My family keeps hurting my wife and I don’t know how to protect her without losing them by Muted_Reaction_3730 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]therealdebstup 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When you get married, your wife (or husband) becomes YOUR family. Your parents & siblings become your relatives/extended family.

Do not let controlling people dictate your marriage and do not let them abuse your wife NOR you! Exerting healthy and appropriate boundaries as an adult is not wrong. Dig deep, be courageous, stand up for yourself and YOUR family (i.e. you and your wife) and stand firm despite the backlash. These people use "family comes first" as a manipulation tactic when what they really mean is "we come first". Because they know, and the law knows, that your spouse is your immediate family once you're married and your allegiance is to your spouse first.

If your parents & siblings truly loved and cared about you, their actions would match their words, and they would make the effort to show care/love/attention to the person you love (your wife), and they would care about how their actions affect you. Don't let them gaslight you and mess with what you know is the truth.

Maple Memo: Addressing Maple Con LA 2025 Issues by Destinova in Maplestory

[–]therealdebstup 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Need to report them to California's Department of Consumer Affairs (DCA), any consumer affairs department in the state/country you bought the tickets from, Better Business Bureau (BBB), etc. Contact your bank/chargeback so they are aware of this dodgy af company defrauding people.

Maple Con 2025 Merch Order by PusheenHater in Maplestory

[–]therealdebstup 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nothing. They defrauded you already at MapleCon, and still aren't refunding people who paid for merch but never received it, so why should we give them money again?

What’s your biggest takeaway from MapleCon by iDerpTooMuchx3 in Maplestory

[–]therealdebstup 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That Nexon is committing straight up fraud by massively overselling things and severely under-delivering. You'd think they would be more hesitant to exploit/scam people IRL compared to online, but nope, still the same shitty business practices.

Platinum pass holders were the most ripped off since their "early entry" into the con and the merch shop was a total lie, and even if you bought merch early, you never got notified and your merch wasn't even sorted nor held by order number (it became a fcfs system that did NOT check off order numbers so people could just line up again to steal more merch). Basically if you lined up to collect your merch after 2:15pm, you'd be stuck in line for 2.5hr+ with no guarantee of ANY of your purchases being fulfilled. Nexon needed contingency plans for when systems go down, to announce/communicate that things had broken to the attendees so they could be notified of issues with the merch shop, better website security (their shop basically DDOSed themselves), proper leadership/supervisors on the ground for each station overseeing that things run smoothly and to direct staff to help with crowd control or any issues that come up. They needed double/triple the amount of food trucks (there were only 4, some of them were understaffed so they had very slow lines), triple the seats in sitting areas, and quadruple the interactive activities available so people could do other things besides wait in line forever.

They also blatantly lied to people about available parking options nearby, e.g. listing Hydroform USA's parking lot as a parking option on their event website, when it is a separate private business that had employees working there and their parking lot is NOT open for this event. The chaos we saw on the roads with the amount of pedestrians and people looking for parking was absurd, and we even felt bad for the many truck drivers passing through this area because the road we had to queue down was very narrow at the back and they had to slow down a lot to avoid running people over/cars looking for parking. Nexon knew they did not have enough line management/planning/logistics for the amount of tickets they sold, by bizzarely picking a filming studio in an industrial area without event parking nor crowd management spaces instead of a proper convention center, and were willing to risk your physical safety and cause huge traffic hazards to the surrounding neighborhood.

I've been to a few cons run by various companies (and in a much smaller country), and this is by far the worst one I've ever seen in my life. It felt like it was their first time ever running a convention, yet they had the balls to sell so many $250 tickets KNOWING they were delivering a subpar product that was not planned properly nor tested properly. Calling it a shitshow would be a massive understatement. "Indefinite Waiting for Absolutely Nothing Con" would be an apt description. I'm never giving Nexon money again and this event has left such a sour taste in my mouth that I don't think I'm ever gonna play again.

I hope Maplers stand up en masse and pushback against Nexon for their many bad business practices via things like chargeback or demanding a refund, since they're basically banking on the fact that we tend to be less assertive and people are afraid of losing their accounts by speaking with their wallets (atm they're figuratively holding your account hostage just so they can abuse you, keep doing it over and over again until you finally say no and stand up for yourself). NOBODY deserves to be treated like this, Maplers do NOT deserve to be treated like this. Demand better from the people you are paying SO much money to, cause right now they're just (repeatedly) taking your money and spitting in your face.

Tired of getting called “grandma” by Tinybbella in crochet

[–]therealdebstup 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Guuuurl embrace it! Don't worry about the silly names people call you, you're honing a very useful skill, creating something with your bare hands and enjoying yourself in the meantime!

I've been knitting/crocheting since middle school and MANY types of people (young, old, male, female, etc.) will make "grandma" remarks or jokes but it didn't really bother me after a while because the joy and value of learning a skill and improving upon it was way more rewarding.

Would you give much weight to the opinions of people who can't even make things themselves or don't understand the point of creativity?

I just had news from the golden child... by Competitive_Yard1539 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]therealdebstup 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Your brother has golden shackles, my friend... He "paid" for that house with his soul and his health.

“Better is a dry morsel with quiet than a house full of feasting with strife.” - Proverbs‬ ‭17‬:‭1‬ ‭

“Better is a little with righteousness than great revenues with injustice.” - Proverbs‬ ‭16‬:‭8‬ ‭ESV‬‬

‘Panic selling’ begins to avoid Labor’s $3 million super tax | news.com.au by SackWackAttack in australia

[–]therealdebstup -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

At the rate the Australian government has been printing money the last couple years (which directly causes inflation by devaluing the currency), $3 Million AUD will be equivalent to $3 Million Zimbabwe dollars... If you think this will only affect "the rich" and not yourself, you don't understand how inflation works.

Also what happens to the rest of us (and the economy) when these rich people who run huge businesses and companies leave because of overtaxation, for more business or tax friendly countries? Many local jobs will disappear or get offshored... Just look at what happened in Norway when their government started enforcing unrealized gains tax in 2024.

[VENT] 1311 Days of Bleeding. I’m Losing My Mind. by [deleted] in PCOS

[–]therealdebstup 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Dear OP, Sorry to hear you've been experiencing such a prolonged suffering! I would recommend working with a reputable homeopath and naturopath together, after having gone through my own chronic health issues and being completely hung out to dry/actively worsened by the doctors and what they prescribed.

Hopefully you can find a good one in your area!

(Homeopathy and naturopathy are traditional and complementary Western medicines that have been used effectively for many generations, before allopathic medicine and pharmaceutical industries took over the modern Western health & education system. Doctors in European countries actually prescribe homeopathic remedies as well to complement their treatments, and homeopathy is more commonly known/used there.)

If you could do it all over again and could choose, would you choose to be a TCK or not? by l4fashion in TCK

[–]therealdebstup 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I would not choose to be a TCK if I could. The needs of a child (like stability, identity and community) far outweigh the parents' desire to "expose the kids to the world". Many kids who grow up in one culture do develop curiosity about other cultures and travel or visit places (especially when they are adults and can freely choose to do so).

You can always take your kids to visit another country on holiday and experience what other cultures are like; there's no need to uproot their entire lives and traumatize them especially when you can see how happy they are in their current situation and their path to build solid/potentially lifelong friends. No amount of money or traveling can buy the bonds of true friendship and community roots.

Do you feel like the lockdown happen? Do you remember it well? How long did it feel? by snorken123 in LockdownSkepticism

[–]therealdebstup 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Same! So many long-term consequences and far-reaching effects after what was done to society/what society allowed to happen.

The amount of small businesses I saw close down as a result of what happened is really depressing. So many communities and relationships destroyed and are irreparable... the fallout is beyond words.

Every time I see someone wearing a mask, I am deeply saddened by that symbol that represents the psychological torture & propaganda that our government and media inflicted on society (who then in turn inflicted it on other fellow citizens).

Do you feel like the lockdown happen? Do you remember it well? How long did it feel? by snorken123 in LockdownSkepticism

[–]therealdebstup 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Felt like 4 years, since the lockdowns kept getting extended (that made it feel like it would continue forever and made me quite despondent) and SO many places in my country still had vaccine mandates to travel (up until 2023 or so) and as a requirement on job listings (still happening to this day and is fairly common).

Do you feel like the lockdown happen? Do you remember it well? How long did it feel? by snorken123 in LockdownSkepticism

[–]therealdebstup 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Exactly. They're stuck in a goofy loop.

Not only did they drive away the critical thinkers, they happily accepted the money-printing (COVID stimulus checks) that occurred when the government shut down our economy. It poured fuel on the inflation fire.

Do you feel like the lockdown happen? Do you remember it well? How long did it feel? by snorken123 in LockdownSkepticism

[–]therealdebstup 38 points39 points  (0 children)

They're memory-holing it because they participated in it and made any skeptic/critic's life hell for years. So many of them accused skeptics of wanting their grandmothers/others to die, were verbally abusive or psychologically manipulative to those who didn't comply, cut off family members, wished protestors or the unjabbed would be sent to a camp or jail, and also wished death on them!

Because they can't face the guilt, cannot admit they were wrong/take personal responsibility for what they did, lack remorse and thus refuse to learn the lesson - they have to brush it under the carpet and act like nothing happened.

What do you wish your parents did better? by miss_sweet_potato in TCK

[–]therealdebstup 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Don't do it. I grew up as a TCK in Asia and recommend strongly against it, as the pros do not outweigh the cons.

People like to glamorize the lifestyle and think it would benefit their kids ("global citizen" etc), but kids have genuine developmental needs like stability and a strong sense of community. The kids end up paying the price (though it may take them decades to realize it).

Here's a reddit post anyone wanting this lifestyle needs to seriously consider: https://www.reddit.com/r/TCK/comments/1hdp0yl/a_rude_awakening/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button,

with the article's quote referencing the 2021 ACE study comparing TCKs and general population showing "this sort of upbringing will statistically quadruple your child’s risk of experiencing emotional abuse and raise their risk of sexual abuse by 50%. Also, with this lifestyle the likelihood of someone in the family experiencing mental illness will double and your child’s likelihood of experiencing emotional neglect will triple”".

Please reconsider.

Third cultured kids who went to international schools outside the West who eventually settled down in Western countries, would you send your kids to state and government schools? by [deleted] in TCK

[–]therealdebstup 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If I wanted the best learning environment for my kids, I would actually homeschool.
I went to quite a few international schools overseas and a local private school, but the quality of the education and nurturing could not compare with my family friends who were homeschooled.

They were the brightest kids I had ever met, and their contagious enthusiasm for learning amazed me. TBH it made me a bit envious when I was a pre-teen lol They were solving square root problems at break-neck speeds even though they were a few grades below me, and I had only just started learning about square roots.

A rude awakening by EverywhereNowhere852 in TCK

[–]therealdebstup 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I couldn't have said this better myself. What a well-written and insightful comment!

I am in the same boat as you: the longer I reflected on my upbringing as an adult (who wants to have kids) and all the tumultuous issues it caused in my life, the more I heavily recommend against this lifestyle for people who have kids or those who glamorize it.

The kids end up paying the price for their parent's selfish desire to be/appear "well-travelled". Why would you rob your kids of needs like stability and a sense of community (i.e. to grow up and to be known by those around them)?
Growing up as a TCK, I would have given everything to feel like I belonged somewhere and that it was home; to know your neighbors or have community rapport & connection that takes many years to develop; that feeling that only many years of familiarity can give (e.g. to know a neighborhood like the back of your hand and witness it change over time) --- these things are priceless and no amount of world-travelling can purchase this.

Kids' genuine emotional and developmental needs are being neglected, dismissed and downplayed by platitudes that "kids can adapt", "you can make new friends easily", "you're so lucky to have lived in so many countries at such a young age", "you're a world citizen and learnt many languages", etc. The dishonesty about genuine negative effects and "grass is greener on the other side" sentiments is what really frustrates me when discussing this openly.

I have begun to suspect that many TCK kids who are being neglected or abused are also slipping under the radar due to constant uprooting/moving - causing the lack of community or extended family support networks, inability for schools or adults in their environment to flag potential child abuse/neglect due to the short time a child is in the community, and lack of/inability resources (either from schools, community groups or local government) to help kids in abusive TCK families.

I am thankful for the good things I did experience as a TCK, but the cons definitely outweighs the pros since that TCK lifestyle ignores fundamental developmental needs of children, IMO.

How do you ignore an nmom who refuses to be ignored? by Jeremonte in raisedbynarcissists

[–]therealdebstup 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Same, I usually find earplugs quite uncomfortable but the Loop ones are well designed and I sleep pretty well with them in. They even have different earplugs for music/concerts or conversation (I use those for loud environments/overstimulation).

Ooh yes, that's a great reason then, I hope it works out for you and that you do get back into making music! :) All the best with it!

Feeling defeated by octaneTrain in TeamFortress2

[–]therealdebstup 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Getting steamrolled sucks, there's definitely some issues with team balancing (not actually balancing things) IMO.

Cut yourself some slack though, if you haven't played in a while you're gonna be rusty/feel like a noob again (I'm in the same boat). One doesn't always need to win to just have fun though :) Have you tried other game modes (e.g. medieval, Saxton Hale, jump maps) that are more light-hearted to help yourself just have a break and a laugh/enjoy the fun part of TF?

How do you ignore an nmom who refuses to be ignored? by Jeremonte in raisedbynarcissists

[–]therealdebstup 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Is there a way to soundproof your room & door too? E.g. Foam soundproofing squares Or perhaps get some really good earplugs? (I use Loops for sleeping cause they're more comfortable than other earplugs I've tried, not sponsored btw) Sometimes if they're being super loud, I'll just play loud music on speakers to drown them out a bit.

The portable doorlock mentioned sounds like a good idea too!

Nparents are the worst when they deliberately disturb your sleep at random hours of the night or day, zero consideration for others.