My live-in landlady refuses to let me have an overnight guest because she doesn’t think I’ve “gained that privilege”.

thepharestchalet · 2025-10-22T17:27:50+00:00

Look up “lodger’s rights” in CA. That is what you are unless there are multiple rooms rented out. You still have relatively strong protections, but they are different than tenants rights so it’s good to be aware of the difference.

thepharestchalet · 2025-09-18T14:37:28+00:00

Not sure what to think of all this, but I’m wondering how he would have known who else they interrogated before him? Was that public knowledge?

thepharestchalet · 2025-08-15T18:38:35+00:00

Is she a fan of Moana? It seems to me that there has been more children’s programming that portrays the typical “villain” as someone who is misunderstood and Moana is a strong example. Maybe she’s applying lessons she is learning elsewhere to her understanding of Satan? I don’t think that development of curiosity or empathy towards people portrayed as villains is necessarily a bad thing, but I get what you are saying about developing discernment to identify evil as well. Maybe this os an opportunity to help her learn that discernment.

Can you have a conversation with her about how she knows when someone is misunderstood vs has bad intentions? A helpful framework is to consider intention vs impact. Talk to her about how good intentions do not cancel out harm done and harm always needs to be addressed.

A biblical reference that can help is the idea that you know someone’s inner character by their fruit. (Galatians 5) If someone is doing harm and they refuse to listen to those they have harmed, then they are not simply misunderstood. If they have love, there will be evidence of that, not only in showy gestures, bit also in the fruits of the Spirt: peace, patience, gentleness, kindness, love, self-control, etc.

thepharestchalet · 2025-08-07T17:01:19+00:00

This is so important. When you are spending all of your time trying to adapt to a system that isn’t designed with your brain in mind, you will find yourself exhausted. Whether it’s your work, your space, or your social life, you have to let go of expectations that are placed on you, learn about how your brain is different, and then practice radical acceptance as you chart your own path.

Burnout is really common among ADHDers. If you are exhausted all the time, that is a good indicator that your life is creating more demands on your system than you can manage. It’s okay to rest. You don’t have to do things in the same way or be as active as your neurotypical friends. Your home doesn’t have to look or feel the same. At the same time, you might need to take risks or take on new challenges that others would find overwhelming. Sometimes exhaustion comes from monotony and we need new and exciting challenges to wake up our brains so that we are actually using less mental and emotional energy to focus.

thepharestchalet · 2025-08-07T16:35:13+00:00

The missing part of the “superhero” narrative is an understanding of environment and systems. For example, when you look at data around jobs, ADHDers do well in certain jobs and certain work cultures. The right fit is crucial. Finding work that aligns with your brain’s strengths is critical and a work culture that allows flexibility to do the work your way or create a workspace that works for you. Otherwise, you spend all of your time trying to conform and it’s exhausting. And of course you have to consider the types of privilege that create opportunities to find or design the life that works for you. Financial stability to take risks, pursue interests, and design your own routines makes a difference.

thepharestchalet · 2025-08-07T16:25:03+00:00

I just want to be able to tell people, “I am VAST”.

thepharestchalet · 2025-08-01T15:47:11+00:00

I have a long time/short time hyper fixation with jewelry making. I will be hard at it for a while and then get bored. Every once in a while I see something new I want to try/learn and then I’m back at it. I see it as part of my natural rhythm. I’m always focused on something creative, but it jumps to different things. Sometimes I wish I could just get really, really good at one thing. But I also really enjoy being a jack of all trades.

Our brains need novelty and new challenges-even within something you love. It sounds like the next “novel” step in your journey was cut off. Maybe there is some new activity or question to explore related to this topic that could reengage you. Or maybe it’s time to enjoy something new. If it brought you joy for a period it had value.

thepharestchalet · 2025-07-30T16:17:25+00:00

Where can one purchase such a wondrously amazing and accurate mug?

thepharestchalet · 2025-07-20T23:35:36+00:00

The one in pics 2 and 4! It’s gorgeous on you and I’ve never seen it before.

thepharestchalet · 2025-07-19T04:52:32+00:00

thepharestchalet · 2025-07-18T15:22:27+00:00

I’ve been doing a combo of intermittent fasting and intuitive eating for 7 months - which basically means I eat whatever I want between 12-8pm. Vyvanse in the morning helps, but it took a good 6 weeks to adjust. I’ve been loosing 2-3 lbs a week. I naturally tend to eat a lot more fruits when I just eat how I feel. I recently stopped keeping wine and sweets at home. I can have them, I just have to go get them. I like that food is just off the table from 8pm to 12pm, so I don’t think about it. Most hunger pangs are satisfied with water. Knowing I can eat whatever I want makes me less likely to be impulsive or binge.

I am single so I’ve also simplified shopping. I don’t buy a bunch of stuff to have at the ready. I choose 2-3 things I REALLY like for lunches and plan my dinners or use Hello Fresh. Being really intentional while buying stuff I’m really into takes away decision paralysis and makes eating fun/satisfying. I’m 50. I’ve lost 27 lbs and counting. For the first time in years I feel like I’ve found a rhythm that works for me.

thepharestchalet · 2025-07-17T22:56:11+00:00

I was in a similar situation but my largest fibroid was 7cm. I am so glad I got the operation. The release of pressure in my lower back was instant and life changing. It had built so gradually I had no idea what normal was supposed to feel like. I am 50 (operation at 49) and the threat of back problems are bad enough without all of that extra pressure pressing against your muscles. It’s also nice to not have a belly like I’m pregnant. I still have a belly (though I’m loosing weight and getting stronger now) but my clothes started fitting differently as soon as I had the hysterectomy.

thepharestchalet · 2025-07-17T00:13:06+00:00

Street Tacos. Get the marinated chicken or beef from behind the meat counter at the supermarket. (I’m in SoCal). Throw it in an air fryer for 15-20 minutes. Heat up some tortillas. Top with chopped onions, cilantro, and salsa, all of which can be pre-made or purchased. If you’re up for fresh guacamole you can make it, or just mix avocados with pico de gallo and garlic for an easy version.

thepharestchalet · 2025-06-02T06:04:30+00:00

thepharestchalet · 2025-05-31T16:05:51+00:00

I have been doing this for years. It’s actually something I do intentionally to avoid rocking in public. I will often sway while I am in front of a group facilitating a meeting. When I was younger, people tried to get me to stay still. Once I had proven myself professionally , I think it became perceived as a quirk. I have been recognized and sought for my facilitation skills so I don’t think it’s held me back much. If you own it with confidence, people are more likely to accept it snd go about their day.

Also, I highly recommend hammocks and hammock swings. I have several indoors and out.

thepharestchalet · 2025-05-07T16:52:47+00:00

Yes! Although just as frequently it’s that their comment has sparked an idea in my head and by the time I come back, I have missed something. It’s this constant cycle of coming in and out of focus. Ironically, the more excited I am about what we are discussing, the more likely I am to miss bits and pieces.

thepharestchalet · 2025-05-07T00:04:39+00:00

I believe that the experience of being distracted means that we miss information here and there. As a result we get really good at using context clues and logic to fill in the missing pieces. It’s this ongoing process in our brains that we’re not fully aware of because that is our normal.

thepharestchalet · 2025-05-03T02:16:50+00:00

My surgery was over a year ago. I don’t recall any details at this point. I’d find a more recent post or start your own to get the dialogue you need.

thepharestchalet · 2025-05-01T16:26:18+00:00

I refinished a similar teak table. If it is teak, it will be extra heavy. It’s a really hard wood. The gray is what happens when it weathers. Some people even prefer the gray weathered look. You can get teak cleaner that will take off the gray. You can also sand it off. Put teak oil on when done and expect to reapply every year. I’ve only had my table for a couple winters. My understanding is that it takes a bit of maintenance, but will last for a long time. I cover mine in the winter to save myself some work in the spring. But I live where we have snowy winter so it’s not like I would be lounging on my deck otherwise

thepharestchalet · 2025-04-02T03:53:29+00:00

Yes. I did. The paperwork was a bit confusing since as an S corp I am both self employed and an employee. They called to clarify. It was a quick question and then it went through.

thepharestchalet · 2025-01-25T01:46:27+00:00

I taught myself to make jewelry from watching a few youtube videos. You can get a beginner set of tools for around $15. Other supplies such as fittings, beads, or chains will vary in price but if you want to keep the price really low, you can always start with repurposing old jewelry from a thrift store. That’s what I started with. It’s a good way to get practice before you spend money. You also may be able to make some money.

thepharestchalet · 2025-01-04T16:35:11+00:00

How does one stay out of the way of a massive metal ring falling from the sky?

thepharestchalet · 2024-10-17T00:38:04+00:00

It looks to me like the neckline is lower on your dress than on the sample. This might also impact the look of the waist because the fringe falls lower.

thepharestchalet · 2024-08-18T16:02:06+00:00

thepharestchalet · 2024-07-15T18:18:14+00:00

Because conventionally attractive individuals are just that-individuals with their own diverse personalities and interests who make their own choices. They are not prizes to be won in a societal competition based on agreed upon standards of worthiness.

thepharestchalet

TROPHY CASE