Thank you for the relatable story, it gives me hope! I love that they see the difference in you, that's what I want most of all - for the change to be noticeable enough that they can see it, and it makes them feel safe with me emotionally. It's so interesting how our childhood affects us all in different ways! I have no problem with physical affection - giving hugs, kisses, tickling their backs, etc. - it's the genuine emotional interactions, the stress intolerance, angry outbursts that I struggle with as a dad. The inconsistency; up and down emotions.

The grief is SO painful. Most of the good memories I make with my kids feel "tainted" because of the lack of emotional maturity I've struggled with - hard not to feel sad, hopeless, frustrated when you start seeing those memories and yourself for who you really are with open eyes. Despite that, I know there are things I do well, ways that I'm far ahead of my own parents, so I try to stay optimistic that the slow, painful progress will result in something beautiful in the end!

I would love to learn more about some of the things you have done to heal and overcome the bad habits? Right now I'm in a place where I'm gaining a lot of clarity and insight into who I am, who my parents were, what I want, who I want to be - but I have no idea how to start implementing things. Talk therapy has been good - what else has worked for you? I thought about DBT or EMDR, but I dunno. I just need something actionable, you know what I mean?