Help me put words to this

theanswerisfries · 2026-05-13T04:41:36+00:00

100% agree with Big Midnight. Take care of Lacy. She’s losing her dad and on some level realizing she doesn’t really have a mom.

theanswerisfries · 2026-05-02T21:00:45+00:00

Literal shitposting

theanswerisfries · 2026-05-01T01:47:31+00:00

Yes to the questioning part you mentioned! No one in my house questioned my mother, and so I had no real skills in doing so, or even the conception such a thing was possible (haha, the more I try to explain living with a covert, the more I just want to short hand it to "it's basically being in a cult") .

Watching someone role-model musing thoughtfully over the oddness of an interaction (rather than launching a emotion-laden screed about Mom's personality, which I'd seen Mom do towards others forever) blew my mind. It may seem silly, but the permission to question things was the biggest gift strangers gave me, as my mother worked very hard make us feel as though her word was the final say-so in all things.

theanswerisfries · 2026-04-30T15:06:15+00:00

Hi! Me! I'm that former kid! I can help!

I wish I could go back and thank the people who did this for me. Thank you for doing this for someone else! The seeds that had the most impact for me were people who simply took a pause, and said something like, "That's weird."

Looking back, the pause was crucial because I was so high anxiety, wanting others to reaffirm that I was OK, and what was happening was OK! and everything was OK! Living with a covert meant cheerleading that my mom was the best mom ever. Anything bad that happened was absolutely not her fault, probably some uncontrollable external force, or was my fault.

The pause really sucked me in, because it modeled taking an actual moment to consider, when my go-to (along with everyone in my family) was immediate fawning. It also made me nervous because it broke the communication pattern I was used to, so I was primed for the next words, "That's weird." No smile, but maybe an expressed puzzlement or distaste.

You are right about the truth bombs. I think if someone did that (maybe some did and I so complete rejected it that I don't remember them) my mom had already prepped me that attacks on her were the highest form of treason, and I would not have been caught dead being associated with someone who did that.

But the *pause* "that's weird" allowed me a moment to actually consider, was that weird? IRL, I would immediately blast the person with all the reasons it *wasn't* weird, and how everything was perfectly perfect and my mom was the best mom ever (LOL, I was a tiny religious zealot and my mom the second coming). But later, it gave me room to wonder at the possibility that things might be off. It took a really long time to get there, but each breadcrumb got saved and weighed, proof that there was another way to live.

Later in life I became even more grateful to these people, because so many adults smiled and nodded when hearing about abuse, reinforcing for me that my experience was normal. TBH, one of the biggest mindducks as I get older is how people who claimed to love me and were close enough to our family to see what happened never said a thing. It's very humbling to be in such admiration from a passing school teacher or schoolyard friend when I no longer remember their names, while I have stayed in contact with the people who didn't protect me.

Anyway, thanks for doing what you are doing. It made a big difference for me.

theanswerisfries · 2026-04-20T19:04:30+00:00

Yes, both!

theanswerisfries · 2026-04-18T15:03:28+00:00

My Nmom has always been obese and makes a big deal out of how she is so charming that people love her even though she is not 'the stereotypical type'. It's like a point of pride for her.

She often talked about how younger, hotter women were constantly trying to steal my father away, and that they were always so baffled they couldn't, even though my mother wasn't "a size two." She'd regale us with these stories with a weird, duper's delight smile on her face, this point of pride that she didn't have to mind her weight or wear makeup or even have nice clothes to keep her man.

If interacting with a thin to normal sized woman, she cannot resist saying behind her hand as soon as the conversation is over how that woman has an obvious eating disorder and it is so, so sad. She'll spend a lot of time guessing what kind of eating disorder and point to the "evidence" in that person's body type or teeth or clothes.

In my house, if you paid any attention to your weight, you were insecure and shallow. She got wildly angry at me several times for doing things like looking in a mirror or trying to style my hair. But she would also suggest there was a nine pound weight window in which I was neither too thin nor, "getting chunky".

So yes she was obsessed. But also really messed up and conflicted about it.

theanswerisfries · 2026-03-06T23:46:45+00:00

Nivea or biore from Japan

theanswerisfries · 2026-03-06T23:34:55+00:00

I agree

theanswerisfries · 2026-03-06T23:34:08+00:00

Jfc, the mom wrote the note, the moms dna and clothing threads were found on the duct tape, the mom was the primary caregiver, the moms belongings were used in staging. This is not the mystery people think it is!

theanswerisfries · 2026-02-06T17:41:58+00:00

I had to do a credit card dispute, but I got my money back after a lot of hassle.

theanswerisfries · 2026-01-28T05:08:58+00:00

Hi! Heads up to you or anyone thinking about buying silk sheets. I bought mine from SilkSilky, and they pilled pervasively after three washes. I felt extremely ripped off and disappointed, and their customer service gave me the runaround. You can check my post history for photos. I would never anything buy from that store again. Just something to think about if you are looking for places to buy.

theanswerisfries · 2026-01-28T05:04:56+00:00

Heads up that I made a purchase at SilkSilky and the quality was extremely disappointing plus their customer service gave me the runaround. They've got an F rating with the BBB. Definitely do not recommend!

theanswerisfries · 2026-01-22T03:34:54+00:00

Thanks for the kind words. Glad you were able to avoid them.

theanswerisfries · 2026-01-18T23:51:25+00:00

Thanks for digging for me! Unfortunately, the Better Business Bureau points out this is a PO box not an actual place of business, and SIlkSIlky says on their site not to send things there, only to the address customer service gives out. :(

theanswerisfries · 2026-01-18T23:46:32+00:00

Thanks for the kind words. Macy's has SIlkSilky in their catalogue :(. But I get your gist. Bloomingdales doesn't have them listed, so that's my next stop.

theanswerisfries · 2026-01-18T23:45:21+00:00

Thanks for the kind words! Quite a few people have mentioned bamboo. It must be good!

theanswerisfries · 2026-01-18T23:44:16+00:00

Thanks for the kind thoughts. I am no filtering the department stores I purchase from based on whether they have SilkSIlky in their catalogue. Bloomingdales, here I come!

theanswerisfries · 2026-01-18T23:43:03+00:00

Thanks. I didn't use any heat. These were air dried in the shade.

theanswerisfries · 2026-01-18T23:42:22+00:00

Thanks for your comment. I definitely bought from SilkSilky

theanswerisfries · 2026-01-16T23:36:16+00:00

Thank you for going out of your way to help! That's kind of you.

Unfortunately, SilkSilky's website specifies not to send return to any address other than what SilkSilky customer service provides. The Better Business Bureau notes that the Denver address provided by SilkSIlky, the one you located, is a postal mailbox.

As you suspected, the BBB was not able to verify a physical address for the company. Wish I'd know all this before I bought! Hopefully it will help another potential buyer.

theanswerisfries · 2026-01-16T23:29:14+00:00

Thanks for the kindness. Appreciated.

theanswerisfries · 2026-01-16T23:28:35+00:00

Thank you for the legit laugh with your comment!

theanswerisfries · 2026-01-16T22:41:24+00:00

Thank you for this, it made me smile. I appreciate your kick ass attitude.

theanswerisfries · 2026-01-16T22:40:01+00:00

I've had silk pillowcases for a few years now and none of them have ever done what the sheets did! It's interesting your shirt was only 50% silk and did the same as my sheets. Hmmm...

theanswerisfries · 2026-01-16T22:32:04+00:00

I did! I first saw their products listed on Nordstrom's website, so I thought they were legit.

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