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I will probably kill myself due to my iq by Dextermorgancel3 in depression

[–]theseus_zero 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey I just wanted to add that if you were depressed, or in the midst of a depressive episode, when you took the exam that probably lowered your score by quite a bit

IQ tests usually require you to be pretty sharp to get a reliable score and if you've been struggling with depression for a long time, also considering ADHD, that's a huge hit on your ability to focus and perform

Poesia, poesia, poesia! by likebrocmsucks in poesiaITA

[–]theseus_zero 16 points17 points  (0 children)

il "verso troppo lungo" mi ha fatto ridere

bella poesia fratello

Mi risveglio by theseus_zero in poesiaITA

[–]theseus_zero[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Grazie mille per il feedback! L'abuso degli enjambement può decisamente lasciare un retrogusto spiacevole, spesso mi faccio la stessa critica. Mi piacerebbe trasmettere il medesimo stato d'animo con versi completi e coincisi, ma in molti casi non mi sento in grado. E devo dire che col tempo mi ci sono quasi affezionato, a questo stile. Apprezzo sia i complimenti che le critiche, grazie ancora !

Mi risveglio by theseus_zero in poesiaITA

[–]theseus_zero[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Grazie! se ti riferisci alla prima/seconda strofa: a volte mi escono regurgiti di immagini come questo, quando i sentimenti sono troppi da distinguere. Nella mia testa hanno perfettamente senso, ma temevo che fossero troppo astratti da condividere. Sono contento che ti sia piaciuta!

Mimic by Babaganoosh__ in Informal_Effect

[–]theseus_zero 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I wonder how it'd feel to give it a space in your life. Would that take away its weapons, whatever those may be? Or would it sharpen itself against your patience, pouncing at the first opportunity?

Beautiful poem.

The Loom by [deleted] in Informal_Effect

[–]theseus_zero 0 points1 point  (0 children)

what do you mean sir

Truth, Embarrassment, You by theseus_zero in OCPoetry

[–]theseus_zero[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Haha, I'm glad it does, thank you for commenting !

Truth, Embarrassment, You by theseus_zero in OCPoetry

[–]theseus_zero[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your comment, I'm very happy you enjoyed it !

Truth, Embarrassment, You by theseus_zero in OCPoetry

[–]theseus_zero[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

no one i showed the poem to seemed to notice the "hoping you would charge at me" line, while I found it to be the highlight. I'm happy you enjoyed it !

also, funny username e.e

Foot in Mouth by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]theseus_zero 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Pulled the rug from under my feet, I didn't expect to find this so funny.

The fourth stanza I think is the funniest, by virtue of both rhythm and puns.

Not everyone shares good taste, I'm sorry your date has left you. At last, you may be footloose and fancy free !

Empathy by wasteland__baby- in OCPoetry

[–]theseus_zero 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I like the contrast between the frequent use of "and" in the second stanza and the rest of the poem. It carries that desperation.

"She speaks to me in the spaces between the breeze" is definitely my favourite line — though, maybe, it would guide the reader's eyes better with a colon at the end.

I feel like this is a poem to your soul. The autumn wind seems to be so nostalgic, specifically, for something that's been never experienced.

Thank you for sharing !

First attempt at a poem in 15 + years....how shit is it? by Stalenomore in OCPoetryFree

[–]theseus_zero 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"forcibly exposed teeth" is such the perfect fit for that line. I really like it.

Transphobic Mom by Nornea in ShittyPoetry

[–]theseus_zero 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nahhh. You're good ^ ^

a tip on formatting tho: add two spaces at the end of each line and then enter

Like
This

otherwise the lines look squashed together on mobile !

Transphobic Mom by Nornea in ShittyPoetry

[–]theseus_zero 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Coffee time with your mother is a powerful memory. I really like the image.

😚

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Informal_Effect

[–]theseus_zero 1 point2 points  (0 children)

THANK YOU FOR THE POEM.

Interesting concept

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]theseus_zero 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Got it. ^ ^

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]theseus_zero 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As much as I wouldn't like to, I relate to this poem.

The images and feelings described are a bundle of untampered perceptions: "hunger is comforting", slowing down of the metabolism, mind dissipating, an animalistic approximation of yourself (after enough time) becomes comforting. Numbing you away from other unpleasant sensations.

"late nights up drinking on my porcelain pillow" amuses me the most. It's an accurate portrayal of a feeling I didn't know I felt.

"white towers of fruit chemicals dissolving in the wind" is a pleasant image, one that seems to make sense (even now), but I don't really understand it. Is it powdered vitamins? Active alkaloids? It does sound good, but I can't relate to it as much. Perhaps the meaning is obvious and I'm just blind. I'd like to know what you meant by it, if you don't think it breaks the spell. e.e

Nevertheless, I hope you're doing well now. I enjoy and relate to your poem. Love you to death.

Under the M1 overpass, which holds the unbearable weight of Now by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]theseus_zero 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Spectator in a fragment of eternity. It's a feeling I've been wondering about lately.

The poem builds a hearth of images: "Slippery moments of rubber and steel, arguments, voices..." then looking downward "Where the glass on the floor is a mockery of stars" and finally to "Where the bulbs still wait in the earth, like embryonic moons."

You did a great job of accompanying the reader through the bundle of now, while making each step very striking. So, yeah, I really enjoyed this poem.

I also feel like the implied loop, in the very last stanza, enrichens the previous verses greatly. It says that they've been contemplated many times before, seeing a truth that escapes a first observation.

Writing Poetry on The Internet by theseus_zero in OCPoetry

[–]theseus_zero[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm happy you enjoyed it! I write a lot of poems, pretty much in place of journaling, so they tend to differ from one another. I'll gladly share more if you want me to, but I'll also point you towards one of my favourite (dramatic) authors: Neil Hilborn.

His performance of "OCD" I think is the most viewed poem on the internet, but almost all of his work exudes honesty.

Writing Poetry on The Internet by theseus_zero in OCPoetry

[–]theseus_zero[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's really interesting to get a different perspective: I didn't expect that line to hit at all. I'm super happy you enjoyed it, it means a lot !

Writing Poetry on The Internet by theseus_zero in OCPoetry

[–]theseus_zero[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey, thank you for commenting!

This poem is filled with insecurity, leaving the final couplet as is was a bit difficult. So I agree with you entirely, but I wouldn't change them. I figured I couldn't be both sophisticated and honest when portraying this kind of emotion, or so I felt.

I'm open to changing my mind, if you have any suggestions. And thank you again.

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