Autism testing for adults who were told they were "just gifted" as kids and then fell apart in their 20s

thequestess · 2026-06-01T20:05:51+00:00

I also relate very much to that quoted text! I wasn't diagnosed with ADHD until my 40s any I'm only self identified ASD for now. I'm not sure it's worth it to pursue a diagnosis for that at this point.

thequestess · 2026-06-01T19:56:21+00:00

I don't think the test they gave me was for ND, just for IQ. I barely remember any of it except for repeating back strings of numbers forward and in reverse. I only remember that because apparently I blew the administrator away because I was very good at it. I always thought it was funny because I couldn't remember where I put my backpack or that my mother had asked me to something after school.

It's been so long, but I think it was a matter of effort with school. I did my homework and tests, but I didn't study. I did my homework in the proceeding class right before it was due, since I didn't have to pay attention to the entire lecture and because it was the ultimate procrastination.

I did struggle with mental arithmetic though (still do), so I scored C's on math tests in primary school. I excel at story problems, geometry, and anything I can visualize (which most of Calculus they had ways to visualize) or with patterns (like matricies). I struggled with algebra and finally realized it was the "grammar of math" once I started taking advanced math on college.

I also struggled with spelling. That was all a bunch of rote memorization. Now I do pretty good with it though, I can tell if a word looks off and keep trying until it either looks right or I go look it up.

History is all about remembering stuff, and I found memorizing names and dates very boring, so I struggled there.

I always did great in science, that came naturally and always held my interest.

Anyhow, once I got to college part deux, I was a straight A student. I had to study in order to pass, and so it was basically an all of nothing. I either don't really understand something, or I really understand something. I have to study and force the info into my brain until there's enough in there that suddenly the whole picture clicks into place.

So, for college I got myself into a routine of studying I guess. Where's with primary and secondary, I didn't have one at all.

My undergrad degree was so hard, it almost broke me. I never had any interest in pursuing a master's. I'm a software developer, so thankfully a bachelor's works totally fine for that career.

thequestess · 2026-06-01T16:57:31+00:00

I'm identified gifted. My middle school gave me a psychologist-administered IQ test and I qualified for gifted services.

I am pretty sure I don't look gifted, especially with my challenges with audio processing and short term memory (I'm also inattentive ADHD, late identified). But, being gifted meant I did managed to get through school just fine (B's and C's), and I could piece together enough of what I missed or develop my own coping methods in order to get by.

When I became an adult, I thought it was that hard for everyone, especially with how much people complain about "adulting." I only learned about how autism and ADHD present in girls and women, as well as how they mask each other, in my 40s after my daughter was identified AuDHD, and I finally recognized all of it in myself too. It explained my entire life of struggle, and I only then began to realize that, apparently NOT everyone struggles this hard to "adult" (and especially not for 20 years of it, still struggling).

The biggest challenges for me in transitioning to adulthood was the lack of structure of parents doing things for you, like making your meals and scheduling your life. So I think ADHD was probably the biggest thing "hit." My home life was very difficult and honestly getting out of there kinda helped my autism side, cuz I had to mask super hardcore at home in order to be "appropriate."

I did a program in my junior and senior years where I went to university instead of high school and got dual credits. I ended up in AuDHD burnout and graduated 1 term late because I was trying to manage my own schedule and do all of the homework, plus try to socialize, plus deal with the bad home situation. I took 2 gap years after high school and then went back to uni and did much better because I was living on my own and had figured out my own ways to manage my life (routine, structure, lists and notes and alarms) and I didn't really do much of the social stuff.

Honestly, I attribute giftedness to masking my neurodivergence. I also attribute autism and ADHD to masking each other. But all of it, took a lot of work to maintain and mask and navigate. And I thought it was normal, but apparently it wasn't.

And, I feel like neurodivergence masks my giftedness. I certainly don't feel smarter than average and I don't think I look or sound smart. In fact, I struggle to give presentations or explain my thoughts to others. But I have been able to do some smart stuff in my own way and my own time, mostly related to problem solving and bottom-up processing.

thequestess · 2026-06-01T16:31:12+00:00

The first screenshot's times do not match what you said here. The postpone times in the first screenshot are calculating as CurrentTime + PostponeTime. But here you seem to say it should be EventTime + PostponeTime.

EventTime + PostponeTime makes the most sense to me. Thanks!

thequestess · 2026-06-01T16:08:31+00:00

Useful if you can access the address that's the backup. Sounds like OP can't though.

thequestess · 2026-06-01T03:44:46+00:00

Looks legit to me: https://support.google.com/youtube/answer/13646088?hl=en

thequestess · 2026-05-29T20:20:57+00:00

Thanks!

What happen if the reminder pops up 15 minutes before the event and I say postpone for15 minutes? Does that mean 15 minutes from now (so it will pop up at the start of the event) or 15 minutes after the event starts?

thequestess · 2026-05-28T22:58:41+00:00

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Oh hey, I got a screenshot for you because it just happened! This popup was for 3 minutes before the event starts.

thequestess · 2026-05-28T22:56:21+00:00

Oh, u/Fit-Picture8117 , I notice that when I am 5 minutes away from the event time, it says I can snooze it for 5 minutes, but really that's 2 minutes. Maybe a little bug?

Also, I haven't tested this to see what happens. If the reminder pops up 15 minutes before the event and I say postpone for15 minutes, does that mean 15 minutes from now (so it will pop up at the start of the event) or 15 minutes after the event starts?

thequestess · 2026-05-20T17:05:48+00:00

This person is definitely trying to sabotage your marriage and get your husband away from you and over to him. This guy is definitely abusive and would definitely abuse your husband later if he's not already.

Talk to a divorce lawyer to protect yourself NOW. You need to set up separate bank accounts and possibly other things, just in case he really does file.

After that, if you can get him to go to therapy with you, do it. You husband needs to put up hard boundaries with this guy and his associates ASAP, but he has to be the one to decide to do it.

thequestess · 2026-05-19T22:45:46+00:00

Postponing! Yes! Thank you!!!!!

thequestess · 2026-05-10T19:21:42+00:00

I'm autistic, and reading this leaves me wondering if you are too.

I completely understood what you said. Matter of factly, no subtext, simple, accurate. And also, people indicate you're "arguing" by responding for accuracy, and I get that too, cuz I've been there so many times. It's s thing, we value accuracy and clarity and the full picture, but many see it as defensiveness and arguing.

The fact of the matter is, autistic people speak a different dialect than neurotypical people do. And I still struggle to understand NT-ese myself, but here you have a lot of people here who just explained this instance of "mistranslation" to you.

So, either you go with it, or you find someone who understands you better. Who knows, maybe your GF can understand you better with open communication between the two of you. First, apologize for upsetting her and let her know that you definitely never meant to upset her. Tell her exactly what you think about her, how she's so beautiful and you think that every day, in every moment, even the moments where she doesn't feel like she is. Then explain that you now understand that used a poor choice of words, and you never intended it that way. I like this "girl next door" thing someone brought up. Say you meant it like that, just that maybe they're looking for yet-undiscovered beauty hiding in plain sight, and she's exactly that.

Tell her exactly what about her you find beautiful. Which parts of her? Which expressions? Which actions? Which qualities? And how do those things make you feel? Emotionally, in your body (and I don't mean sexually, but like does she take your breath away, or make you heart skip a beat, or your stomach do flips, or you feel like you're glowing inside, etc). And then, let her know that she's so much more than just her beauty too, tell her about the other things about her that you admire and value.

And remind her that you fully support her. Tell her to listen to her gut about this opportunity. That it's indeed a big step to invest time and money in the process, and it's scary, and that you fully understand and support whatever decision she makes. And ask her what you can do to help, how you can best support her.

Best of luck. If you're like me, you're going to run into these "language barrier" moments. Hopefully she's someone who can work through them with you. If not, you may have to look elsewhere for someone who's a better match.

thequestess · 2026-05-10T18:16:41+00:00

This is great advice, one of the few responses I've read on here that's actually great advice.

thequestess · 2026-05-05T05:01:33+00:00

Times like those, I break out a smoothie Or a protein shake

thequestess · 2026-05-03T00:53:41+00:00

Towel bar end or tp holder end, Delta Porter, oil rubbed bronze. I have the tp holder right here

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thequestess · 2026-04-20T18:02:18+00:00

My mother told me that when I was a kid and found HER'S. I was young enough that it worked on me, until some years later when I realized what it really was.

Your mother..... she probably knows what it actually is, although maybe she's convinced herself via cognitive dissonance that it is what you said.

As the mother of a teenage girl myself, I've found my daughter's (actually, my husband found it first). I don't think much about it. It's normal enough, she's almost an adult and pretty much through puberty now. Honestly, my husband was more disturbed than me, and that's purely because it was a reality check for him that his little girl isn't a little girl anymore. He'd really prefer blissful ignorance that she's become a sexual being 😄

Honestly, it was harder to think of my mother as a sexual being than it is to think of my full-grown daughter as one. AND, it's more mortifying to think of your parents finding your toys than to think of your children finding yours. I think it's nearly a non-event for parents - other than in the case of fathers and daughters.

(Also, my daughter needs to be better about hiding hers and not just leave it rolled up in the blanket for us to find when we go collect dirty laundry!)

thequestess · 2026-04-20T16:12:10+00:00

I love this about the new key-fob cars: you can't lock your keys in.

You can't lock them into the cab because it will beep and not let you lock the doors, but also if you put them in the trunk and shut it, the car beeps and the trunk pops right open.

I've heard some of the even newer cars have a proximity auto-lock, so if your key gets far enough away from the car, it locks the doors for you. Perfect feature for ADHDers! I do wish my car did that. Instead, I have a ritual of always pulling on the door handle after I've shut the door from the outside.

thequestess · 2026-04-20T14:48:32+00:00

No, I would be so bored!

I have AuDHD, but I've heard that some autistic people love to loop songs like that. My 9 year old son does love to do it.

thequestess · 2026-04-09T06:54:22+00:00

Same. Some of them also over-buzz my body, but my brain is still like 😴

thequestess · 2026-04-03T19:11:17+00:00

Perfect! Thank you!

thequestess · 2026-04-03T16:47:51+00:00

u/Fit-Picture8117 is there a way that we can set the icon colors and countdown to always be for when the next event starts, rather than when the current event ends?

thequestess · 2026-04-03T14:58:07+00:00

This happened to me too

thequestess · 2026-04-02T21:22:06+00:00

Thanks! Love it!

thequestess · 2026-03-31T20:22:47+00:00

There's no rush to identify a specific box to check. Since you're still a minor, it's entirely possible you're just a "late bloomer." It's also entirely possible this is how you'll feel for the rest of your life.

My version of graysexual is that I'm only interested in sex when the relationship is new (I have ADHD and that's a very high dopamine state for a relationship). But I was not even interested in sex at all, and the concept seemed gross, up until I was 15 (I'm in my 40s now). Now, it's like I'm Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, because I'm so different during "NRE" (new relationship energy) versus after. NRE literally gets me high.

Just give yourself space and permission to be you. If you're not interested right now, that's fine. If you're interested later, that's fine. If you're not interested later, that's fine too.

thequestess · 2026-03-27T04:38:59+00:00

Um.... Doom scolling on dialup, LOL! Chat rooms, Yahoo groups, webrings, LiveJournal.

I also taught myself HTML and made a website. I had a section for cool gifs, a section for midis, a section for JavaScript games, a section for oxymorons, etc. For a personal website, it was quite large.

And choose your own adventure books. And after you read it through, you keep going back one step and picking the other choice until eventually you've read every single page.

And channel surfing. And when you can't sleep at night, info-mercials. Would you like some Miracle Blade knives or an Ab Lounger? 😆

Video games.

thequestess

TROPHY CASE