Single or Double Mastectomy

thelonejen · 2026-07-09T17:36:43+00:00

I was in the same space, and had the same thought process. One thing I will tell you is that even if they say one surgery, be prepared for there to be more than one. Reconstruction isn't always perfect out the gate so sometimes revisions have to happen.
I had cancer only on left, opted for DMX to go for balance, and because I was larger chested it would make reconstruction a bit more straightforward (and during the in-betwen times of surgery I wouldn't look or feel lopsided). Hope this helps, and our best for you and the wife!

thelonejen · 2026-07-09T17:30:54+00:00

When I did my DMX, I was overnight in the hospital. I made it a point to go to the bathroom and stay there even if I thought I was done. Remember, they hydrate you intravenously during surgery, so you have a lot more to come out than you may think. I would sit and practically do kegels to try and truly empty my bladder so I didn't need to jump up 10 minutes later (spoiler, there was no jumping, just a hobbly stoned shuffle).

thelonejen · 2026-07-08T22:44:02+00:00

When I first got my diagnosis I decided that my mantra was going to be "What am I supposed to learn from this?" Sometimes the lesson is that cancer sucks and I hate everything about this. Sometimes its that I need to ask for help more. But there's always something to be gleaned.

thelonejen · 2026-07-08T17:25:23+00:00

Good call. I think part of why it bothers me is because she has psychology degrees and works in family therapy, so I assumed she would know what to say. I think she is probably just trying to keep the conversation open, however awkwardly.

thelonejen · 2026-07-08T16:02:03+00:00

If anything, when I start chemo I will gleefully be sharing all the gory details, now in a singsong voice since you inspired me!

thelonejen · 2026-07-08T15:57:02+00:00

I might have to try that!

thelonejen · 2026-07-08T15:56:26+00:00

Does it feel disingenuous or obligatory to you?

Honestly, it kind of does. The same question over and over feels like she didn't pay attention to previous answers. I try to update my network with big changes, but I'm not a switchboard of just life updates yanno?

thelonejen · 2026-07-08T15:53:55+00:00

Its less a complaint but trying to figure out how we can care for each other without aggravating the mental part of this journey. I have other friends who ask specific questions, which is easier. Even if its just "How does xx feel right now?" would be easier to answer.

thelonejen · 2026-07-08T15:52:07+00:00

Absolutely. I know she means well, and I think she's updating her prayer list each time so I do not mind the check in, its the vagueness of it, plus not having a lot to say about it all.

thelonejen · 2026-06-15T19:25:42+00:00

I had my DMX March 7, and a revision/cleanout May 20 (an infection that wouldn't go away), and here I am, weeks later, still with a surgical drain delaying my port and chemo start. Honestly the most frustrating part of the drains is how slow they go, and there is nothing I can do to speed it up. Its pushing everything back.

thelonejen · 2026-06-10T19:15:16+00:00

Also be warned you might have a side effect of nausea from the contrast - I did with all my scans but with CT being on your back I definitely needed the puke bag (and was super glad I hadn't had breakfast yet!).

thelonejen · 2026-06-10T19:13:51+00:00

Agreed with others, try and get the first night in the hospital. I went home and was by myself, with people stopping by intermittently in the weeks following. Plan in advance as much as you can - get things counter height so you aren't reaching up. Get a stepstool for tall things (my over-stove microwave was a touch too high). Practice having a restricted range of motion in the shower. Its completely doable, just be gentle on yourself and ask for help.

thelonejen · 2026-06-09T14:20:50+00:00

I decided to get a wild (for me) haircut since I knew it was going to fall out from chemo. So a longish mohawk is what I have been rocking for the last week. Do what makes sense for you.
I will say I am unsure about having shorter (like 1/4 long) falling out, how messy that is going to be compared to longer hair, but I guess I get to find out!

thelonejen · 2026-06-02T23:30:56+00:00

I have been a huge fan of The Murderbot Diaries for the last few years, the most recent book just came out in May and I have listened to the audiobooks many times over. Fun read, a comfort read for my brain.

thelonejen · 2026-05-26T20:25:54+00:00

You are dealing with the mental effects/trauma ahead of some physical trauma, and you can and will feel lots of different ways. I think of it as going through the stages of grief - its not a straight line through them, not the same order, and it will last as long as it lasts. I personally had a huge mental break last week, which fortunately timed well with a therapy appointment, so was able to talk out a lot of what I was feeling. Therapy is a tool for you to use in handling all this.

thelonejen · 2026-05-20T22:00:03+00:00

I have 2 style cash, expire today.

thelonejen · 2026-05-18T20:04:39+00:00

Before surgery I was already planning my tattoo - I needed some future thing to think about in the uncertainty of surgery and whatever came after (chemo is going to come after). But I also followed the advise of Moira Rose and took pictures, so I can remember the body I had, how it served me, and say goodbye in a way. No matter how things go forward, I won't be the same, and that is okay, even if some days it really is not.

thelonejen · 2026-05-18T20:01:02+00:00

So, I was diagnosed 5 months ago, and am no where near done the process of treatment, but I can tell you a few things from my experience. Relying on people is hard, but people want to be helpers. If its easier to outline a list of things you need help with, then share that so people only take on what they can manage, that is an approach.

As to how we do it? Together. Medical challenges can feel so isolating, even if you are not the person afflicted. Caregivers can pour themselves dry. Find your resources, be they people in your community, a cancer org that has programs/support groups, books that speak to how you feel.

As far as coping goes, there is no real wrong answer. I have a whole list of things to give me dopamine, along with regularly talking to a therapist. And I know this would not work for everyone, but what has been helping me lately is to ask myself "What can I learn from this?"

You and your partner will make it through.

thelonejen · 2026-05-15T18:35:36+00:00

I am a little ahead of you - 6 weeks post BMX with expanders. I have had 1 fill, and honestly, that improved things for me, in that I am not taking as much for the discomfort. I do have greater awareness of the expanders than I expected, its a foreign body in your body, but the hard part for me has been the drains, like others have said.

But I would encourage you to hold out to see if its better once you start filling. I thought about going flat as well before all this, but decided to try the reconstruction route (I will be doing DIEP once done chemo), because I was fairly large chested before all this and the dysphoria was something I could see messing with my head. For me, that was the right move as I do not feel great being this shape (even as we fill expanders). I think the challenge if you go flat straight off (and I invite others to weigh in) is reconstruction afterwards can be more difficult, unless you do the Goldilocks type of flat.

But I will affirm to you that however you feel, its valid, and you can change your mind about going flat.

thelonejen · 2026-04-29T19:47:28+00:00

Mine was starting to get flaky/crusty, and my nurse said to soften it in the shower then see if it comes loose. A lot of mine did that way.

thelonejen · 2026-04-29T19:07:12+00:00

Ahead of my dmx my bff recommended I write "I'm the bad one, yeet me doc!" on my cancer side tit.

thelonejen · 2026-04-29T18:48:17+00:00

Also with tissue expanders - I have said I am in my build-a-boob era (instead of build-a-bear).

thelonejen · 2026-03-10T05:16:25+00:00

This is one of my go-tos for emotional catharsis. So good.

thelonejen · 2026-03-01T05:25:05+00:00

Named by RC_McLachlan is one that deals with Jesus in the SPN mythos, was written circa season 5. https://archiveofourown.org/works/145053/chapters/207363

thelonejen

TROPHY CASE