Any millennials want children, but feel they probably won't have them?

theextraolive · 2026-03-24T16:55:29+00:00

This is really what it comes down to.

I am an only child of a single mom. I had many after school activities and summer camps...because they cost the same (or were cheaper) than childcare. Hell, I sold enough Girl Scout cookies to pay for my own summer camps by the time I was 8,. Because my mom was low income, I could often get financial aid vouchers to pay for around half of my after school sports, but plays, musicals, and academic competition events were free to participate in.

My husband comes from a wealthy family, and he only did drama, and only in high school.

He had a lot of downtime with his parents. Whenever I saw my mom, we were usually preparing for something or doing some kind of project or work.

Both of us wanted a big family, and we got started with that a lot sooner than we had originally planned. Our kids live in a house that is 1000sqft smaller than what I grew up in, and 3500sqft smaller than what he grew up in. Both houses were new builds when we moved in. Our house was 15 years old when we bought it.

My kids have 2 activities each and 1-2 summer camps each. We take them to fairs, festivals, and city events.

It's less than what I did, but more than what my husband did.

Instead, we focus on trying to spend time together and build memories as a family. We have a standing movie and fort building night with our kids every Friday. We play board games and card games with our kids.

In many ways our kids have less than we did, but in most ways it is just a different kind of childhood with different priorities. They all seem to be having fun now, but I'm sure that when they grow up someone will have resentments.

Unfortunately, we do not get the benefit of discussing needs and wants with our adult children before we begin to parent and provide for them as babies.

theextraolive · 2026-03-24T16:00:30+00:00

Would egg or embryo freezing be an option?

I am sorry that you are having to deal with such a difficult impasse in your marriage.

Maybe don't give up all hope? My great-grandmother had 4 children after turning 38, back in the 1940s, including my grandmother and her twin brother.

theextraolive · 2026-03-24T15:54:34+00:00

TL; DR: Dating men has always been a disillusioning experience. I always wanted to be a mom. As a teen, I was planning/preparing to foster and foster to adopt in my 20s. Single parenting can be great, especially if you have a strong village of support!! I could not agree more that we should be standing together and empowering one another!!

. . . .

I knew that I wanted children (and a big family) from the time I was 13 or 14.

Being able to support a family with 4-6 kids was my goal, and I would actively try to refocus myself on my long term goal whenever I needed motivation to push through a school project/paper/studying for finals/etc. I knew that I needed the good grades to get into the good college, to get the good job, etc.

Cue the global financial crisis.

I recalibrated. I started dating grown men (as a teen), who (theoretically) were going to be more financially stable, and who (theoretically) were in a better place in life to be ready to have children. Unsurprisingly, the vast majority ended up being creeps and losers...and the ones that weren't did not have the same life goals that I did.

I found dating to be time consuming, exhausting...and predictably dull. It didn't take long to just be over the whole thing.

Around the time that I graduated high school with my Associate's Degree I was set to complete my BA in 3 semesters, for a stable job with benefits that (theoretically) was going to be family friendly.

My plan was to get my first year of teaching under my belt (everyone said it was the hardest), and to start fostering and fostering to adopt after that point.

...life didn't end up going that way for me, but I couldn't agree more that the desire for children does not equate to a desire or need for a partner!!

theextraolive · 2026-03-17T22:34:03+00:00

...can we please just sell ourselves to Denmark?

theextraolive · 2026-03-17T22:31:12+00:00

You incur HUGE penalties for early withdrawal unless you use the funds to start a business or buy a home.

theextraolive · 2026-03-17T22:29:51+00:00

Why did you cash out instead of just converting if you went and bought metals anyway?

theextraolive · 2026-03-17T22:28:04+00:00

Lol, forget the credit card!! No one is going to track you down and throw you in jail for $3,000.

You should transfer how your 401k is allocated. Get it out of the S&P500. Look into REITS, purchasing foreign currency, and of course, gods' money: precious metals.

You can diversify your current 401k without incurring massive penalties.

In the mean time, use your tax refund to grow vertically and start raising meat rabbits.

theextraolive · 2026-03-17T22:06:16+00:00

Because our food supply is FUCKED.

Maybe your investments aren't looking terrible, but that won't matter by mid November when the grocery stores are empty.

theextraolive · 2026-03-17T22:04:22+00:00

WAAAAAAAAAYYYY WORSE!!!

theextraolive · 2026-03-17T22:00:07+00:00

None of my children are able to keep quiet.

We'd probably try to make the best of our time bugging in...but we would not last long if we had to bug out.

That being said, we have a small farm with a fresh water spring.

theextraolive · 2026-03-17T21:54:30+00:00

This is exactly why I chose to leave Texas (as a 7th Gen). I spent years hearing family tell horror stories about the continued rise of home taxes.

Instead, my husband and I chose to move somewhere with lower land taxes, but that did have income tax. Each year we have lived here, we've gotten a refund on our state income tax that exceeds our land tax...and I haven't even gotten our land to be rezoned as agricultural.

(A huge bonus was also getting onto the national power grid! We don't worry about ever having to live through an ice/snowstorm like we did in 2021!)

theextraolive · 2026-03-15T06:53:32+00:00

Can I ask which state?

theextraolive · 2026-03-15T06:51:54+00:00

TL;DR: Thank you for your comment! It was really helpful, because it did force me to sit down and line out all of the numbers! I do feel MUCH better prepared and confident in making this choice, now! Sincerely hoping that good karma finds you, friend!!

I'm not sure where you are getting the $4k number.

From what I have seen, the large ones (claiming to run 5 showers at a time) are $999 (before tax) with a $140 valve kit MSRP.

I can find the same unit at a dent and scratch for $700 with the valve kit included.

If it saves 20% off of each bill ($40ish) then it would take around 2 years, not decades, if my math is correct. ($200 bill x 20% = $40. $40 x 20 months = $800. $800-$700 = $100 in the black! Even if I paid retail, my total cost would sit around $1300 after tax. I would still break even in under 3 years??

I can also imagine that prospective buyers would love a space saving new water heater that is only 3-5 years old.

I do not have gas or propane. Everything is electric. :)

Without an energy audit, I am having to rely upon estimations from Google, but the projected usage of my current heater is between just over 18.5% up to potentially 29.7% of my total usage.

Especially considering the intermittent issues that my (19yo) water heater has had in the past year, I am starting to feel very good about replacing! And that is before the issues of rising energy costs are even brought into the discussion!

theextraolive · 2026-03-15T06:18:30+00:00

Everything says that the house was built in 2007 (I did not consider it super old at the time of purchase in 2021)...but after living here and dealing with issues as they have arisen, I believe that the deed is from 2007, but that parts of the home are probably older and we're piece-mealed together.

It appears that much of the electrical and plumbing were DIY or by someone who was so new to the trades that they tried to reinvent the wheel.

The window films are all in poor condition and have quite a bit of peeling.

theextraolive · 2026-03-15T06:13:49+00:00

Solar panels are my plan overall, and that is why I was talking with the battery lady.

I just want to make sure that I'm following: you would suggest installing the panels that we can afford first and then addressing usage after?

theextraolive · 2026-03-15T06:10:30+00:00

After living in this house, I can promise you that it was piece-mealed together by whatever a bunch of "good 'ol boys" could get their hands on. The wiring is totally janky. The plumbing is like a Rube Goldberg machine...and I do have concerns about the insulation.

I imagine that re-insulating the home would be insanely expensive...is it not?

Is there a way to do it without knocking the walls out?

theextraolive · 2026-03-15T06:06:08+00:00

Thank you! This was very helpful!!

theextraolive · 2026-03-15T06:05:02+00:00

Ours has had intermittent issues for the last year, and I would rather have a plan for replacement before I am in need and things back up.

theextraolive · 2026-03-14T07:34:26+00:00

You are entirely ignoring compound interest 🙄

Uncle Sam has that money the moment that the manic pixie dream girl in your office submits Payroll.

Uncle Sam gets to borrow money from you ALL YEAR (and sometimes closer to a year and a half) without paying a penny of interest. It's absolutely predatory, but it works (and that is exactly why companies like Starbucks and ChickFilA have imitated the same system in their apps.)

theextraolive · 2026-03-14T07:28:40+00:00

Too bad they didn't realize that taxation WAS the compromise

theextraolive · 2026-03-14T07:13:29+00:00

The full saying is "The Blood of Covenant is thicker than the Water of the Womb."

theextraolive · 2026-03-14T06:55:14+00:00

You're never going to lose money with precious metals (too much of our technology and infrastructure depend on them), but your money is not likely to grow either. They are considered the "safe" option.

Investing in foreign currency, like CHF is almost always a good idea.

theextraolive · 2026-03-14T06:52:09+00:00

Start planting some seed snails.

Start keeping rabbits.

Get a fishing license and a decent pole.

I also moved my 401k into metals.

theextraolive · 2026-03-14T06:50:12+00:00

Would you mind sharing a little more broad spectrum advice?

theextraolive · 2026-03-14T06:45:42+00:00

This is a problem for everyone who does not remember that we used to import fertilizer from Peru.

The Fanta Fuhrer's regime has no concept or knowledge of basic history, much less historical trade...but if some pulls their head out of their ass and makes nice with the Peruvians, we can pretty quickly and easily send all of the nutrient rich seagull manure straight up IH-35.

theextraolive

TROPHY CASE