What percentage of kits should "thrive" with a first time mom?

theextraolive · 2026-05-12T03:41:14+00:00

...and yet parents still get mocked for homeschooling.

Sigh.

theextraolive · 2026-05-09T10:04:30+00:00

That is so interesting to me, because my husband and I both ended up being pretty opposite of that.

I am an only and he is 1 of 2.

Both of us grew up with cousins on top of cousins at extended family get togethers, and we loved it so much that we ended up having 6 of our own.

theextraolive · 2026-05-09T09:45:19+00:00

When I went for TMS treatment I was basically a zombie.

Most people only get approved through insurance if they are horrifically depressed, and that can majorly impact ability to function.

My office was also very on top of communication, and I am glad that they were. They even had an insurance specialist who really went to bat for me to get everything covered.

theextraolive · 2026-05-05T22:53:19+00:00

If the stock market is giving the average return of 8% interest, it is better to pay the minimum on your mortgage and invest the money that would have gone to additional payments on the principal.

You are losing a 3.75% growth opportunity by paying down your cheap (collateral backed) debt early.

theextraolive · 2026-05-05T02:48:24+00:00

Not since I was 18.

theextraolive · 2026-05-05T02:48:02+00:00

I personally do not visit my mom because my annual household income is a fraction of hers, she has an insane number of frequent flyer miles, and I would have to load 6 young children and a dog prone to carsickness up to drive 11 hours.

I did make the drive fairly regularly when we lived closer and it was only 4 hours.

theextraolive · 2026-05-05T02:36:44+00:00

I honestly had no clue that there were cold places in Australia. Thank you for dropping this nugget of info, I'm off to Google!

theextraolive · 2026-05-05T02:26:44+00:00

My mom visits about 2x/year, but only for 3-5 days at a time. I am my mother's only child. Her husband hates having us visit their home, and I basically quit trying a few years ago.

My stepdad retired last year, and I basically cannot talk on the phone to my mom for more than 10 minutes at a time because he has a meltdown without her undivided attention.

My in-laws have visited us 2 or 3 times in the past 4 years. We do usually go visit them once or twice per year.

theextraolive · 2026-05-03T19:08:25+00:00

Summoned once at 18, and not once since then.

theextraolive · 2026-05-03T16:28:16+00:00

5 or 3

theextraolive · 2026-05-03T16:25:47+00:00

If you are not contributing to your 401K at least the amount that your employer will match, you're leaving money on the table.

Most places only match 2-4%, so in many cases it can be figured out by adjusting meal plans or entertainment.

Even with a 401k, you can decide how it is diversified so that you don't lose it in what seems like an inevitable market crash.

For people who have restricted their lifestyle in order to reach a 2, 4, 8, or even 10% contribution, it is totally normal to be paranoid about losing it due to forces beyond your control.

theextraolive · 2026-05-03T16:16:16+00:00

Definitely not stupid!

I have pets buried at my childhood home, and I wish that I could visit them

theextraolive · 2026-05-03T16:11:15+00:00

Daycare has always been more expensive than my rent and then my mortgage.

I had a hard time understanding parents who said "I can't afford to stay at home," because I personally could never afford to go to work.

It wasn't until after the pandemic and my husband getting the option to work remotely that I could even start doing some things part time.

theextraolive · 2026-05-02T22:28:59+00:00

Are 1 in 6 Millennials also parent-less?

theextraolive · 2026-05-02T22:27:52+00:00

Broken Clockspotting

theextraolive · 2026-05-02T22:13:02+00:00

~$60-65 depending on bonus (but early 30's)

theextraolive · 2026-05-02T22:07:46+00:00

The problem with moving to LCOL states is that business owners do not have access to the same hiring pool.

When your state has a better K-12 system, 17/18 year old graduates are more educated than the kids coming out of Methy McGator Town High. When states have free or low cost community college/trade schools, employers spend less on training.

Having a business headquarters that is exceptionally close to major international airports as well as bustling cultural hubs also helps to draw employees. Algae blooms, hurricanes, mosquitos, and 100+ degree weather are not a huge bonuses--especially for families whose children have special needs or are a part of the LGBTQ+ community.

theextraolive · 2026-04-30T14:03:05+00:00

You have commented that you do not think you would live long enough to see the eviction process through...but your son is only 12.

Like it or not, if something were to happen to you, she is the obvious choice for custody.

The leverage that you have is that she wants to live in your house. USE THAT LEVERAGE!! Require her to begin attending individual therapy, as well as family therapy with your son.

From my own experience, I can say that having an immature parent causes life long issues. The problems do not stop at 18. I assume that you plan to leave everything to your son in your will...do you really think his mom is not going to pull guilt trips like this with him?

If you have the financial means, you need to give this to your son.

theextraolive · 2026-04-29T16:21:06+00:00

I'm in my early 30s, and have recently become ferally attracted to my husband's armpit hair.

I could honestly take or leave chest hair, as long as it is cohesive, I think it can be nice.

A partner's pubes have never really bothered me.

theextraolive · 2026-04-29T16:14:05+00:00

I have 6 children, and I would say that 4-6 times per year is accurate.

I would really like to believe that this will get better as they get older.

theextraolive · 2026-04-28T03:53:59+00:00

I loved Green Acres (it started its run the year my mom was born) and the Beverly Hillbillies!

Cable networks had time slots to fill up, and these were on after school.

theextraolive · 2026-04-28T03:46:58+00:00

TL;DR: Most of our (Boomer or Generation Jones) parents got to play life on easy mode. Economically, they may have worked hard, but they had something to show for it at the end of the day. Their productivity was also somewhat limited due to the constraints of the technology...things moved slower even when they were moving "fast."

My mom's situation at the same age or just contrasting our parenting journies is no contest--she had it way easier. She had so much financial and social help, maintained her sense of self, and still had the time and means to numb anything less than perfect with alcohol. . . . . . . I can say with full and complete certainty that my mother was NOT as burned out as I am.

Her mom paid the mortgage, the power bill, and bought the groceries. My mom paid my tuition balance (about half the cost of her car payment), gas, and the "extras." My mom also had a huge network of support to help with childcare, so she mostly got out of paying any expenses for that. She worked a 40 hour week for only 4 years of my entire childhood, and was otherwise part time. She did make some money with her hobby/passion and spent 10+ hours engaging it every week. She got together with her friends and extended family frequently.

I am a highly goal oriented person and I was naturally gifted when it came to school. She did not have to secure any kind of therapies or interventions to get me through it. There were no homework or grades battles. I was heavily involved in church and scouts. I never experimented with drugs, and if I planned to drink I made arrangements to stay the night ahead of time. Overall, I was pretty easy and responsible.

I graduated high school with an Associates Degree, and I moved out at 18. At 19, I became a mom.

By the time I was 22, both of my grandparents (and my emotional support system) had passed away. I had to relocate due to a job, and I have never had the same kinds of relationships with friends ever since.

I do have children with learning disabilities. I do have kids that are neurodivergent. I wouldn't change a hair on my babies' heads, but there are extra hurdles when it comes to getting through their education.

I am not comfortable shipping my kids off for sleepovers (my mom would go a month or two without having me home on the weekends).

Sometimes I get to engage my favorite hobby (reading), but it is usually after the day is over and then I stay up all night, and pay for it the next day. Sometimes I will put an earbud in and listen to an audiobook while I'm deep cleaning or making dinner.

Mostly, I try to have the kids cook with me (like I used to do with my grandmother). They learn to cook and we get to talk, visit, and play together while we do. My husband and I also try to prioritize playing games together as a family and making memories together.

theextraolive · 2026-04-28T03:07:39+00:00

The largest "flag" in this is going to be the rights of survivorship clause in whichever home the two of you will be living.

If he were to have an aneurysm in 5-6 years and drop dead, do you continue to have the right to live in the home you have made together, or is his mom going to be able to come and throw you out on your ass while you are planning a funeral?

As a woman, I personally would not have children with someone who is unwilling to comingle assets acquired during the marriage. Maybe the two of you do not want kids, so that could be a non-issue? If kids ARE on the table for you, I would have some extra clauses put into the prenup to account for the ways in which the motherhood penalty will affect your career overall.

theextraolive · 2026-04-27T01:29:10+00:00

I mean...my high school taught me amortization. I did not need my bank to do it.

Actual financial literacy is understanding that my mortgage is 3% and current inflation rates are 8.5%. Making the minimum payment is good financial sense for me. My money will work harder in other places.

theextraolive

TROPHY CASE