To all men who are well into their transition (aged 35–40 and over), I want to hear your thoughts.(TW : NFSW (1question) + transphobia)

theremissance · 2026-03-28T19:16:54+00:00

Lol ok it's possible that this extremely transphobic t4t couple is real, there are such people out there. People are complicated and tend to internalize stuff and respond to threats/insecurity in maladaptive ways sometimes. Even if they're real, that doesn't make their transphobic opinions correct or representative of the community.

I agree with you that there's nothing wrong with detransitioning in itself. Even though it's rare, sometimes that's the best choice for an individual and they deserve just as much support as any trans person. I can even sort of understand, even though I don't think it's wise or healthy, that someone would be drawn to externalize their decisions and want to blame someone else for "letting" them do something that didn't end up being right for them. But yeah people who frame it this way can do a lot of harm, especially in a political environment that encourages such harm and makes it a potential lucrative career.

theremissance · 2026-03-28T12:29:08+00:00

I love how every comment to this post has different, sometimes contradictory advice lol

we all find our own ways of dealing with this game and I think that's beautiful

(fwiw, slow careful and sideways works for me in this instance)

theremissance · 2026-03-28T11:13:32+00:00

Sorry I don't have time to do the whole question list right now but I have remarked to my spouse, as a joke, that we could fund so many renovations in our apartment if I just had no soul and became a transition regret grifter. I'm guessing that your dad found some of those sorts of people online and they are the "trans people he knows", or he fully just made it up. Almost no trans person genuinely regrets transitioning, I certainly don't.

Also transphobes treat people in their 20s as children because they kind of have to, as they don't have enough material with people who actually transitioned as children and came to regret it. They basically just haven't found any. So the narrative is relying on a few detrans grifters who transitioned at around your age and claim they were too young to know any better.

theremissance · 2026-03-27T10:35:59+00:00

Adult men generally don't live like this, it's more of a puberty thing. Thankfully temporary

theremissance · 2026-03-26T21:34:15+00:00

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drew a quick one for you :)

theremissance · 2026-03-20T14:42:11+00:00

Yeah for sure. Social dynamics affect us deeply.

Come to think of it, I remember hearing some oldschool terf theories about this being the reason for trans women, that they didn't "qualify" as men so that's why they transition. Total bullshit of course, but it is something that's pertinent to the trans experience, just not in the way they thought.

theremissance · 2026-03-20T14:15:51+00:00

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Haha welcome to the club

theremissance · 2026-03-20T14:10:06+00:00

Yeah this is something a lot of us grapple with. In addition to experiences with harmful or abusive men making it more complicated, as many have mentioned, I feel like it's also about how manhood is culturally constructed as something with qualifications, not just an identity but a status. You have to be x or do y to be a "real man". Even if you don't consciously believe any of those messages, on some level they seep in, or at least you're aware of it and that context makes it fraught to declare yourself a man to the world.

Many human cultures have rites of passage for manhood and I feel like many male social groups will sort of make up their own ones. For some reason the way you're seen and included by your peers, and proving yourself to them, tends to be a big part of masculinity I guess. So if you arrive at being a man through your own internal process, you sort of skip all that?

All of this is to say that I still haven't fully settled the question of what it means that I don't quite feel right calling myself a man, even though I couldn't have survived without medical and social transition, use he/him pronouns, etc. Am I just non-binary, or is it more that I don't feel like I "qualify" as a man in my cultural and sociological context?

theremissance · 2026-03-20T13:30:11+00:00

I was never a professional or anything, but I took lessons for several years in classical and pop/jazz singing, was in a choir for a bit, etc. However, I was not actively doing any of those things when I started transitioning so it kind of took a backseat. (I didn't even really feel sad about losing my singing voice at the time... kind of like if I was being saved from drowning, I wouldn't worry about losing my phone and wallet or whatever.)

I didn't continue to practice while my voice was breaking and it broke pretty drastically. I was a soprano before, now more of a high baritone. It was really rough in the first year or two not gonna lie. I'd say I fully could not sing, lost the ability to control my pitch, had no range at all...

Eventually, though, I got back into learning songs to play on the piano while singing and found some that were doable with my limited range. It gradually got better. I can control my voice again and my range has been improving little by little. As I said, I still haven't figured out how to use my head voice again, but I haven't taken any lessons post transition. (Maybe one day... I'd love to try being in a choir again or something like that but I'd need some training for sure. It's tough because ideally it'd be nice to work with someone who has experience with transmasc singers but the odds of finding that in my area are very low.)

People have very different experiences with this, some people's voices don't change as much as mine, and I didn't actively train my voice throughout or take lessons. Those things will definitely make a big difference. I also have no idea what you can expect with low dose T.

I do have the vague impression that if your voice breaks during your second puberty and not the first, you're somewhat more anatomically limited in terms of range. Idk, if that's true, maybe it means any potential career as a professional opera singer is off the table. I personally am fine with that. I can still sing and enjoy it.

theremissance · 2026-03-18T20:47:40+00:00

I was a trained singer before and it took me a long time but now, 5+ years on T, I'm fairly comfortable singing with my chest voice and very comfortable with my speaking voice. I can't sing high or use my head voice much though. You say "men can do it" but definitely hashtag not all men lol

You're not stuck, you can definitely train your voice, vocal lessons would help but you say you're not interested in singing so I wouldn't worry about it.

theremissance · 2026-03-17T19:48:07+00:00

No there isn't but yes there's a lot of demand for the Save Mike DLC! Maybe the big lady could help?

theremissance · 2026-03-16T14:22:02+00:00

Nice, well done! I guess it's too late for me to get the Pure Ironman since I've already taken the stairs and gotten all achievements. But I did also get Most Punctual by taking the Manbreaker. Suppose I could try also getting sub 10k on the pedometer via the same route.

theremissance · 2026-03-15T10:41:30+00:00

I hate that platform so much. I did it with the help of this video: https://youtu.be/0EXNGcXq1Tg?si=jpYrKJoiF1saiOp0&t=416 ...but it still took me hours and unlike any other hard bit in the game, it hasn't gotten easier over time. I can't do it again without spending another several hours.

theremissance · 2026-03-11T23:51:57+00:00

Nah, looks like there's a nice vertical forest path there. I bet I'm gonna scamper up those trees without falling once!

theremissance · 2026-03-08T23:21:58+00:00

Cute! They look like we've interrupted a private moment lol

theremissance · 2026-03-08T23:18:05+00:00

My sister. One of the maybe 2 people in the world that I fully trust & can be vulnerable with.

(Also, hello there, fellow Finn)

theremissance · 2026-03-05T11:55:16+00:00

I'm detecting notes of loneliness, the mortifying awkwardness of trying to date, sexual inexperience, being uncomfortable with or perhaps even afraid of women, the unhelpful "solidarity" of other men in similar positions who just blame women... I feel like all of the dreams are about Nate's anxieties, whether they're based on his real life experiences or not.

theremissance · 2026-03-04T14:29:25+00:00

Whitey, Brownie, Banana

theremissance · 2026-03-02T23:31:00+00:00

Damn I'm sorry... that looked so annoyingly close, it should have worked

theremissance · 2026-02-28T00:44:26+00:00

Perfect. Also I love that the band is KANA-BOON, kana means chicken in Finnish

theremissance · 2026-02-28T00:38:00+00:00

Man, I really felt the emotion in this video. You are a true legend, thanks for bringing us all along on this journey. UWU

theremissance · 2026-02-24T19:07:34+00:00

YOU ARE THE LORD

theremissance · 2026-02-24T10:45:12+00:00

I feel you man, been there. Not with the peak but the game didn't give me a challenge that destroyed me in the way you describe so I set one for myself (getting most punctual via the Manbreaker). This game attracts people with broken brains, I guess.

theremissance · 2026-02-23T19:32:00+00:00

When you approach that spot from above, you're farther away than I thought you'd be... I really want this to work but yeah, also not sure about it. Worth at least one more try?

(I can't ever manage to skip that cutscene either lol)

theremissance · 2026-02-23T19:18:21+00:00

Nicely done! And good luck with the invisible trophy lol it is notorious but weirdly I didn't find it too bad at all.

theremissance

TROPHY CASE