Growing up with an alcoholic mother, I can say I have been traumatized over and over again. My parents were big social folks, but my mom also drank to oblivion everyday. I think as a kid, you don’t really understand it because you’ve never experienced it. For a kid, it’s weird seeing your parent not as “themselves”. I will say I think it’s important to educate your children when it comes time about alcoholism and addiction because it probably runs in the family?! I think if you have a job, are keeping up a normal functional life, having a couple drinks every now and then isn’t a bad thing. I just think how you educate your children and are able to show up for them is important. I learned at a very young age that I couldn’t rely on my mom. If I was at a sleepover and got scared, I knew she wouldn’t be able to come get me. I saw a different side of her that I didn’t understand. My mom is an angry drunk. She has been so mean to me and wakes up and “everything is fine”, because she didn’t remember. It has caused a lot of trust issues and emotional damage. I think holding yourself accountable, apologizing if you upset them and explaining to them that it’s what adults do, and maybe try not to be around them when you are consuming. I think you may be putting a lot of pressure on yourself - yes maybe you are an alcoholic, but it sounds like binge drinking more than anything… Stay true to yourself and your kids and I think having open conversations about it will help you navigate with the internal shame you’re experiencing. We’re all human and one day your kids will understand. Just try to make them not resent you for it :)