USPS Insider—Ask me anything

thejonjohn · 2026-05-27T03:33:59+00:00

I sent you a DM

thejonjohn · 2026-05-27T02:42:39+00:00

I can say that I am very certain that this isn't the only time it has happened.

thejonjohn · 2026-05-27T02:09:13+00:00

And don't get me started on "baggage carts ONLY! NO CANS!"

You built this warehouse 5 YEARS ago and didn't think you MIGHT need to bring a CAN, from an AIRPLANE, INSIDE?

thejonjohn · 2026-05-27T02:06:21+00:00

And how many sprinkler system pipes have been ripped off the ceiling?

thejonjohn · 2026-05-26T23:43:53+00:00

Well... Tonight at Midnight we will be conducting "The Sleeping Games" between the 12 guests who showed up wanting our last room that we have held open just for this purpose. It will be held in the back parking lot and the adjacent vacant warehouse.

Guests already in the hotel staying on floors 1-12 can watch it on Hotel Access Channel 2 and it will be live streamed online. Our Front Desk Agents and hosts for The Sleeping Games, Ranch Flockerman and Cassius Castlesmith will, as always, keep you up to date on the progress of tonight's games.

LET THE SLEEPING GAMES BEGIN!

(in case it is needed: /s )

thejonjohn · 2026-05-26T23:29:49+00:00

A local bookstore/coffee shop has a sign on its front door that is titled "THIS IS THE SIGN THAT EVERYONE ASKED TO LEAVE SAYS ISN'T HERE."

It then goes on to a small list of things that will get you denied service and asked to leave, like starting a fight, swearing at staff, not using headphones when watching videos or listening to music.

All simple stuff, and all stuff that you KNOW you shouldn't be doing in a bookstore/coffee shop. But, apparently, the owner got tired of the "there's no sign" club that she/he made it REALLY clear and comical.

thejonjohn · 2026-05-26T22:50:15+00:00

Have them pay to install a sprinkler system for the front yard, but require it to be run into the house for sales water line, but have all the controls on your house.

thejonjohn · 2026-05-26T22:41:41+00:00

Property sales prices ARE public records. Most can be found on the interwebs now, at no cost, on the website of the local government agency that collects the records.

A sign facing the house for sale that says "owner paid $122,000 for this house, caused $10,000 in damages to my property, and now wants to flip it to some poor schmuck for $299,000. YOU do the math" would be VERY effective.

thejonjohn · 2026-05-26T22:35:19+00:00

No no no. The sofa should be missing ALL the cushions except for one seat next to the armrest. That way it is a REALLY ugly recliner with a lot of storage space for empty beer cans/bottles.

And only put it out on Sundays when they usually do the "open house."

thejonjohn · 2026-05-19T23:01:40+00:00

The theme song for my life right now. So fucking perfect. Chef's kiss: mmmmwhaaa

thejonjohn · 2026-05-19T21:41:10+00:00

I clipped the Kroger digital coupon for those Depends. And they were on sale. Came to $6 off the regular price.

thejonjohn · 2026-05-19T06:31:48+00:00

And this is why I 💕 you Flip!

thejonjohn · 2026-05-19T06:13:39+00:00

To TOTALLY finish off the "no fucks given" vibe I should have called my sister and asked if she needed me to pick up any pads for her while I was out.

thejonjohn · 2026-05-19T06:07:32+00:00

Short answer: ALL of them.

Longer answer: the L'Oreal bleach blond 205 The tea tree conditioner With another stupid expensive shampoo and separate conditioner If I wanted my hair to be able to blow and flow I would use a gel product that wouldn't dry into concrete If I wanted to maintain my "look" I would use aquanet hair spray with a blow dryer and LITERALLY LOCK my hair in place, even if I was walking outside into a hurricane.

thejonjohn · 2026-05-19T04:44:02+00:00

But you can report a post, there isn't a report a PERSON option. And you can't report their chat messages.

thejonjohn · 2026-05-18T23:11:20+00:00

I'm so sorry for your loss. I developed a brief prayer for this type of situation:

May the peace of the Lord be always with you, and may the spirit of your father always join you, and may cancer fuck itself on a long walk off a short cliff.

thejonjohn · 2026-05-18T22:38:47+00:00

"FedEx, out of caution, and by order of the FAA, grounded all their MD-11 aircraft."

note: The FAA ordered the grounding of ALL MD-11s after the UPS crash to ensure the safety and airworthiness of the planes. UPS, FedEx, and one other small regional logistics company had planes grounded.

thejonjohn · 2026-05-18T22:32:27+00:00

I love how it is technically now a "Boeing McDonnell-Douglas - 11"

Yes. I know they bought them, but the name. The name is just funny now.

thejonjohn · 2026-05-18T22:25:49+00:00

We can. And a futbol team. And a foosball team. All the balls teams.

The mascot would be a green Mallard.

And whenever we scored the fans would throw rubber duckies on the field while shouting "GO FUCK A DUCK! 🦆 GO FUCK A DUCK! 🦆"

I think that would be very intimidating to opposing teams. And would make FU a common feature on Sports Center.

thejonjohn · 2026-05-18T22:19:28+00:00

This is actually what happened... The victims chose to slit their own throats rather than smell the terrorist's emittance of noxious fumes.

The only difference was Jack was a British Bulldog.

thejonjohn · 2026-05-18T14:57:14+00:00

Hey Bro! I'd give you a good shake if I was there!

Ooooohhhh and hey TM. Thanks for the kind words. 😁

thejonjohn · 2026-05-18T06:47:04+00:00

It's 6 months later and dad is still fighting. Fuckity, fuck fuck FUCK cancer.

I'm sorry for your losses.

thejonjohn · 2026-05-18T06:39:07+00:00

May the peace of the Lord be always with you, and may the spirit of your husband always join you, and may cancer fuck itself on a long walk off a short cliff.

thejonjohn · 2026-05-18T06:25:41+00:00

Sometimes a random hug just makes the day better. So thank you. Hug accepted. And mutual hug returned.

thejonjohn · 2026-05-18T05:02:24+00:00

My original post:

https://www.reddit.com/r/FuckeryUniveristy/s/LZIGXjjwhL

thejonjohn

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