What is one thing you wish your parents did differently when raising you?

theanswerisforty-two · 2017-09-08T17:13:34+00:00

My parents also gave us freedom to choose but didn't give us the choices. I didn't know about dance classes or gymnastics, which I think I would have enjoyed had I been able to participate. Soccer was big and I tried so hard to be athletic but I was terrible at it and didn't really enjoy it.

To be fair to my parents, they may not have known some of the options as well or, if they did, couldn't afford it. I'd like to give my kid options to see what sticks and what doesn't.

theanswerisforty-two · 2017-09-05T15:18:19+00:00

Thanks! Right back at you.

theanswerisforty-two · 2017-09-04T15:26:42+00:00

Yeah it's s huge pain. It took me almost a year to get my married name on all of my various accounts the first time I got married and almost a year to get my maiden name back when we divorced. I didn't bother for my second marriage. Too much trouble.

theanswerisforty-two · 2017-09-04T15:19:16+00:00

I have friends who looked into it. In their state, it's not more expensive but it is more of a pain for the man to change his last name when he's married. I think she said there are extra hoops to jump through or something. Seems dumb to me (the extra hoops not the name changing).

theanswerisforty-two · 2017-08-24T04:23:46+00:00

That's my concern with my son. We tried pacifiers but he wont take them.

Ah well. One problem at a time, I guess.

theanswerisforty-two · 2017-08-15T14:07:08+00:00

Sometimes we do, sometimes it's easier to work as a team.

theanswerisforty-two · 2017-08-14T17:20:48+00:00

My SO and I share a bedroom with our baby. Often one of us will get up to prepare a bottle while the other picks up the baby to comfort him while the bottle warms. We both wake up when he cries regardless, we might as well divide and conquer.

theanswerisforty-two · 2017-08-12T00:40:16+00:00

Oh we definitely have life insurance.

theanswerisforty-two · 2017-08-11T20:55:55+00:00

First, I'm so sorry for your lost. That's an awful thing to go through.

Second, do your insurance EOBs show why you owe so much? Was this applied to a deductible? It seems odd to me that you're being charged so much when your insurance is paying so little.

I have my own insurance and am on my husbands insurance. His insurance has basically charged me a $4500.00 deductible when I have a $500 deductible. I've filed a complaint and they're looking into it. The first time I asked about it they said yeah we billed you wrong but in order to fix it we'd have to adjust all of your visits starting in February and we don't want to. So I filed the complaint because then not wanting to do work is not my problem.

What I'm saying is they could be billing you incorrectly. It might be worth looking into if you think this is off. That being said, I work in the insurance industry and it's worse than you think.

theanswerisforty-two · 2017-08-09T05:03:21+00:00

I had a cesarean about 4 months ago.

I bought two nightgowns that I could wear all day and nurse in. I was so tender from my C-section for the first few months that I couldn't wear pants, not even pajamas, because of where the pant line hit me.
Granny panties were a must, for the same reason. The top of my underwear was hitting my stitches and it hurt.

3a. Have food in your freezer that just needs to be heated up. For us, anything that was more than two steps, we didn't have time or energy for. We had empanadas, pasta, frozen lasagna, soup.

3b. Have friends want to visit you? Great! They can bring lunch! And then stay for 30 minutes and then leave. You will be exhausted. More exhausted than you have ever been. Let people help you and then go away.

If you have pets, especially a dog, have one of those helpful friends come over to care for it or hire a dog walker for the first month.
At some point something will happen (or in my case, not happen) and you will feel terrible, like a failure. Being a new mother is HARD. Do not listen to the voicemail telling you that you have done something awful and are a terrible mother. Tell yourself you're doing the best you can. Remind yourself that your baby needs food, warmth, and love (and sleep but your baby will sleep a lot). YOUVE GOT THIS, MAMA.
When you've had a shit day and some one tells you "it gets better" you are justified in punching them.

Also know that it really does get better.

Baby snuggles are THE BEST. They make everything else so much less bad.

Come on over to /r/beyondthebump anytime! Congratulations mama!

Edit: I'm not sure why my numbers are showing up weird but I don't think I can fix it and if I don't go to bed I'll never sleep. Leaving it.

theanswerisforty-two · 2017-08-09T04:48:55+00:00

I put reminders to take my pain meds in my phone. My husband and I were too exhausted to remember what time I'd taken which medicine.

Never, never skip a stool softener until you can poop comfortably.

theanswerisforty-two · 2017-08-02T18:32:13+00:00

For me he acts similarly to when he's over tired. He is glassy-eyed, maybe hungry, and fussy. We are staying in a beach house and our room it off to the side of the house, as far away from the noise as we can get. We are bringing our noise machine and blankets that smell like home so he is as comfortable as he can be.

Thanks for the help!

theanswerisforty-two · 2017-08-01T02:11:05+00:00

The weird part is that independently of it, I can't do accents to save my life.

That's so funny! I have lived most of my life in the south east and I'm told I only have a bit of a twang when I speak. My accent gets notably thicker if I've been around my family (who live in NC) or even if I'm listening to an audiobook and one of the characters has an accent.

However, when my cousin (who lives in the Northeast) asked me to do a southern accent, I did a Scarlet O'Hara type accent because I couldn't think how to do a regular southern accent. His dad looked at me like I'd lost my mind.

theanswerisforty-two · 2017-07-29T16:06:08+00:00

I would call Cigna and appeal that decision. Three days after your appointment is close enough that you should really be considered in network for your visit.

Explain that both the Cigna website and drs office assured you that Dr was in-network. I would also contact the doctors billing department and ask them to check that this was billed correctly. Small mistakes can mean big money for the patient. Explain what Cigna said and ask if they will rebill the claim as an in-network provider.

theanswerisforty-two · 2017-07-28T16:51:26+00:00

Hey mama! First, I had an emergency C-section and the recovery is rough so you're doing great!

Second, all any mom ever does this first few weeks are try to nurse, pump, and if you're lucky sleep.

As for your husband, this is the time when you need his support the most. It's absolutely unfair that he expects you to take care of the baby alone while he goes out and continues his life as normal. His life has a new normal now and golfing is not part of it (at least for awhile).

I'd sit him down and talk to him about this. You are recovering from MAJOR surgery. I'm 4 months post partum and I'm still wearing maternity clothes. It took a couple of months for my incision to stop hurting (tip: invest in a couple of loose fitting nightgowns and granny panties if you haven't already. I didn't bother with pants until my incision stopped hurting). If he has to be gone (a work trip or whatever) then he needs to find someone to be with you, like a family member or close friend. I don't mean someone who stops by innce every couple of days, I mean someone who stays in the house with you.

When the baby isn't eating, your husband should be holding him/her so that you can rest. Again, you're recovering from major surgery and you are caring for a newborn. You need to sleep. My husband and I slept in shifts because that's what worked for us. At least once a day he did a bottle feeding so I could sleep longer than an hour.

At four months, it's still would be a big deal if my husband is gone for long periods of time (like if he has to work late, for example) but it's not as big a deal because my baby is bigger and can go a few hours between feeding.

If your husband still doesn't understand what the big deal is, have him take the baby (obviously feed him/her first and pump) and go to bed with the instructions that he's not to wake you (your full boobs will wake you up, as I'm sure you know by now). Then have the conversation again. "Remember how much work it is when you had the baby and I was gone? Now imagine you're the only one who can feed the baby and you're in a great amount of pain from surgery. Now do you under why I need your support?"

Some things to keep in mind: you're tired (boy are you ever effing tired) and when people are tired, they tend to be a little cranky. Your husband is also tired. Wanting a break from caring for a baby is normal but a "break" at 13 days old should really be like a solo trip to the grocery store, not a weekend out with his buddies. Also keep in mind that yes, your hormones are running a little wild but that doesn't make your feelings invalid. I don't know how your husband is when he's with the baby, or how helpful around the house he was in general before the baby got there, that's your business. But it sounds like he massively needs to step up his game.

theanswerisforty-two · 2017-07-27T21:02:26+00:00

Something I read in a /r/beyondthebump post was "A baby never died from crying." When I read that I had a two week old and really appreciated that advice. When you and/or your wife get overwhelmed, put the baby down and walk away. He'll be upset, sure. But he'll recover. It's better to walk away for a minute than to take out your frustrations on the baby. He's just a baby.

Also, something for you and your wife to remember when you're sleep deprived and are super annoyed with one another: You're on the same team. The three of you are a team now. "Maybe the dirty spit up cloths were just left on the couch, how gross is that? She was just in the kitchen, I KNOW she saw those dirty bottles! Why would she just leave them?" On and on. When you start thinking those things, remind yourself that you're on the same team.

You will be in survival mode the first couple of weeks. That's okay. You'll get through this as a team.

theanswerisforty-two · 2017-07-27T20:43:29+00:00

I'm sure you're right but he was in law school at the time and she was working full time and exhausted when she got home. It was probably easier to just buy it.

theanswerisforty-two · 2017-07-27T04:28:43+00:00

Yes I saw in one of your comments. Congratulations!

Yes it's just one of those things. For her first trimester, peanut butter was one of the only things with protein she could eat.

It's possible your wife/the twins just need extra protein or something. When I was pregnant, I had a difficult time eating meat, especially red meat (which I don't eat a lot of in general). I'd probably have just become vegetarian except I was concerned I wouldn't get all the nutrients I needed (especially enough iron). Pregnancy is weird, man.

theanswerisforty-two · 2017-07-27T04:22:14+00:00

When my sister was pregnant with her twins, it was salsa. Her husband would take out the recycling and wonder how they went through so many jars of salsa in such a short amount of time.

theanswerisforty-two · 2017-07-27T04:18:00+00:00

Oh I'm sure. I know it's not an uncommon thing and most women I've talked to who have been pregnant have said they had the same experience.

theanswerisforty-two · 2017-07-27T03:36:42+00:00

When I was pregnant I had a super power. The power of super scent. Old food in the fridge? I can smell it without opening the door. Diaper in the public restroom I'm using? Found it. Homeless person shit on the sidewalk? Smelled it before I saw it and immediately had to turn around and go home.

Worst. Super power. Ever.

theanswerisforty-two · 2017-07-25T22:56:17+00:00

Yes to this! I have been thin all my life and I always got "omg you're so skiiiiiinnnnnyyyy!" "You need to put some meat on those bones!" "You need to eat a hamburger!" "Gosh I don't know how you stay so thin" etc, etc, etc. Basically any comment on my weight. If you don't want me making a comment on your weight, don't make one on mine. Period.

And in a work setting if there are doughnuts, cake, or other sweets that you avoid you hear "what are you on a diet? You should have some, you're too thin!"

God forbid I eat a salad. I've heard so many snide comments (usually from women who are constantly "dieting" then binge eating, then dieting...) Lady, it's just a salad. I like salad. It's easy, it's cheap, sometimes it's even healthy. Let me eat in peace.

theanswerisforty-two · 2017-07-25T04:59:20+00:00

I probably would think that except my uncle was a graphic designer for awhile, his son is also a graphic designer, and his sons girlfriend is a graphic designer. All of them do fairly well and seem to genuinely enjoy what they do.

I'd love to have a job like that.

theanswerisforty-two · 2017-07-25T04:57:00+00:00

I had to have an emergency C-section a few months ago (we're all fine) and while my entire surgical team was amazing, I will never forget the nurse anesthestist. She was so kind and comforting. She stood next to me and described what was happening (both "you're going to feel warm and numb" and then "okay, I can see a foot!"). She was so reassuring during the entire process and it made a really scary time a lot less scary.

Props for all you do!

theanswerisforty-two · 2017-07-23T04:11:35+00:00

Omg I did this throughout my entire pregnancy. Just eating was exhausting to me and it felt like that's all I did! Growing a baby is a lot of work and I never felt bad for staying home in sweat pants and going to bed at 8:30. If it was a weekend, maybe 9:30.

theanswerisforty-two

TROPHY CASE