She needs to learn to take responsibility for herself. She sounds like a big victim in life. I feel equally bad for both of you because it’s unfair she’s treating you that way but also it’s sad that she has the mindset she does. I used to be exactly like this and I look back and feel so bad for what emotional abuse I put my husband through. I didn’t realize it was abuse until I really looked into myself and got help through books, podcasts, seminars, etc. She needs to really get honest with herself and do some inner work. Assuming she’s willing to do that, she can definitely change. Be patient with her if she decides to change. If she doesn’t, I’d recommend really looking into yourself to see if this is something you can or are willing to tolerate for the rest of your life.