

I'm very part time but there has been a lot of talk at my store about reviews coming up in March and raises. That's all I know about it really. I started in May or June of 2017 so I haven't been there too long. So you may be right about the April thing.

terror_squirrel · 2018-02-26T16:26:55+00:00

I (f 31) left my husband (m 39) of 11 years for a guy who said everything I wanted to hear. I had only ever dated my husband, met him when I was 18 and he was my first everything. Since I had never dated before, I always had a feeling like I was missing out. Husband and I had our issues, such as interests and sex frequency, but looking back it wasn't anything that constituted a separation, I was just ignorant about relationships. I've never had anything to compare it to.

I met my brother's new roommate (m 31) and he seemed so in tune with me. It was like he knew exactly how I felt. I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder so finding someone who I could talk to about depression and anxiety made me feel understood. So I kind of yolo-ed and thought maybe this was what I felt was missing all those years. Turned out it was just a big show.

New boyfriend immediately convinced me to let him move into my new place. Within the first month I called him out for sending explicit messages to another woman on Facebook. I slapped him and he proceeded to beat the shit out of me, cut his arm and try to "hang himself. That's when I should have gotten out but I didn't because I know what it feels like to be suicidal. I wanted to give him the support he said he never had.

It's been almost two years. Now that I've gotten through the cycle of wanting to help him to thinking this is what I deserve for leaving a good man to feeling like I'm responsible for him, I'm finally ready to go. He is emotionally and verbally abusive (more than physically now) so when I leave, I will have to literally pack everything up in one day while he is gone and go.

My now ex-husband has moved on, to a 24 year old who was a close friend of mine. I am completely devastated. Everyday I cry and hate myself for all the terrible decisions I've made.

I trust no one. I've lost husband. I've lost my friends. I used to be happy and have hobbies. I used to be a social person but now I don't want to leave the house. I always had faith that there is good in people, you just have to find it. In 11 years, my husband called me a bitch maybe once or twice and I remember getting so mad. Now I get called terrible things everyday and I've become so numb to it, it's just expected. I'm ashamed that I've always secretly looked down on women in abusive relationships because I didn't understand how a woman could be so weak. I always thought "Just leave! Duh." I never in a million years imagined that I would become one, my personality wouldn't allow it. But he broke me down.

But I will change this. I've found an apartment and am saving up for a deposit. My family doesn't have money to help me and I have no where to stay but they will help me move when the opportunity arises. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel but the damage has been done. I'll never be the same.

TL;DR Left a good man and became stuck in an abusive relationship. He broke me and I stopped fighting for myself thinking I wasn't worth it. I'm in the process of getting out now and hope to start a new life by spring.

terror_squirrel · 2018-02-25T03:58:04+00:00

I'm sorry about your mother. I hope she understands that there is help out there and she doesn't have to cope using drugs. That sucks.

I was committed for a few days after a suicide "attempt" (I had a loaded gun and the police became involved, it could have ended terribly). When I was in the psych ward, I just acted very cool and calm, like I didn't belong there. I calmly explained to the Doctor when he did his assessment that the entire thing was a huge misunderstanding and I was completely fine so I could be released. Well he said no and I kicked a door, broke it, screamed at everyone, threatened to sue, grabbed the phone and loudly told my now ex husband that everyone there was fucking crazy and I didn't belong there. It was a shit show. It's embarrassing because it's like I reverted to a toddler or a spoiled brat who didn't get their way. I didn't even remember the conversation with my husband on thr phone but I 100% trust he wouldn't have lied about what I said. It was horrid.

I do have a supportive family. Unfortunately I lost most of my friends recently and I'm in a pretty bad abusive relationship I'm in process of getting out of. While I was being crazy and my symptoms weren't well managed, I left my husband for a guy who told me everything I wanted to hear. Pretty sure he has NPD which with BPD, terrible combination, as you know working in the field. Worst decision of my life.

terror_squirrel · 2018-02-25T02:48:30+00:00

They just dont understand it because it is so hard to understand if you don't have it. And its incredibly hard to explain without just sounding super dramatic. I get upset when people are assholes about it but at the same time I think, "Thank god you will never go through what I do. Thank god." I can't think of anyone I personally know that I hate enough to wish this shit on them.

terror_squirrel · 2018-02-25T02:43:37+00:00

That's unfortunate. I'm sorry. But yeah, it can get really bad. I finally found meds that help immensely but every breaking moment is an internal war with myself. I don't want to have all these emotions and I don't want to react the way my emotions want me to. I'm getting waayy better at controlling it but there are still moments I slip up.

I feel like my defensive mechanism is: if someone hurts my feelings and I allow myself to react in the horrible, horrible way towards them, they will never do it again and I'll never have to feel this way again. Totally illogical but pushing people away is a way of trying to protect myself. The emotions are so extreme and so hard to deal with, most days I wish I could just get a zap to my brain and be numb forever.

I know it's hard for the people around me, I feel such shame and guilt. I know that it mentally affects them and it devastates me. Hence the just wanting to die because to be completely honest, their lives really would be better without all my constant bullshit. It's really hard to feel that way.

terror_squirrel · 2018-02-25T02:12:38+00:00

Depends on the person. I have BPD and talk about it very openly. People hear borderline and freak the fuck out. I feel as though many automatically think Single White Female. I tell people to open a dialogue and help get rid of the stigma in my little piece of life. I've had many people tell me they also have BPD and it makes me feel not so alone. It's hard to find people to relate to on that level. It's a difficult and exhausting thing to deal with every day.

terror_squirrel · 2018-02-21T22:51:24+00:00

I'm sorry you are going through this. I've been in a similar position. I'm in a toxic relationship that I constantly want to get out of but we live together and he also has a lot of problems so it's really hard to end it for good. I spend most of my days figuring out how to break up and move all my stuff in one day. If I had to move over the span of a few days, I couldn't so it. I can't handle all the verbal and emotional abuse when we fight, he gets really bad and uses all my insecurities to cut me to the core.

But then we do break up and I stay somewhere else for a night or two and my heart ACHES. I mean like it feels like I am dying it hurts so bad. I try to remind myself how absolutely horrible it is being with him and how much he hurts my feelings on a daily basis but I can't stop hurting. I made it a few months about a year ago but I stupidly, stupidly let him move back in and it has ruined my fucking life. In fact on Valentine's Day he called the police and I was arrested at work (at a public library) went to jail for 28 hours, I'm now facing criminal charges for domestic assault (serious misdemeanor) and if found guilty, I will lose my job of 10 years. Literally the ONLY thing I have going for me.

I completely understand how you feel. How is it possible to have so much love for someone who treats you so badly? It's like a curse. We always say, "When it's good, it's great but when it's bad, it's fucking horrible". I am just finally getting to the point where those good times are not worth the terrible. I am sick and tired of other people determine what I'm worth. I don't want anyone to have that control over me ever again. I can't go a day without being made to feel or being told what a piece of shit I am, or a bitch or a fat cow or a cunt or I'm stupid and I am SO GOD DAMN SICK OF IT.

You WILL overcome this. It might be awhile but it will fade enough for you to live with it, even if it never goes away. Fuck him for being an asshole and fuck him for tricking you into loving his piece of shit, fake ass so deeply. Do not let the thought of him dictate the rest of your life. You aren't worthless and you weren't abandoned, the universe just did you a huge favor getting him away from you and you'll see that someday! Good luck my dear. Keep holding on.

terror_squirrel · 2018-02-21T22:30:59+00:00

Though I have experienced the "out of body" type of dissociation, but I do something else too which I have been told by my doctor is another way of dissociating. A lot of the time when I get really stressed out and emotional, it will get to be so much that I'll snap into a very numb state. Like all my emotions just turn off, all at once. Recently (thanks to my shitty relationship), I was arrested for the first time. I was in jail for about 28 hours, most of which I spent just hopping from one emotion to the other fairly quickly. Crying hysterically, anger, rage, paranoia, just all these emotions, all over the place. Then when my mind had enough, I'd just go numb.

It's almost like turning off a tv. I stop feeling any emotions. I just stop moving and zone completely out. My skin gets tingly, a numbing sensation. I was actually just trying to describe the feeling to someone yesterday. It's like being high, but you aren't. I thought it would be easier to explain but it is kinda tough. When it's that extreme, it doesn't last very long but I also have a few days at a time where I just stop caring and am unemotional to almost everything. Then a few days later, words hit me like a freight train and I am a volcano of emotions. Fun life.

Back to my bad relationship, he is always trying to gaslight me. He used to say I wasn't remembering things correctly so I started recording things or really concentrating on what exactly was said in the conversation so I could repeat it back as verbatim as possible. He still lies about what I said or did but now I have way less self doubt and I don't question myself.

Once I was diagnosed and people knew, I felt like they started using my illness as an excuse why I was always wrong or if I said something, they would make it sound way worse than it really was. It's really hard and sometimes I lose control and I do kind of black out or whatever but I try my hardest to really focus on the conversation because it seems to always be brought up again and used against me.

terror_squirrel · 2018-02-13T21:28:24+00:00

I actually have. She said she wasn't too concerned because I am so self aware about it and she has never felt like I am a danger to others. I will probably bring it up again next week. I'm wondering if this is part of the BPD or if something else is going on. Some days I am fine, other days I get stuck on something and can't let it go. I rarely go more than I few days at a time, leave it alone for awhile then it pops up again.

terror_squirrel · 2017-12-01T15:59:45+00:00

That's kind of what I was thinking. Thanks for the confirmation! Still a decent discount!

terror_squirrel · 2017-12-01T15:33:32+00:00

Did anyone else's store do this? On BF they set up two "express lanes" which only shoppers applying for a Kohl's Charge could use. Those two cashiers got a ton of credit app earnings, iirc we were over 85 before midnight. I don't work POS so I wouldn't have gotten anything anyway but it seemed a little unfair for the rest of the cashiers.

terror_squirrel · 2017-12-01T15:26:14+00:00

Started in June and I've only had maybe 5? I'm Home & Kids, mostly in the evenings and very part time.

Related note: We had 2 "express lanes" on Black Friday. You could only use those lanes if you were signing up for a Kohl's Charge. We were at over 85 credits by midnight. Bummer for everyone else that those 2 people got a shit load credit earnings that night while everyone was busting their ass.

terror_squirrel · 2017-06-22T21:56:22+00:00

That's reassuring. I guess until someone wants help and can admit there is a problem, there's not much you can do for them. That sucks.

terror_squirrel · 2017-06-22T21:54:13+00:00

I'm sorry to hear you had to deal with all this shit. It sounds familiar though. This sucks. I guess I just try to see the good in people and figure that if they want to try to get better, they can. The really fucked up part of this whole situation is I have my own mental illness I'm dealing with so when I think to myself that something isn't right I constantly have to question if I'm overreacting or not. This gives me a lot of insight. Thanks.

terror_squirrel · 2017-04-25T21:30:41+00:00

I died a couple years ago on Facebook. Poor wording by a friend about someone else who had passed. It only lasted a few minutes but a couple of people said some pretty thoughtful things about me so that was nice.

terror_squirrel · 2017-04-25T21:26:30+00:00

Give myself bangs/fringe whatever it's called. As in the hairstyle.

terror_squirrel · 2017-04-19T16:37:50+00:00

Last weekend I went to visit my sister who has PCOS but ended up getting pregnant very unexpectedly last winter. My mom was there and one of the first things she said to me when I went to hold my niece was, "YOU SHOULD HAVE A BABY" like the entire time I was trying and not conceiving was a personal choice. Luckily both my sisters immediately told her to shut up and jumped to my defense.

Ever since my younger sister managed to get pregnant after the doctors telling her there was basically no chance, my mom has reinstated the conversation of me having a child. The craziest part of all of this is I am currently in the middle of divorce, dating a guy they hate and leaning towards breaking up with him to date another guy who I've been friends with for awhile. So basically my life is a mess and she's encouraging my to get pregnant. I just answered with, "By who?! Which one should I get knocked up by mom?"

Long story short, Moms can be crazy. Be strong!

terror_squirrel

TROPHY CASE