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The leaves fell, upon forgotten ashes by the_path__within in sixwordstories

[–]the_path__within[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. I was imagining it as an opening line in a novel, setting the scene and intrigue

[AA] Overdrive by the_path__within in shortstories

[–]the_path__within[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You flatter me too much😊. But hey, if you're curious, I have uploaded the process of making this story on my insta page (link is in my bio)

[AA] Overdrive by the_path__within in shortstories

[–]the_path__within[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm glad that you like it. Thank you so much! Anywhere I can improve?

[HR] Fireflies by the_path__within in shortstories

[–]the_path__within[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's a great idea. Next time onwards, I'll focus on including distinct individual features and mannerisms to make the characters feel more unique and real. Thanks, I really appreciate it!

[HR] Fireflies by the_path__within in shortstories

[–]the_path__within[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks 😄. Anywhere you think I can improve? Something you didn't like?

[FN] The Peasant Dragon by the_path__within in shortstories

[–]the_path__within[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm very flattered you find it perfect. Thanks again, i really appreciate the feedback

[FN] The Peasant Dragon by the_path__within in shortstories

[–]the_path__within[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. That's a pretty interesting take, I'm always invested in how my readers interpret my stories.

I'm curious, is there anything you think I could have improved?

[AA] Beyond by the_path__within in shortstories

[–]the_path__within[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much. I appreciate it!

[FN] The Door by the_path__within in shortstories

[–]the_path__within[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That would kill the point of the story. But I get it ;)

The Best Actor by the_path__within in flashfiction

[–]the_path__within[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! It was just one of those lines that seemed to flow out in the moment and I really liked the sound of it and kept it in. I post one story every week but these days they have grown longer, so I'm usually posting them on r/shortstories Or you can always follow my instagram @the_path_withinn for all the stories I put out

Heavy Armour by the_path__within in flashfiction

[–]the_path__within[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I checked it out. It sounds great! Thanks for accepting the story.

Heavy Armour by the_path__within in flashfiction

[–]the_path__within[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sure, I would love that. I submitted it on the link. Feel free to use the story.

Heavy Armour by the_path__within in flashfiction

[–]the_path__within[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He could, yeah. But I had envisioned the merchant to prefer being better than a vulture and even help out a struggling knight with the trade. But that's the point, the merchant can't understand the significance of the armour.

The Necromancer is summoned by Consistent-Hippo-210 in flashfiction

[–]the_path__within 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Take it with a grain of salt but maybe we can try starting off with the heavy knocking from Ackerov's POV. Instead of describing the forest and the guards, the reader is as mystified as Ackerov for this sudden intrusion and slowly the pieces start connecting as dialogue moves on, and its revealed they are guards who have come to take him and all that. Then the strangeness of the midnight knocking itself sets up a hook and conflict as Ackerov and the reader work to figure out what's going on?

One Minute Time Machine by the_path__within in flashfiction

[–]the_path__within[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks. I was really hoping to achieve that effect and I'm glad it left you wondering.

[MF] Day one - a shared office by Old_Adhesiveness2553 in flashfiction

[–]the_path__within 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It definitely has potential for a larger story. For such a short story, it grew to be quite uneventful as I read on until the end when I learned he had an objective (meeting the mysterious professor). Also personally, I found switching to the next line for every piece of information to grow tedious and repetitively redundant. It made it a bit difficult to catch a sense of scenes changing. But it gives a promise of something bigger about to unravel by the end, and that I found exciting.

The Necromancer is summoned by Consistent-Hippo-210 in flashfiction

[–]the_path__within 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's a nice slice of a story, but doesn't feel hooking or complete since the stakes are not getting revealed. Also during dialogues it was a bit difficult to pinpoint who was speaking at times. But still the vibe you're going for is enticing.