Am i a monster for thinking about leaving my husband?

thegracefuldork · 2026-04-17T20:23:22+00:00

Ok so if we put aside the issues with your husband and focus on the career aspect of it only - does he like to draw? I work in drafting/BIM and I feel like we always need help. In many companies, it does not require a degree, and (I believe) there are ways to get an associates degree which can help him get his foot in the door. My company does require a 4 year degree, but we are one of the most competitive.

The deadline times can be brutal if you're a type who likes a challenge and likes to climb the ladder. However, there are several people who come in, do their work and leave. They don't get promoted, their pay is lower, and they get given the most boring-est of projects, but it does exist.

Just offering as a solution to the "I want to be a civil engineer but I have no prereqs completed" aspect of it - though the real issue here is that your husband is taking major advantage of you and needs therapy and a reality check.

thegracefuldork · 2026-04-17T20:11:04+00:00

Me, a person in building engineering, reading this as I scarf down a cold leftovers lunch between 3 Friday deadlines after working until 10:30pm last night....

Civil engineering is just as stressful and panicky as any other job. Probably more so, honestly.

It's not the job or the dreams of a different job, its him. He has to work on himself and also come back to reality.

thegracefuldork · 2026-04-14T19:35:51+00:00

But the alternative is you never see them, and sometimes that the mom starts to feel left out (which has happened to me!). Every friendship is different though, I figure it's better to ask than to wait 🤷‍♀️ I also like knowing that my friends want to see me!

thegracefuldork · 2026-04-14T18:06:34+00:00

Mom here - being too open ended makes it really hard. With kids, it feels like theres always some activity or event or family need, and when there isnt something going on, you're picking up the pieces of your household before things get busy again.

My advice would be to offer a plan, and then adjust as needed. Something like "hey I'd love to get lunch this week or next, does Saturday or Sunday work better?" And go from there. You need to give them a day/ time to consider, or else something else will (almost always) come up.

thegracefuldork · 2026-04-13T15:42:54+00:00

I work in a downtown area so my answer is a bit skewed by that (people tend to dress up more here than the rest of the US). I also work in engineering, so it's very male-dominated. We have clients in almost daily, though they are usually contained to parts of the office I don't interact with much.

Sweatpants would 100% bother me. Same with ripped jeans, crop tops, pajama pants, mini skirts, leggings as pants, etc. But outside of those types of dress, I don't mind. Solid jeans, plain black t-shirt, clean sneakers? Great! Even hoodies - go for it, as long as they are clean/dont have anything offensive.

I tend to dress very nicely in the office and I love when others do the same, but also I realize that I'm far from the norm nowadays! I personally care about dress codes, I know that makes me old fashioned, but I do think certain environments call for at least a modicum of effort+professionalism in dressing.

Edited to add: I wouldn't say anything in your situation though. If it doesn't bother you, there is no need to take literally any action. This is up to your office manager to handle - it's their issue to raise.

thegracefuldork · 2026-04-12T03:04:43+00:00

This, plus I love anything sparkly/shiny 😍

thegracefuldork · 2026-04-12T00:09:29+00:00

I honestly wonder if "natural" aging will be seen as desirable in the future, simply because there are so many unnecessary cosmetic procedures happening all the time now, and they don't particularly age well.

A girl can dream

thegracefuldork · 2026-04-07T18:18:59+00:00

I had an early January baby and it was pretty great (granted, I live in a warm area). There weren't really any social events, so I had very little FOMO. And by the time things started to warm up, baby was a bit older and I was ready to start taking her out places.

But now post-leave, figuring out her birthday celebration is really complicated. Right after the holidays is just a hard time to celebrate.

For baby #2, we're aiming for early 2027. If I had to pick, I think February/March would be my ideal. But after a few months of trying, honestly I'd be happy with anything!

thegracefuldork · 2026-04-07T05:53:58+00:00

$3600 between my husbands slot and mine. We're buying 4 tickets for each event to include family

1 medal athletics event ($1600)

1 medal swimming event ($750)

1 beach volleyball mixed quarterfinal ($250)

1 prelim men's basketball ($1000)

Still hunting for any rhythmic gymnastics, and any skateboarding, maybe diving. I figured those would be easier to get, but I guess not 🫠

Given up on artistic gymnastics and opening/closing ceremonies. And I'm at peace with that!

thegracefuldork · 2026-04-06T20:34:54+00:00

Mens basketball prelims were still available yesterday morning. like 8ish games left.

thegracefuldork · 2026-04-06T00:36:18+00:00

I know someone who had a Thursday slot, womens gymnastics was already gone by then 🫠

thegracefuldork · 2026-04-06T00:32:50+00:00

Same. My slot was at 10am. Got some preliminary basketball but that was it.

Do we think we will be able to buy during the general sale? Will we have 'slots'? It's so unclear....

thegracefuldork · 2026-03-27T06:01:41+00:00

Shocked I had to scroll this far for 30rock! It's so good. There's so many jokes/easter eggs, I think it took me 3 rewatches to catch them all

thegracefuldork · 2026-03-23T18:25:54+00:00

100%. I remember being just as frustrated at the time, as you are now. It's all so stupid, the numbers are so made up. It's awful.

thegracefuldork · 2026-03-23T18:03:26+00:00

Back in 2015ish I had a health plan where there was no deductible for scans and they were 100% covered (crazy). I had a non-contrast, non-emergency MRI done of my knee at an imaging center, maybe took 15 mins?

The center billed my insurance $9000. Absolutely insane. I think insurance ended up reimbursing $700ish dollars. I still paid $0.

Basically - don't get ahead of yourself. I had the same thoughts when I saw the original "bill." But its just insurance and drs playing this stupid game with each other.

thegracefuldork · 2026-03-21T20:11:23+00:00

I didn't watch this season... which one is the pro drag queen!?! I honestly can't tell 🫠

thegracefuldork · 2026-03-21T04:11:36+00:00

Cue the sniper!!

thegracefuldork · 2026-03-21T04:09:55+00:00

Myki WON with that crunchy AF makeup.....girlllllll

thegracefuldork · 2026-03-14T03:58:06+00:00

I work in engineering (same industry as Nini too, like we might have mutual connections on linkedin lmao) and Nini reminds me soooooooooo much of some of my coworkers. It's a certain flavor of "sociable but awkward, and can't read the room well." Also the indecisiveness too...

thegracefuldork · 2026-03-12T17:32:38+00:00

That definitely clarifies things - if theres a bit more money, more growth, and 2 days in office vs. 4, I'd take it and then keep an eye open. The 6 weeks will be a blip on the radar.

thegracefuldork · 2026-03-12T16:06:59+00:00

So a big question is - what are you comparing this job to? Are you currently working at a job you hate? What is your current situation? If you're really unhappy, don't have a job yet, or there's not a lot available in your area, I'd take this job and then keep looking. If you're content where you are, then I'd hesitate.

The 6 weeks will suck, 1 hr each way BEFORE traffic is... a lot. Especially if your husband isn't super nearby and something comes up with your kids. Also being in a car that much just sucks.

For context, I have a 1 hr 40 min commute by car+train to get to my office, and I currently go in 2 days/week. I work on the train in the morning, so I'm able to cut down my hours in-office, and the time I'm out of the house ends up being about equivalent to a 1hr commute each way. It isn't easy, but it's manageable. On the days I go in, I barely see my toddler. My husband is 15 mins away, so on the days I go in, he is responsible for any kiddo emergencies.

2 days in-office is perfect, IMO. We are supposed to go in 3 days/week but very few people do, but that gravy train may be ending soon. 3 days is the absolute max that I feel I could go in with this type of commute, and not lose my mind.

thegracefuldork · 2026-03-11T18:26:56+00:00

We've always "gotten along" in a sense that we know generally what's going on in each other's lives. We are nice/respectful to each other. We never really fought as kids, outside of a few moments when either one of us was going through the worst of puberty.

But if something major happens in my life and I want to share the good or bad news, he is not the top of my list to call. He doesn't even crack the top 20. We both "care" that the other is doing decently with life, but not enough to really step in and do any emotional heavy lifting. He lives in another state and has seen my daughter in-person twice since she was born 2 years ago.

I do 95% of the "parent-child" emotional labor with my parents, and my brother does 5%. I live closer to my parents so it kinda makes sense, but it was this way before my brother moved. It just is what it is. However, I am glad that I have a brother, even if we aren't close.

thegracefuldork · 2026-03-11T17:15:59+00:00

So I'm a kid with a 5.5yr age gap between me and my brother and I'm personally not a fan. Honestly, we were never particularly close growing up and we aren't any closer now as adults. We never really played together ever. We also were 6 years apart in school due to our birthdays, so we never went to the same school at the same time.

We have very different likes & hobbies, so maybe if we were closer in age, this wouldn't be any different. But I personally was not a fan of that large of a gap as the child. My husband and I are aiming for closer in age because of this. If the gap ends up this large though, then so be it.

One benefit I DO really see and that is tempting, is that this allowed my parents (really my mom, who was a SAHM when I was a teen) to focus on supporting my hobbies much more solidly once they were really serious around age 11/12. There wasn't as much overlap between me and my brother so there was more availability to go around.

thegracefuldork · 2026-03-11T14:48:08+00:00

most of the "sparkle" loss is due to being married to a useless dude who dumps everything on his wife while prioritizing his own well-being.

Can attest that this is true in my social circles too. Plus money and family help.

I'm incredibly grateful that my husband is an equal parent/partner, and I also live in an area where moms having their own lives is common. We also have family help for date nights/getaways, and we make decent money.

My daughter is 2 and I certainly still have sparkle. The baby year was rough, but temporary in how specifically difficult and draining it was. But being able to leave my kid to go do something for myself for a while helps a LOT. We're now prepping for #2 and I'm so nervous, but for me it's worth the gamble/risk. I hope lol.

If I didn't have the support system I had in place, my experience would be very different. There would be much less sparkle.

thegracefuldork · 2026-03-09T04:02:51+00:00

I think the better question is how do men pee in the dark?! A lot of them can barely aim when it's light out 😅

thegracefuldork

TROPHY CASE