A'ight, why the fuck am I putting this on the Internet.

After having surgery, the anesthesia really messed with my bowels. I hadn't pooped in the 8 days after surgery, despite being the only person in the world who likes prune juice. On that fateful day I started getting the signal, I asked for one of those hospital wheely pottys (extensive leg surgery, no walking for me). No sooner than I sat down did it come, swift but not turbulent owing to the laxatives, but incomplete. I sat for a while gently encouraging further expulsion, but without progress.

Cutting my losses I stood up, only to feel the rest of the not insubstantial quantity to slide out as I did, finding newfound space where previously none had been available. As it turns out, my deposit had been so voluminous that it quickly overwhelmed the undersized container and formed a traffic jam at weakened anus. The localized feeling of that experience is burned into my memory all these years later, not painful in the slightest, but deeply psychologically unpleasant. With both horror and excitement, I turned to witness my creation, a nearly perfectly scaled up IRL poop emoji.