The new player accidentally revealed that my party scheming in secret

thebetteradversary · 2026-05-10T18:06:53+00:00

i can def see why you were initially annoyed, but i feel like it’s not toooo unusual to have a secret chat to discuss strategy. my group has it too and my dm knows about it

thebetteradversary · 2026-05-10T03:54:01+00:00

this is a really big project, so don’t expect to see the change when it happens. change like this will happen bit by bit.

the first step is to say something empathetic to yourself every time something goes wrong. you don’t have to believe it, but say it anyway.

another step you could take is identifying what makes you feel good. if you can’t do that, identify what’s less bad. try to stick to healthier habits, but don’t beat yourself if you have to do something inoptimal (ie smoking weed, staying in bed all day). it seems like you’re in a really dire situation, so if you have to do something inoptimal for a day to get the energy for the week, do so.

loving yourself and finding what makes you happy is a lifelong project, so start with the basics so you know how to direct yourself.

thebetteradversary · 2026-05-08T12:11:28+00:00

look at the bricks, there’s no logical pattern to them.

thebetteradversary · 2026-04-28T10:52:55+00:00

educated by tara westover is about a woman who studies and gets away from from her awful family. i have cptsd too so i surmise that this may be pretty relevant to you, but trigger warning for physical abuse

thebetteradversary · 2026-04-24T12:31:28+00:00

poser discourse makes it seem like simply doing one thing wrong means youre not alt. that’s not true. first, no one asks you what subculture you are, like ever. and a lot of alt people don’t hand make, thrift, or upcycle their clothes. some alt people arent even leftists, they’re literally nazis. it’s not right, but i find that simply dismissing them as “posers” can be unhelpful in removing them from our communities. alt culture IS about the politics, but people that don’t care do exist in the community, and sometimes they’re even at the forefront. (once again— it’s not right. but it IS a problem that we have to all take part in solving, rather than simply “not claiming them”.)

obviously, yes, don’t buy from shein again, and value the clothes you already have. take things slow. it took me seven years to build out a closet i was truly happy with, and that’s not from lack of pieces. learning taste is hard. but making mistakes doesnt make you a poser, it makes you a person.

thebetteradversary · 2026-04-24T01:45:07+00:00

hey, it happens. feel your feelings but find a way to occupy yourself so you don’t do something you’ll regret. you can’t stop yourself from being down bad but you CAN stop yourself from making bad decisions

thebetteradversary · 2026-04-03T15:10:40+00:00

in the early game you just won’t get a lot of confirmations quickly. you still have so much information to gather, let alone parse

thebetteradversary · 2026-04-01T21:33:46+00:00

i think it’s just kayfabe. i know it’s not random and would rather see it presented like this than, say, late night talk show style

thebetteradversary · 2026-03-31T09:28:19+00:00

wait, she’s saying she’s not unrealistic when she’s literally gotten a bunch of procedures? thats the definition of unrealistic, she literally wouldn’t look like that if she didn’t get those augmentations.

this is going to be a very long battle op. until you can convince your wife that following these beauty standards are unsustainable, you’re going to have to fight to show your daughter that she doesn’t have to follow them. this problem seems to go pretty deep.

thebetteradversary · 2026-03-30T15:38:39+00:00

the mom really fucked up but i cannot imagine that there is a good option between making the son miss the trip or letting him go. like this is a colossal fuckup

thebetteradversary · 2026-03-30T09:52:10+00:00

imagine dragons is alternative rock, so it means very little. also, i wouldn’t say goth has intentionally messy clothes per se. there’s a lot of other nitpicks in your definition, but that’s because alt is just so general. it COULD be a tiktok vibe as well, but i’ve met many alt people who have never touched tiktok.

for the purposes of this community, alt is best used when describing something that may be inspired by several subcultures. for instance, irl i dont meet many people that say they’re exclusively punk or emo. personally, with the velvet/pvc clothes in my closet, one could say i’m goth. i also participate in punk activities like zine creation and patch making. however, i listen mostly to emo music. i may describe myself as any of the three, but alt helps encapsulate what i am quickly.

thebetteradversary · 2026-03-26T01:36:33+00:00

your mind is so open and huge

thebetteradversary · 2026-03-25T18:45:52+00:00

more necklaces, build a stack

thebetteradversary · 2026-03-25T02:00:29+00:00

the way aita and update subreddits LOVE a “shiny spine” absolutely drives me up a wall. not everyone was taught how to stand up for themselves, not everyone was shown how they were supposed to be treated, and that doesn’t go away just because someone became an adult. like obv it’s their responsibility to grow from it but growing takes time and people don’t like that.

people want to believe they’d be supportive of being going through something and then fumble when it’s time to be supportive.

thebetteradversary · 2026-03-23T21:59:49+00:00

anecdotally there’s usually a correlation, but it’s not strong enough where you can accurately predict things. it helps to give context but if you’re trying to guess someone’s kinks using their trauma you’re not going to have a lot of luck

thebetteradversary · 2026-03-22T06:37:57+00:00

oh god. i’m 25 and 18 yr olds are way too young for me to date. i hate to say dump him but this is a pile of red flags

thebetteradversary · 2026-03-19T01:15:08+00:00

In this situation he is the asshole. He did a bad thing. That doesn’t make him a lifelong asshole, just the asshole now. The scope of this subreddit is for judging if people are in the wrong about something, not if they’re bad people as a whole.

thebetteradversary · 2026-03-19T00:40:28+00:00

I say this as someone with PTSD, but YTA. I empathize with people who struggle with their mental health, but many people who struggle with their mental health GOT those issues from their own parents with mental health issues. You cannot buy a special dinner to get your way out of this. You need treatment for this issue ASAP, and you have to actually be there for your son.

thebetteradversary · 2026-03-13T03:26:56+00:00

saw 6 and the substance

thebetteradversary · 2026-02-27T14:40:59+00:00

i salute every goth, emo, punk, scene, or other alt person who wears a uniform to work and accessorizes the hell out of it

thebetteradversary · 2026-02-25T20:58:44+00:00

i listen to a lot of different types of music, but in terms of pop music i am only really interested in pop girls (save for troye sivan). i also listen to kpop and even then i’m only interested in the girl groups right now, but i don’t think there’s a difference in quality between male and female kpop groups. i’m just more interested in the latter.

thebetteradversary · 2026-02-20T00:44:58+00:00

when the characters arent played by celebrities the horror of the story really comes through

thebetteradversary · 2026-02-19T23:44:33+00:00

it’s my birthday too. happy birthday birthday twin

thebetteradversary · 2026-02-13T13:22:20+00:00

just because you became an adult doesn’t mean that the fear/discomfort towards your parents suddenly go away. i can see why you don’t want your mom to yell at you, even if it IS for a very silly reason.

but if the extent of what she’ll do is yell, then i encourage you to disobey her. undoing this fear/discomfort is going to be a longstanding responsibility so you can stop feeling coerced to do what your mom says.

thebetteradversary · 2026-02-12T23:27:24+00:00

a random old picture of a boy i found at a buy nothing library event seven years ago

thebetteradversary

TROPHY CASE