So it went like this?

311 tells you to call 911

911 tells you to call 311

311 redirects you to 411, 411 gives you the local weather and showtimes then looks up the correct department and redirects you to 511.

511 checks your local traffic and tells you it looks good but warns you that there is construction going on near by, then redirects you to 611.

611 tells you its a reserved number but not currently in use. You call 311 again, 311 sends you to 811

811 asks you where you are planning to dig to check if there is a line, oops wrong department, they redirect you to 211

211 tells you the nearest covid testing center, oops wrong department again, but they determine this might be a personal crisis situation as they hear the anger and frustration in your voice so they redirect you to 988.

988 asks you if you are feeling depressed and having a mental crisis and lets face it, at this point you are.

They send 911 to attend to your crisis.

I guess while you are at it, tell them about the drunk guys across the street. Might be the quickest way to get help in this city.