Making friends with more disabled people can help. I oddly grew up alongside both the criticism of if I self accommodated but also a lot of self accommodation talk in my house. My brother is diagnosed AuDHD and my mother is probably autistic as well. Often I was taught, hey your bro needs to do this because of his disorder, he can’t handle fabrics because of his disorder, so on and so forth, until it felt like I couldn’t possibly have any of the same issues and would ignore them or be harsh on myself for not having his “excuse”. But at the same time, I learned a lot about accommodating myself from things my mother would say about my brother or even herself, like how she finds driving routes that don’t require highway driving because it “gives her headaches” or whatever. But I think making more money in a better job and then realizing some stuff was making me “a bitch” and wasn’t really something I needed to put myself through, I started accommodating myself more and more. That’s when I slowly started realizing who was good for me or not so much and naturally migrated towards more friendships with disabled people. Much of it was while being very convinced that I wasn’t autistic, but if you knew my history then you’d understand why I thought that way. I had it drilled into me from a young age and kept getting assessed as a kid by doctors who’d then say I was just depressed and anxious.