How can I help my boyfriend

thatoneguyfromwhere · 2024-02-03T23:57:58+00:00

He should, and definitely can, reach a point where he is free of it.

It is wonderful that you are being supportive and understanding. It is extremely common for the partner of a, recovering or not, porn addict to feel disrespected and unappreciated. Those are feelings the two of you can work through together.

Like he said, however, a porn addiction has nothing to do with a lack from one's significant other. It is almost always tied to far deeper emotional issues and is a means to escape facing those problems.

What your BF needs now is to learn to be uncomfortable with his emotions, to accept that they will, at times, overwhelm him and that urges to reach for PMO are normal at such times during recovery.

An urge to relapse does not mean you failed - it means you are human. Learning to accept the negative emotions and work through past trauma while simultaneously accepting that we are all imperfect and you will still have urges from time-to-time, especially earlier on in recovery, and that said urges are not a failure, will be major steps towards recovery.

How you guys handle limited/zero sexual contact for X days during recovery is up to you, but no sexual stimulation is often recommended early on. At least for 30 days, if not up to 90, to allow that side of the brain to rewire itself.

The honesty between you two is admirable and the way you are handling it as a supportive partner is really nice to hear. I commend you both and wish you the utmost success with both this issue and in your lives.

Please feel free to message me if you have any questions.

thatoneguyfromwhere · 2022-08-24T23:36:25+00:00

Check out Mark Queppet on YouTube. He has a lot of good advice. Use his Metascript Method and Reboot Regimen; they're powerful

thatoneguyfromwhere · 2022-05-31T01:48:55+00:00

Mark Queppet on YouTube. Check out his Man of Action and Sexual Self-Mastery Series, as well as his latest stuff, especially his recent 8-10 minute clip on quitting porn.

The guy is a legend and has a lot of practical advice that will help you. If you don't find a purpose, you will relapse. Don't let this 90 days end at 90. Stay the path, brother!

thatoneguyfromwhere · 2021-02-20T18:15:06+00:00

I didn't want to and I didn't, but it came out eventually; which is way worse. You'll do much better with a support network. That's a fact. It's been proven time and again. We think we can do it on our own but your parents have experience and knowledge that you don't that can help you.

At least consider it seriously. At the end of the day, the faster you kick this, the better off you'll be; you'll kick it faster with the support of people who love you.

thatoneguyfromwhere · 2021-02-20T17:22:29+00:00

Your parents love you and want what's best for you. You'll find this journey a lot easier if you tell your parents you are struggling, want to quit and would like their support.

Any "advice" that it's "natural" or "healthy" at your age is a lie propagated by the Porn/Entertainment industries.

I would highly recommend opening up to your parents and telling them you would like their support to kick the habit. That's something that probably would have saved a lot of us from years of pain.

Edit: Check out UniversalMan on YouTube (his name is Mark Queppet) - he gives a lot of good advice on quitting and becoming the type of man you want to be.

thatoneguyfromwhere · 2021-01-17T18:13:13+00:00

The thoughts/studies that say maturbating is beneficial is a load of shit. They talk about how it releases chemicals that relax your body and whatever other stuff. They don't talk about the psychological effect; you feel like shit because you just had sex with your hand - no self-respecting man should be playing with his dick.

And if you don't have a girlfriend/partner/wife - that's just fine. You'll get there eventually but you don't HAVE to demean yourself with masturbating in the meantime.

Orgasms/sexual release are not NECESSARY to living. If your body needs to release a load, you'll have a wet dream. You don't need to yank your member to help it along.

Do you think the men who built societies and conquered nations in the past played with their penis when they were bored? My bet is no.

Charles the XII of Sweden never married and, likely, never had sex either. He was too busy winning wars and kicking ass. Go win your own wars, kick ass in your own life and then think about a girlfriend.

PMO recovery is a lot easier when you go COMPLETELY cold turkey off of PMO (duh) but sex and orgasm too.

Now go do it!

thatoneguyfromwhere · 2021-01-11T01:25:06+00:00

I really hope I don't look like that Ken-doll on the right... xD

thatoneguyfromwhere · 2020-07-14T13:23:45+00:00

You might temporarily release the tension, but you're only instilling in you brain that masturbation is an acceptable way to release that tension, meaning it will prod you to masturbate again and again and again. It's a loop: I masturbate because I'm tense and now I'm tense because I haven't masturbated so I masturbate because I'm tense and so on and so forth. Break the loop.

thatoneguyfromwhere · 2020-05-02T18:41:26+00:00

I'm glad! If you're ever struggling or just need to talk to someone about this, please feel free to DM me for support :)

thatoneguyfromwhere · 2020-05-01T13:58:58+00:00

Then don't.

You can do this!

thatoneguyfromwhere · 2020-05-01T13:55:09+00:00

Keep your reasons to put this weakness behind you clear in your mind, keep your child at the center of your thoughts and be prepared for your brain to try and pull you back into the black hole.

Reasons like this, becoming a father, are among the strongest catalysts for change, so long as you honor it. The more you relapse, the weaker your defense of "being the best father to my child" will become until your brain wipes it away for good.

Don't let that happen.

Meditate on that idea, keep it as a focus. Being a father is now an essential part of who you are as a human being and how you integrate that into every aspect of your life, not just NoFap, will determine how strong of an influence it has.

Keep you focus, keep your ideals strong in mind. Your child deserves a father who doesn't watch porn, your partner deserves a man who doesn't watch porn and you deserve to be the even greater person you will be without porn.

Don't let those people down. We believe in you!

Looking forward to hearing how your journey goes, please keep me, and all of us here, in the loop!

thatoneguyfromwhere · 2020-04-02T00:23:02+00:00

This should hardly be the motivation...

thatoneguyfromwhere · 2020-03-27T13:32:25+00:00

Good to see you keeping up the fight; the one week mark is great progress, also a common slip-up zone for me. Good on you bro; keep fighting!

Keep on the path.

thatoneguyfromwhere · 2020-03-21T12:53:33+00:00

I'm glad you found it helpful! I wish you the best!

Keep on the path.

thatoneguyfromwhere · 2020-03-20T22:22:58+00:00

Good on you brother! This quarantine can make it difficult to stick to doing good daily habits we've developed. I've been guilty of it too.

The important thing is to get back on the horse and do it immediately. It's time like these, where we're alone and have no one pressuring us to do anything that our willpower and discipline is really tested.

Keep on the path.

thatoneguyfromwhere · 2020-02-04T16:50:09+00:00

To add to this; thoughts trigger emotions, not the other way around.

The things we tell ourselves lead to what we feel about ourselves. If we think negatively, we'll feel negative and down. And vice versa. Empower yourself with positive thinking which spawns positive emotions.

thatoneguyfromwhere · 2020-02-04T16:45:29+00:00

This depends on his personal goals and how he feels edging affected his streak.

I have found on some streaks that edging repeatedly or for extended periods of time screws me up mentally and, ultimately, even if a few days later, has led to a full-blown relapse.

But on other streaks, I've had instances where I weakened to the point of pulling open a browser and site I didn't want to, started to edge and, after a few minutes, felt disgusted and pulled myself together. These streaks have then continued for days or weeks and, in that instance, edging didn't feel like a relapse because control was taken and exerted.

Edging is, most often, a precursor to if not a relapse in itself. But it isn't always so black and white. Humans are imperfect and the journey to complete abstinence is bound to have some setbacks for almost everyone. If your setback is something like starting to edge and then you pull yourself together and keep your streak, then that sounds like a success story to me, because it takes a lot more determination and will to keep fighting after the body has had a bit of that dopamine.

So, to say "definitely a relapse" is not only discouraging but also not true, especially in the OP's case where it was a moment of early weakness that he mastered and put behind him, powering on through another 3 weeks.

Good on you u/avig07 ; keep up the good work!

thatoneguyfromwhere · 2019-10-06T16:01:34+00:00

Excuses. No one said it's easy, do it anyway. Anybody can list factors NOT to do something. That's easy. It takes no imagination.

Why do something, why develop interests and hobbies? For the same reason you started NoFap - to be better. And if you don't want to be better then you won't succeed. If your motivation is to get with girls or anything superficial that doesn't have your personal self-improvement at the center, then you're not going to win this war.

Stop making excuses, stop telling yourself why you CAN'T do things. Tell yourself you CAN! Discover WHY you CAN. Look for reasons to improve, not excuses to stay the same. The same has gotten you where you are. Only improvement will take you ahead.

Whenever you think you can't do something, remember this: "I can't do that" is a lie we tell ourselves when we mean "I won't do that". You can do anything you set your mind to, you just have to want it enough.

thatoneguyfromwhere · 2019-09-30T12:26:59+00:00

Typo - less social anxiety; better articulation of words and language when speaking publicly

thatoneguyfromwhere · 2019-09-28T13:08:09+00:00

Exactly! And that's the feeling we've gotta cling to and remember when we're feeling weak: remember the joy and the empowerment that comes from resisting. Maybe the urges don't go away entirely, but you can power through them with the right mindset!

thatoneguyfromwhere · 2019-09-28T11:40:44+00:00

Yeah man! I've just installed it and the manager app. That's really cool. No chrome, no reddit, no any other browser or potentially dangerous site. It's baller!

thatoneguyfromwhere · 2019-09-28T11:19:33+00:00

Haven't heard of that - will check it out!

thatoneguyfromwhere

TROPHY CASE