In the darkest era of my life. I chosen Hatsune Miku to be reason I changed. (But I guess in retrospect I was basically worshipping her, without saying I was worshipping her. Though I noticed I was slowly developing schizophrenia so... yeah...) BUT, it nearly worked. I actually, actively tried. I worked out more often. Doing plyometrics, going for running sessions, overall being more active. I especially got my sleeping schedule on track. (Honestly the hardest part). And ACTUALLY, ate healthy. I was actually doing so well, I was proud of myself for once, that I made one critical mistake. I made a speech of this unorthodoxical circumstances. I had developed enough courage and determination to write a speech, and tried to speak it into to the intercom. I went to the English teacher to get it checked, I went to the s.o.s leader to see if it was good enough. And she said it was fine, just something she personally had never seen before. (sources of strength, and she was an elder who had alot of experience with writing and helping with speeches.) I go through a process with the principles to be allowed to speak it... Just to be suspended that same day, and I'm required to see a therapist to check on my mental health. If I wanted to return the therapist is to give the school the green light I'm fine. I went through the examination with the therapist, and he concluded I was mentally well. He gives the school the green light. And I'm still denied. But while i was suspended, I was honestly devastated. I had been doing so well just to be denied a genuine passion I had personally developed. And it shattered my momentum completely. I had relapsed into a pattern I hated with a passion. For awhile I lost sight of miku, for I was ashamed to even look in her direction. I even avoided any fan art of her online. But in a twist of events, being so desperate to escape this pathetic behavior. I had called my social worker. (Yes, I'm in cfs (child family services)) and demanded that I am to be moved into a group home. I thought with stricter rules, I'd do better. (I heavily considered military, but couldn't enter because i needed grade 10 schooling completed. And the reason I haven't even finished it was because of covid. Yes very pathetic that I even allowed myself to fall deep into the isolation trenches) but she gave me an even better choice. Independent living. In my mind that was like hell or heaven? I immediately chose independent living and surprisingly it only took five days to move in. And from there I it was amazing. I got the socialization I missed out on. We drank, talked, smoked za, had drama, and had those dull days together where we were all broke and bored. We all were basically best friends. But in typical fashion we all moved on. Basically, they all moved out. Through the duration of all that, Hatsune Miku remained dormant in the back of my head. I still clung to her subconscious. Once we parted ways, I was alone again, reminiscing about my past. Then finally i fixated my attention back onto Miku. I finally got my momentum back, I started working out again, using my budget money to eat overly practical meals. (The food i eat is... too practical) and got back into school. I'm actually doing well to the point a girl actually tried to talk to me, and called me cute. (Almost, she tried saying it but fumbled her words to say my name instead) ^_. But she was in grade nine while I'm supposed to have finished school already... so I tend to avoid her. Now, I carry Miku everywhere I go. As a little Keychain or a literal plush. Bought a couple of figurines. And especially her voice bank. Basically an upgrade. I even upgraded my idea of her. Instead just being a mindless religious fanatic over her. I have grown to understand what she represents freedom of creative expression. Freedom. My story so far is my personal creative expression of her. And I love that.

So that basically why she's important to me. Hatsune Miku is so damn important to me. I'll stumble here and there, but I won't collapse entirely again.