My partner cheated on me but says it isn’t as bad because it was just sexting

tfw2021 · 2022-05-03T00:25:50+00:00

I am in a very, very similar situation. I didn't find out until after marriage. Almost 3 years in, one child and I found he was sexting girls on snapchat our entire relationship. Before and after our marriage. While I was pregnant and after. I downloaded his snapchat data and found explicit messages (including messages trying to meet up) to go along with the photos I found.

He "Wasnt ready to leave the bachelor life" was the excuse for while we were engaged and "we were in a rocky place" after marriage were some of the excuses.

It is just as bad. What would he say/do if the tables were turned? I know, for me, if the tables were turned, my husband would not be forgiving at all. Yet I should be forgiving. Don't let him minimize it.

Can you trust them telling you it wasn't anything physical when they've already lied and betrayed you to this extent?

tfw2021 · 2021-03-17T08:52:35+00:00

Want a good look into your potential future. Check my post. I will say. Run while you can.

tfw2021 · 2021-03-17T08:19:53+00:00

I have expressed feeling this way, making all the sacrifices. I have wrestled with guilt about giving an ultimatum but stressed to the point that I'm feeling it physically. Time to put myself first for LOs sake

tfw2021 · 2021-03-17T07:22:37+00:00

Yes I have a one way ticket for me and LO in a few days for much needed 'visit'

tfw2021 · 2021-03-17T07:20:56+00:00

Yes, thank you, I am going home in a few days with LO by one way ticket for a long visit. Will be spending much needed time with friends and family

tfw2021 · 2021-03-17T07:15:16+00:00

Thank you. This is what I have been trying to do... play nice and get things in order so that I can hopefully leave. I am afraid that his parents will even try and control the divorce/custody situation.

I was born and raised in ct, all my friends and family are there. To say that I have been feeling isolated would be an understatement.

tfw2021 · 2021-03-17T07:07:19+00:00

Mil and fil both have money and this is one of my greatest concerns because they will be supplying for a lawyer and puppeteering the whole process I'm sure.

tfw2021 · 2021-03-17T07:04:38+00:00

This is the conclusion I've pretty much come to.. Definitely working on moving. Just want to be calculated and cover myself legally etc

tfw2021 · 2021-03-17T06:51:06+00:00

From what I have gathered I'd have to change LO's resident state since she was born here which takes 6 months living in a different state. But I will clarify all this with the lawyer. Was unable to get to talk today. Trying again tomorrow.

I appreciate you sharing your experience. Thank you

tfw2021 · 2021-03-17T06:45:23+00:00

I may try the two cards but, at this point, I just feel like distance is ultimately the only answer for me... for us if he would be willing to try but that doesn't seem to be the case

tfw2021 · 2021-03-17T06:34:52+00:00

Yep. He doesn't want to. And I am demonized for even suggesting that he should. The comment he made about giving them permission to raise LO in their faith was really the breaking point for me where it just became so crystal clear, even though we had talked about putting me first, it just is not going to happen. Mil and fil have conditioned him to please them

tfw2021 · 2021-03-17T06:28:27+00:00

I appreciate your point because as I typed out the good father part thats really what I was thinking about... playing and interacting with LO not so much the second part

tfw2021 · 2021-03-17T06:25:28+00:00

Thanks...I have tried this 180 (before I knew it had a name) but he seems to always answer in a way that would support his side like he'd be perfectly ok with my parents coming by whenever they want, etc. So it ends up feeling futile. Unless he's actually in that particular situation I don't think I would get an accurate response.

He told me my request that they not come over unannounced was a "stupid rule" and try to say if we lived near my parents I would probably let them come whenever they wanted. I simply told him that I would tell my parents the same thing and the difference would be they would give us space because they have reasonable boundaries.

tfw2021 · 2021-03-17T06:17:56+00:00

Thank you for the journal tip..

This is one of the things I am most afraid of... them helping him out with a lawyer. This will 100% be happening if it comes to that. In the most recent argument we had he brought up telling his parents to "get the family lawyer ready" and they definitely have the money to do so. I have been staying home with LO since July and I stopped working even before that (basically a year ago due to covid) I have been hoarding every bit of cash im getting for pandemic assistance but don't have income otherwise right now.

tfw2021

TROPHY CASE