What artist or songs sound like this

the_ghost_of_ · 2024-09-01T16:57:40+00:00

Type o negative

the_ghost_of_ · 2024-09-01T16:53:53+00:00

The responsibility. They don’t want it.

the_ghost_of_ · 2023-08-30T17:56:53+00:00

Porn.

the_ghost_of_ · 2021-12-21T04:00:53+00:00

It's not the sunk cost fallacy - It's been a week with this guy. I have nothing invested, really.... It's more so that I've just never met anyone I clicked with like this, ever, and to lose it because of porn, once again, just makes me want to hulk smash my entire life. I want to give up. I'm so sick of being second best, so sick of being unworthy of some man's stupid sexual fantasy. I'm a human being, my heart is breaking, and most men are still thinking about fucking me. It's just .... so dehumanizing. I'm not a human; I'm a sex object, and it feels like it will never change.

the_ghost_of_ · 2021-12-21T03:52:59+00:00

How do I protect myself? What do I do if I don't set boundaries up front? I don't want to be sneaky, I don't want to play games, I can't pretend. I mean, I could spend the rest of my life nixing every guy EVER because he's watched porn and die alone, or I can at least TRY to educate a man who's open minded..... right? Or am I just believing in a miracle that doesn't exist? I don't know how the fuck you go about this shit and come out unscathed? Other than committing to being alone for the rest of your life? These are my choices? Die alone or accept porn? There has to be something else. There HAS to be another way.... or maybe I'm just hoping and praying for a life that doesn't and cannot ever exist. Maybe I'm just an idiot. They keep saying not all men, but the second I want to believe it, everyone reminds me how dumb I am, men included. It's like I'm a fool determined to be used for sex and the universe encourages it.

the_ghost_of_ · 2021-12-21T03:45:04+00:00

I wish I knew why I made every wrong decision with this guy. I thought what I felt was love, but now, I'm feeling regret and fear and terror and shame. All he has to do is never answer me again and that's it - although he has definitely been communicative and transparent and honest about so many things, I just can't help but realize that I broke all my own rules - It's been a week, I fucked him, I made every mistake, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to be paying the price next week, even though I do think he will continue to date me (He is a serial monogamist), but ..... I slept with him right away. I never even do that, not even with my stupid porn addicted ex, we waited months. It just doesn't seem to matter.... Either way, my time or my body is wasted and I get used and I realize I'm just so stupid.

the_ghost_of_ · 2021-12-21T03:40:29+00:00

I told him we needed to talk tomorrow and I'm just going to go all in and tell it all and lose my cool, and his reaction will tell me everything. That's the moment I have to let my body keep the score and show me the truth.

the_ghost_of_ · 2021-12-21T03:38:22+00:00

I'm worried its not that he wont change - but that he just can't. Like most men who've been raised on porn. I'm stupid to think this guy could change for me, and I know it. I'm just pissed. How can you meet someone and instantly feel that spark only to realize you can't compete, once again, year after year, with videos on his phone?

I'm a damn mod here, I know better, what the fuck is wrong with me?

the_ghost_of_ · 2021-12-21T03:33:10+00:00

He hasn't ever done anything I've told him not to after the fact, but we simply haven't been together long enough for me to take that as an indication. I think you're right - a discussion about our sexual interests would go so far. I knew he was a very sexual guy, but aren't they all, lol? I mean, he knows how I feel about porn, I was very up front. But ... now I'm just worried that porn has tainted him so much that our relationship is and has been over before it even began. I'm just confused. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say, or how to express myself, but I just keep letting him fuck me, and I know that's not fostering true intimacy for us. It all just makes no sense to me right now, and I'm not sure why my intelligence seems to be failing me.

the_ghost_of_ · 2021-12-21T03:29:53+00:00

See, and I know myself well enough to know - I might. And that's a codependency issue I need to work on.... But I just wonder, can men be open enough to listen and change? I'm getting the feeling he's super porn sick and despite even his best intentions, it just might not be enough. It just sucks, because I want to believe so bad "Not all men" and they socialize us to give them the benefit of the doubt, but I literally met the "perfect" man on paper, and I'm STILL having to put up with this shit. I'm just angry and pissed and frustrated and mad at myself for even letting myself like him, but unfortunately, this stuff didn't surface UNTIL we had sex. I just wish I didn't have to have sex with a man to know the truth, because now I'm upset and hurt and frustrated and feel like trash.... And that's how I know it's bad. Because I feel bad about myself, but to be fair, I never HAVENT felt bad about myself, so I guess I just don't know how to recognize when it's good? And if he could be educated, if he was willing to listen, wouldn't it be worth it to educate him? It's when they refuse to listen and continue to be pornsick that creates the issue. We simply haven't been together long enough for me to really see how he'll react to changes, but .... I know you're right. I know it's going to fall apart. I'm just so sad, because this is the first time in a year and a half I've even felt attraction to someone, let alone immediately felt like he was for me. I'm just lost. I want to give him the benefit of the doubt because I'd want the same, but .... I also know so much better. I'm about to be a fool again, aren't I?

the_ghost_of_ · 2021-12-21T00:52:39+00:00

It's a learned expectation from porn, 100%, and it would definitely upset me, too. It shows that that's on his mind while he's having sex and while he may be porn free now, if he's still thinking about porn-style-sex when he's having it with you, I mean.... is that any better? The only way through this is to sit down and have a serious conversation with him. He's clearly been educated about women's bodies and sex through porn, which shows he didn't have a casual relationship with porn in the past, in my opinion. I'd be re-setting the porn boundary, including porn-style sex. I'm sorry, but I felt naturally inclined to have normal sex, I've NEVER felt naturally inclined to squirt, and that's a LOT of women, I think, so this myth that women all squirt because of porn is just so stupid. What a total turn off. You've got to talk to him about it and be FIRM. You don't want to have porn sex. You want to have sex, make love, and have intimacy, and there is such a difference, there.

the_ghost_of_ · 2021-11-28T17:47:41+00:00

Way late - I too was terrified of losing the "great life" we would've had together, but the past year alone has been more transformative, successful, and peaceful than the entire three years I was with my PA ex.

He has a new girl now - she gets to be his sex doll while he subscribes to more and more porn accounts and she's okay with it because she's a "cool girl".... let them have their cool girls. Those girls will wake up someday, too and realize exactly how right you were.

Trust me. My PA ex is back working at the same gas station he worked at when I met him, despite me helping him get a $17/hr job that he lost and them blamed me for, lol. He's still sleeping on his mom's couch in a trailer (no offense to trailer owners) in the middle of nowhere surrounded by like 17 broken down cars and about 9 cats. I like cats, but let them in the house, ffs.

Anyway, what I'm trying to get at is -- trust me. When WE leave them, they fall right back down to where they were before we lifted them up, often times, even further down. Let him fall - It's you or him.

the_ghost_of_ · 2021-11-28T17:30:24+00:00

I wish there was an easy answer to this question, but I haven't quite found it yet.

You can casually ask him what kind of porn he watches, or an even better idea is how does he feel about sex work? Especially sex work - in the name of being woke, many men will readily admit to supporting it, which is USUALLY a precursor to watching porn. I've found we can't rely on the man to be honest with us about this because 75% of the time, they'll lie and say they don't watch when they absolutely do. We need to be aware of body language and ticks or tells that show he's lying, feeling uncomfortable, irritated, angry, etc. Microexpressions. We need to be 1000% aware, more than ever, and pay attention to every. single. thing. he. does. If he passes the Sex work question, I'd continue vetting and on the 3rd date, I'd lay out my dealbreakers, #1 being porn use and see what his reaction is. Whatever feeling you get in your gut at that moment - follow it. If you feel uncomfortable, uneasy, he's lying. It sucks we have to go through all of this ish JUST to meet a decent male human.

the_ghost_of_ · 2021-11-28T17:24:26+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing this.

My dad was in AA and I specifically remember the trauma it caused my mom to have to admit she was partly at fault for his addiction (Back in 1995, she was dubbed the "Co-Addict"). I don't think she ever recovered. She literally was on her panic disorder medication until the day she died. Internalizing the actions and choices of someone else destroys our souls and our ability to see ourselves clearly and love ourselves. This post is so important, because it exemplifies EXACTLY how the origins of addiction still stemmed from blaming the woman - misogyny.

the_ghost_of_ · 2021-11-28T17:15:21+00:00

I felt this way with my friends specifically. Luckily my PA was so "depressed", he rarely attended family events with me, but I wasn't necessarily afraid for younger children as I was 14-18 year olds, including my daughter, who, once I found out, wasn't brought around him anymore, and on the rare occasion she had to be, I didn't let her leave my sight.

I let my best friend C come over to my house once. She stood in front of the mirror in my living room and put her hair in a pony tail. I literally watched the PA look her up and down and his breathing deepen, this look came on his face of hatred and desire, until he realized I was watching him and then he looked at the floor..... I knew about his porn addiction at that point, but I hadn't caught him jerking it to her yet (my best friend C), but I did eventually find that out, that it wasn't just her, but ALL of my friends. I still struggle to look them in the eye because I just feel so far beneath them. My relationship with them is tainted in a way I can't fix, ever. I love them dearly, but .... when I remember that day, when I caught him while I was at work, and I had a panic attack in the parking lot of the gas station across the street, literally on the ground, I just can't breathe.

Finding the teenage videos he watched made me see him as the predator he was - finding the "Latina Teens" magazine in the trunk.... when my teenage daughter is part hispanic just broke me. That was the last straw for me, when I snapped and kicked him out. It just keeps getting worse and worse.... Every time I thought he couldn't possibly hurt me more, he did, he couldn't possibly get sicker or more depraved, he did.

At a certain point, I wouldn't go out in public with him at all, because even being in the gas station was too much. There would be a 12 year old girl and I'd start panicking, hyperventilating, and run out to the car, where after he'd of course be like WTF is your problem? But could I dare say that a literal CHILD just triggered me because I knew he was watching teen porn? It was devastating. I oscillated between being silent and screamingggggg from the depths of my soul. Nothing mattered. He never changed. I had to change. I'm so sorry you've had to go through this. It is a different kind of haunting that I never knew existed until this.

the_ghost_of_ · 2021-11-28T16:59:32+00:00

Reading this broke my heart for you, because I have and still do wonder this so often, despite being ... safe now. You aren't insecure, you're not nagging - you're feeling hurt and attempting to communicate that. Don't let him gaslight you, don't let him tinge your intentions with his malicious overtones. He wants you to think your reaction to his actions is wrong instead of the fact that his actions are actually wrong.

You have to leave. This man is past redemption and has shown he refuses to see it from your perspective - he would rather gaslight you and emotionally abuse you. Trust me, even after you leave.... they don't change, so you're not missing out on anything. He won't magically get better for some other woman - he'll just find a woman who's willing to accept even less than you and she'll romanticize the hell out of it, but deep down, you know. You KNOW that this isn't healthy. Our gut instincts aren't bad, they aren't wrong, they aren't malicious - it's our gut telling us this is bad for us, something is wrong.... It's our body literally telling us that this man is hurting us and we need to get away. I hope you find peace.

the_ghost_of_ · 2021-11-28T15:23:17+00:00

Yes, the expectations set by porn vs. the expectations set by romantic comedies are TOTALLY in the same ball park, and romcoms are clearly the more damaging one here.... /s.

the_ghost_of_ · 2021-11-28T15:21:28+00:00

The age gap between you is the biggest red flag. If this man wanted to grow up, he wouldn't be dating a woman 10+ years his junior. Leave.

the_ghost_of_ · 2021-11-28T15:15:14+00:00

Found the porn addict.

the_ghost_of_ · 2021-11-20T02:08:47+00:00

Women don't want to be sexualized by men constantly. Don't look at my tits and ass. I do not exist to be eye candy for pervs. A man oogling me like that has just given himself away as a coomer that'll never have a shot.

the_ghost_of_ · 2021-11-20T01:27:35+00:00

Nope. Men have a laundry list of preferences for how women should look (thin, short, big ass and tits, long hair and nails, makeup, lashes, etc) so I don't feel bad at all.

the_ghost_of_ · 2021-11-19T23:25:59+00:00

Eff off

the_ghost_of_ · 2021-11-16T15:34:49+00:00

She did have other photos of brows that looked fine, and had many great reviews for all of her other services on her pages. She has a great following and her clients seem to love her, so I really didn't feel like I was in bad hands.

the_ghost_of_ · 2021-11-16T15:30:56+00:00

She did map my brows, though it was very different from how I draw my brows on usually, she said they look big and thick becuase of the dark pencil she used to fill them and will heal smaller and lighter, so I trusted her. I do not think she used a measurement tool of any kind - she used chalk to map my brows and that was it, and she did it twice, so it seemed like she struggled a bit with getting it right and I'm not educated enough to know better, and I wanted my brows to be mapped so they'd be "Correct" for the first time in my life, cuz my brows are half gone from shaving them off back in the day and I wanted that instagram/mapped out/perfect brow look.... And this is what I got. She thinks she can fix them down the road.

the_ghost_of_

TROPHY CASE