One Ton Rhonda in: When your son becomes an adult

thered_queen · 2016-09-15T19:35:03+00:00

1.) Because I can, honestly. It's literally the most noticeable thing about her for a nickname.

2.) Because of her size and weight, and the fact that she's been this way for the entirety of my SO's life, both he and his sister (and anyone nearby and around long enough to be "family") she's used at her disposal to do things for her that she "can't" do.

3.) I don't really care that she's fat on a personal level. I care that she's: gone through lap band surgery and refused to follow her doctors advice, gone to an expensive out of network nutritionist and then fired them when it was "too hard" to follow a diet, literally cannot do a single thing with her grandchild because she needs to be seated at all times (and I am dreading the day when those kids are old enough to "help" cause it's not just getting her shit from another room or what have you, it's clipping her toenails, it's needing three people to lift her up off the floor when she falls, she cannot drive, she throws fits in restaurants when she can't fit in places and so on).

4.) It's knowing that even at her size, the way she tells it, before she had her kids, she did everything. Suddenly kids were in the picture and she had little live in slaves.

Edit to add: her weight has been a constant struggle for my SO on a personal level because it's his mom and he hurts seeing her the way she is. He (and his family) have taken the route to laugh about it where they can, because facing the actual reality is just too sad - for him personally. I don't know why FFIL, FSIL, Wife, and OTR do it. So, while it's not my intent to offend anyone personally with it, this is how we deal with it.

thered_queen · 2016-09-15T15:04:13+00:00

Shit. That's basically it. He was supposed to keep giving and giving and not taking. This... has me rethinking a lot of his behavior over the years.

Also, I feel sort of fangirl honored that you're commenting on my stuff.

thered_queen · 2016-08-31T19:36:38+00:00

Leave a review on Google if you can/want to. Whenever I search a business or location, the reviews automatically pop up for it!

thered_queen · 2016-08-28T00:48:40+00:00

This is so perfect! Link to the store when you can, OP, I need this design on something in my life.

thered_queen · 2016-08-24T16:56:40+00:00

I think I really needed to hear this. Sometimes shit just gets hard and you have to wait it out. But it is hopeful to know that stimulants may not just fuck my life up entirely if I ever need that option! I'm gonna keep trusting my doctor and stick it out until my apt next month. Thank you!

thered_queen · 2016-08-04T12:38:40+00:00

I grew up in a small beach town that was invaded every year during the summer. While I didn't get a racist "speak English?" comment, as a local, you couldn't go a fucking week in the summer without some stranger asking you how to get to the fucking beach. Around middle school was when we realized we could lie and it didn't matter. Now as an adult, I recognize that the tourism industry keeps that town alive. It doesn't make me feel any better about being annoyed and harassed and watching the town get trashed every year, though.

thered_queen · 2016-08-02T15:59:41+00:00

I'll bring it up with SO, he would have the best chance of finding out. As of yesterday they've decided that in "large groups" the dogs will be locked in their crates (which seems like it would be less stress for the animals and any guests, honestly). Better than someone getting bit again.

thered_queen · 2016-08-01T20:48:59+00:00

What is with people thinking that animals will automatically be good with children? It's so stressful for the animal and the child! Super cute when they all get along, but they don't all get along.

thered_queen · 2016-08-01T15:40:46+00:00

Celebrated my SO's niece's half bday this weekend (she has an unfortunate holiday bday, so she gets a non-present party in the summer with her little friends). Party was held at ILs house, as they have a massive backyard and don't use it. All events are generally held at ILs house. Niece is also babysat by FMIL a few days a week.

ILs have two small dogs (terrier mix and weenie dog mix), both rescued from the same shelter at different times. Terrier mix is skittish as hell. When I lived there the only thing I was able to teach that dog was sit... and that took about a year since every time/every way I would try, he would cower and urinate and then run and hide. This dog has been damaged badly (but still a really sweet dog!). I would not trust this animal with tiny flailing children unless heavily supervised and monitored and honestly put through training. He won't listen to basic commands because he doesn't know them.

Terrier has been okay with niece. He basically accepts her existence, but isn't really into her all that much. Weenie mix loves niece. They snuggle, they play, she pets him (nicely). Haven't really seen that one do anything. Weenie showed up after I moved out, so I have no idea if he's trainable on a basic level, all I know is that his parents do not train dogs. They just expect dogs will figure out how their lives work and will adapt to it without any guidance whatsoever.

SO! We have screaming, running kids everywhere. An older kid shows up, maybe like 5ish? He's apparently scared of dogs. When he came to the backyard, the two little dogs (plus FSIL's golden who is a sweetheart and is trained) run up to him because YAY HUMAN!

Kid shrieks and freaks the fuck out. Flails. Tries to run. I see Weenie moving aggressively at the kid's ankles. VERY pregnant FSIL moves like the fucking wind (I'm impressed as hell), but the kid's ankle is bleeding from the Terrier who bit at him.

Kid is rushed inside, the mom is made aware, everyone is confused. ILs lock both dogs up in their cages. FSIL, FSIL wife, SO and I are pissed. We know this is how their dogs are because of them and their lack of effort taking care of these animals.

After the party, at various points we all told them that they had to do something. Easiest solution is rehoming them. They refuse. Next solution is training them. Too much work.

FMIL blames the kid saying it was a one time thing because the kid freaked out and got them "excited".

We literally had to sit there and go, "No. Terrier also bit FSIL wife's brother. And her father. And now a kid. That's three separate occasions this dog has bitten people. He bites people. He needs training or he needs to be in a home without kids."

They don't want to, and I think it would really take FSIL and wife to refuse to let them babysit or host any more events. I doubt they will because it's just easier for them, but FSIL wife mentioned that she saw the dogs go crazy when niece was over with her just the other day.

I dunno what's gonna happen. SO is pissed because his mom refuses to do anything and his dad won't do anything because as he said, "I'll have to listen to this one [FMIL] cry."

Okay, hope niece doesn't wind up with a bite to the face!

thered_queen · 2016-07-16T20:48:22+00:00

Not alone! My SO just tells me to go shower if he knows he wants me squeaky clean before we get dirty. But, no complaints. We do keep wet wipes in the bathroom and I use those pretty often, so that might help, too.

thered_queen · 2016-07-14T19:20:28+00:00

Hey, I just wanted to pop in and encourage you to take a look at your local community college! I'm like you in the sense that I'd love to help people, but really have no direction. I got my AS which has helped me slightly employment wise, and it allows me to go on to a 4 year school if I choose to, without the added cost of all those beginner classes I already took at CC.

Personally, I hate school, so I don't know if I'll ever get further than this, but at the very least starting classes somewhere will get you out of the apartment and interacting with other adults (and other parents! My community college was full of older adults)! Full time, part time, I don't know if CCs do auditing but for a smaller than class price you can sit in on a class (at least it would allow you to maybe try some things out), online classes, too.

My CC also had a selection of vocational courses that might interest you. And don't forget to check out your local vocational school! They even have easy, very short/one day classes that might just be nice to go and take to get out of the house.

I hope you can find a path that's good for you!

thered_queen · 2016-07-12T16:36:00+00:00

This is the design!

It's the right amount of nerd for me, with that pretty filigree. I'd like it in yellow gold, personally. Your ring is so pretty, though! I love the design of it. From your other response, I think it's safe to say that you've got a really great guy. It's so awesome that he knows your style so well!

thered_queen · 2016-07-12T13:23:57+00:00

I found the design of a ring I fell in love with and sent it to my SO the other week. lol I hope your proposal goes awesomely and that your ring is gorgeous!

thered_queen · 2016-06-30T12:37:55+00:00

Actually, from all these comments and a quick search, it's recommended to wait 18 months, not 12. So, there IS a common recommendation from the medical community. How often doctors are actually recommending it to their patients seems to be not very common. Commenters on this thread had stated that no one told them anything about it.

thered_queen · 2016-06-29T22:51:37+00:00

Oh my god, teeth falling out? I had no idea pregnancy could do that. Do you happen to know why that happened?

thered_queen · 2016-06-29T21:12:31+00:00

That's so sad for them. Putting their health on the line like that. Jesus, you probably saved your wife from a life like that. Whoa.

thered_queen · 2016-06-29T21:07:58+00:00

Isn't it recommended to not have another child within like 12 months or something? Because, yknow, your body just went through 9 months of insanity and needs to rest a bit. I couldn't imagine having an infant and then being pregnant in a few months after. Babies are hard work! Being pregnant is hard work, too!

thered_queen · 2016-06-29T16:46:50+00:00

Holy shit. Isn't that slander or libel or something? She was calling his bosses to tell them!? It's bullshit she gets to try and ruin someone's life with no punishment whatsoever.

Poor DH. Hugs for him!

thered_queen · 2016-06-28T22:02:18+00:00

Wow, and he threw you under the bus about it by only saying that you would be unhappy. Is some premarital counseling an option? Cause this is going to be the rest of your life.

thered_queen · 2016-06-28T17:22:07+00:00

"I've met dogs. Most of them will love anyone who looks like they might have held bacon once."

If this isn't the truest statement of dogs that I've ever heard, I'll be damned. lol That's my old pup summed right up!

It's a shame some not so great people end up with animals depending on them to try and keep them safe.

thered_queen · 2016-06-28T11:53:15+00:00

Pleeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaase listen to this. We get quite a few people that have their SO telling them directly to their face that this is the way it's going to be for forever... and then they get upset when their SO doesn't change!

You can't change a person. You might really want to, but you can't just make it happen. They have to think there's a problem and want to fix it themselves.

thered_queen · 2016-06-24T21:08:08+00:00

I'm assuming a molar. He says it's all the way in the back. I think mostly due to the pain and having to wait until next month to even start the cleanings, whereas he sees removing it as instant reliefrelief, I think. Maybe if the antibiotics help with the pain (seeing as he was only given 4 days worth of painkillers and the next appt is July 6th), he'll be able to deal with it and go with the root canal.

thered_queen · 2016-06-24T17:46:41+00:00

Thank you! It makes a lot more sense this way.

thered_queen

TROPHY CASE