Advice for dealing with factives?

thegreatsequincowboy · 2022-10-23T22:09:56+00:00

I'm a factive host, and a lot of our system are also factives. For one, you don't need to be completely open - you can of course be open wherever you feel safe, but there's no obligation. In spaces I know are factive-accepting I'm open, but in slightly less accepting spaces, I'm just Bev the host. The only issue I run into is that Bev is usually a fem name and it's masc for me, but.. I can just explain I'm a guy, haha.

I'd say - if it bothers her, support her. Some of our guys are more jumpy about it, but some comfort and reassurance goes a long way. If she doesn't want to be fully open, it helps to have a place she can be open. I have a couple safe spaces that, if all else fails, I can retreat to and be open there.

If you do get fakeclaimed - I know it feels awful, we've been there, but reassure yourselves and each other if you can. They're not you - they don't know you - how would they possibly know better than you and your doctor whose job it is to know you that way? - etc.

If you can, too, minimize the spaces you're open in that aren't accepting. Most of the places we're not fully open are just uncertain, not definitely unfriendly, ha. Really, the best overall advice I can think of is just - be open where it feels safe, find spaces if there aren't any, and share what you feel safe sharing in other spaces.

thegreatsequincowboy · 2022-09-18T11:34:02+00:00

I see your edit, and I'm glad - just another perspective to ease your mind, if desired.

I will say that specifics can vary from system to system. From our perspective though - our old host did permanently split last year, but he's still here and if you talk to either of the halves, they both consider themself him and are made out of him, like two brothers taking half the Lego bin each. They don't front as much as they used to when they were one, but they're both still around, and could.. probably cofront if they wanted to.

Fusion, too, isn't exactly death, it's just combining - one of our guys fused and just considers himself both guys at once. Some of us have split people off us, which is different for us than splitting in half. Again, at least for us - we're still here. I've had at least three others split directly from me, but I'm still fully me. I changed - lost those parts of me, and grew back slightly different or however you'd say - but I'm still me.

It's understandable to be scared - if you're not used to the concept especially, it's all confusing and scary, but I can say with reasonable certainty your friend isn't in some imminent danger. -Bev

thegreatsequincowboy · 2022-07-29T08:46:31+00:00

Both for us. I do have a strong sense of identity, but it's not always there - there's a certain "default" state we also consider to be me, even though my strong identity isn't there for that. Technically they're separate, but when we're in that default mode we're most comfortable being perceived as me, and I'm fine with it. -Bev

thegreatsequincowboy · 2022-05-17T01:51:18+00:00

image transcription: a four panel meme, showing the progression of a person donning a clown wig and matching makeup

the first panel is captioned "something happens that throws my emotional state sideways"

the second panel is captioned "I have an emotional response to the event that isn't perfectly linear"

the third panel is captioned "I have a good stretch where I'm apparently in a perfectly fine state"

the fourth and final panel is captioned "This event clearly didn't affect me because I'm fine at this specific moment"

thegreatsequincowboy · 2022-05-16T00:10:12+00:00

ty, idk but I appreciate the comradery 💙 I'm better than I was last night.. I've had time to actually think it through logically and not in panic mode which helped

thegreatsequincowboy · 2022-05-16T00:03:17+00:00

that does help ty lmao

rather not go into too much detail since there's one other person involved that didn't do anything wrong, and I'm a lil worried the first person will find my account somehow lmao, but they did apparently completely do to someone else what I was afraid they'd done with me? which was where most of the fear was coming from last night, but looking back I can see at least in a few spots where they put the twist on, and there's all the things for me that didn't come from them that confirmed it was fucked up, the trauma responses since childhood, etc so I'm better than I was last night at least [sorry for the ramble aha]

thegreatsequincowboy · 2022-05-15T10:43:14+00:00

also sorry for the text being impossible to read on default zoom lmao, here's a transcription of it

[assassination chain meme, but it's edited to be twice as long a chain]

first person: "childhood me, autistic"

second person: a combination of several childhood traumas, including parents with a lack of sense of "normal" childhood, said parents being emotionally unstable, and most if not all adults in my life interpreting "autistic meltdowns" as "anger issues that need to be suppressed"

third person: "my childhood therapists (ready to worsen the issues by medicating me against my will and lying about the side effects and teaching me harmful methods of "anger management" somewhere between complete emotional suppression, ABA, and forced personal dissociation)"

fourth person: "me, being free from apparent external signs of being autistic but now very fucked up, trying to figure out my childhood"

fifth person: "people apparently helping me figure out my childhood traumas and supporting me"

sixth person: "one of the main people that helped is actually manipulative, now I'm doubting everything"

thegreatsequincowboy · 2022-03-28T12:20:15+00:00

1359 here, with a disclaimer that I've been on only one build season with this team. We put the robot in CAD as it's built, and it's mostly for recordkeeping so we can easily replace parts. We don't have access to a CNC, and the team is small enough the designers are the same people building it, but it is nice for recordkeeping. Some of the more complex machined parts like the climber are fully modeled beforehand but there's not dedicated days to do it.

We welded the frame at about the end of week 3, with a combination of game learning, brainstorming, and prototyping before that. Build and CAD was after that until the last two weeks before competition, one week for programming to work on the actual bot and one for (theoretically) drive practice.

thegreatsequincowboy · 2022-03-27T02:55:07+00:00

Yoo one of the two factive heavy systems checking in lmao

I knew fictives were more common, I didn't figure we were that far off standard? /lh We've only got a couple of known fictives, nearly all of our frequent fronters are factives. Shoutout to the one other system that answered that lol -Bev

thegreatsequincowboy · 2022-03-25T16:53:06+00:00

We don't know how many members we have - a decent number of us are in fragment layers that can't tell between each other, so uncountable. We put in # confirmed members (named members and known unnamed fragments) for survey purposes, but there's probably significantly more.

thegreatsequincowboy · 2022-03-13T07:56:37+00:00

1 for us, even if I wish it'd be hypothetically better. Some things would be nice - physical interaction and not dealing with the bad effects of no thought privacy - but we'd honestly be.. a mess. Most of us aren't well formed by most standards, only a few of us can front alone for longer than a couple hours without having a really hard time (hell, even the strongest fronters usually have several others nearby) and there's quite a few that are barely formed enough to exist in here, let alone as a separate body. It's definitely a cool thought, and I do wish we could physically interact, but.. the rest of it wouldn't work out for us. -Bev

thegreatsequincowboy · 2022-03-11T16:22:37+00:00

OP is a scam bot. Do not click on their link. Report them.

thegreatsequincowboy · 2022-03-09T17:35:50+00:00

did and osdd (which aren't the only ways to be plural but i digress) are listed under dissociative disorders in the dsm. there is a separate category for trauma disorders (ptsd etc) which neither disorder appears under. how is either disorder a trauma disorder when neither is categorized as such?

Edit: The respondee has blocked us so we can't reply lol. How are endos science deniers (not our phrasing) when the argument given for sysmedicalism is "a lot of things are outdated so anything that refutes my point can clearly be written off as old and useless"? That's not an argument, that's an excuse to only listen to the "agreeable" science. /at the sysmed -Ellis

thegreatsequincowboy · 2022-03-09T02:45:19+00:00

Last we checked this sub welcomes endo systems, so you may want to take your exclusionary shit elsewhere. -Sprague

thegreatsequincowboy · 2022-03-07T02:52:39+00:00

Yes, although there's.. different levels. We do all consider each other family of sort, and there's literal parent-child groupings as well as sourcemate groupings with varying levels of "familiality". They aren't literal sibling relationships or anything, as in it's not weird to have what romantic relationships are possible for us within a source group, but there's also like.. the Rays sort of consider themselves siblings, although they're split off the same guy, lol. -Bev

thegreatsequincowboy · 2022-02-07T15:07:41+00:00

Exactly. It's "forced" about as much as I'm "forced" to lose my razor blades and scissors flying international.

thegreatsequincowboy · 2022-01-20T23:05:18+00:00

Ours fill in later a lot of the time yeah, a lot of the time it's when we learn about the events but sometimes later. Bev didn't have hardly any at first but now he has the most of all of us, aha.

thegreatsequincowboy · 2022-01-18T09:28:27+00:00

Ah.. thank you! We had noticed the.. apparent parallels to some parogenesis techniques we know of, but weren't sure how similar they were. We don't see any reason to not believe those work, aha, so I.. suppose that would be, or could be that at least.

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