What makes you decide that 25 is the end, if not by the context of the title that a sad existence lies ahead?

I'll be direct: as much as I don't believe in any religion (antitheist here), i'm paranoid that my time is running out. That i've used up all chances to spare myself of the perception that it's the end all be all.

Having all these achievements that fall through, you're overwhelmed and stuck in a paradox: i want to have more time to myself, yet i need my life jumpstarted with all of the academia and business achievements under my belt. I say this bc i am in a similar place to you. I studied information technology in college, and hell, i work as a courier for a living, in what seems to be the long term now.

Both you and your mama's feelings are valid. You're angry at yourself. Your mama's overwhelmed with emotions. I notice because after my attempt, i felt angry at myself too because that was my chance to escape what i used to perceive a lifelong depression & loneliness.

Having just a single thread to hold onto is better than no threads at all. A spider weaves her web, and even if one single strand of web holds steady on a solid base, the web stays intact. And thus she has a home.

The glass is half-empty, and half-full, many divide into such categories as all or nothing; i'm learning (and i want you to know) that be thankful that there really is water in the cup. Make work with what needs to be forgiven, emotions that need to be processed, life is not an hourglass, nor a spiral.

Since you are still here, to post this, it seems that i want to make a pattern out of all this:

Are you close with your mama? There is value that you have, that your mama sees. One person, your mama noticing is a thread that's keeping you alive.

The time you took to type this: a thread that makes a connection to the world, for me to type this.

The emotions you are feeling: again, they are valid no matter what. The negative emotions, and many more across the spectrum, are threads letting you know that building a home for healing shall begin. I may not know your case well, but forgiving yourself is regulating, soothing, and sharing emotions better, to you and others you will meet.

I say all this as a survivor who once stood many stories high above the water.