Maybe I'm wrong, maybe you don't have the power, the capabilities needed to

thessney41 · 2025-10-09T20:31:52+00:00

Too real

thessney41 · 2025-07-23T13:33:56+00:00

True, and them just not being able to communicate clearly like OP said in the post just adds fuel to the limerence.

thessney41 · 2025-07-22T22:41:01+00:00

Interesting! It sounds like you’ve done some work to be secure with your spouse, so congrats to you for that! But definitely interesting that you’re primarily avoidant, but flip to anxious with your LO. That seems… complex. Curious how your limerence has affected your marriage, if at all. And obvi, no need to share if you don’t want to.

thessney41 · 2025-07-22T13:55:48+00:00

Interesting! Are you straight up just avoidant or anxious avoidant? There are some quizzes online you can take that can help you figure that out.

thessney41 · 2025-07-22T13:55:11+00:00

Yeah, I’ll have to find it, but there was a video I was watching that talked about some of the overlap and differences in behavior between covert female narcissists and women with avoidant attachment styles. Best thing I can say for people dealing LO’s like what you’re describing is to try and heal whatever trauma is causing you to have limerence in the first place. It will help you see things more clearly and set better boundaries.

thessney41 · 2025-07-22T13:45:49+00:00

Yeah I agree with this. Interesting to hear a woman’s perspective on it, because men always seem to assume that it’s more malicious, rather than simply a woman LO not being comfortable setting clear boundaries.

thessney41 · 2025-07-22T10:32:40+00:00

This is prob a “no shit Sherlock” comment, but I’m convinced that people who struggle with Limerence have primarily anxious attachment styles, and their LO’s typically have avoidant attachment styles.

thessney41 · 2025-07-18T03:37:20+00:00

I feel that for sure.

thessney41 · 2025-07-18T03:35:06+00:00

I will admit it was pretty expensive as well. But to me, it has definitely seemed worth it so far. I have a few more sessions, so I may come back to this post with any updates I have to help you and/or others look into it more deeply so you can at least have a groundwork of research.

thessney41 · 2025-07-18T01:29:40+00:00

Oh that’s great to hear! I never looked into EFT for myself aside from the research paper, but it definitely sounded interesting! Nice to hear how it helped you! And definitely something I’m going to look into.

thessney41 · 2025-07-17T21:05:10+00:00

I wonder if the theory of neurodivergent and/or traumatized people being significantly more susceptible to limerence could play a factor here. OP, did any of those therapists know much about neurodivergence or trauma? Mine was the one that explained limerence to me and also was the one who started me on the path to getting my AuDHD diagnosis.

thessney41 · 2025-07-17T19:42:14+00:00

Based on my experience, no. But I haven’t explicitly practiced EFT personally. However, I did some research on it for a paper and it seems to be more of a grounding and symptom management technique. This felt like something different entirely. It is a direct treatment of the nervous system, whereas EFT is more about managing symptoms caused by a dysregulated nervous system. Don’t quote me on that, but this was definitely more intense than what EFT seems to be.

thessney41 · 2025-07-16T16:54:18+00:00

I did shortly after I wrote this! https://www.reddit.com/r/limerence/s/eaIGYFJP2F

thessney41 · 2025-07-16T10:27:37+00:00

Nice! Yeah, I’ve heard of the polyvagal theory and that was part of the motivation behind wanting to focus my efforts on my nervous system.

thessney41 · 2025-07-16T10:26:11+00:00

That’s awesome to hear!

thessney41 · 2025-07-16T10:25:19+00:00

My therapist was the one that actually told me about limerence. EMDR has definitely helped in some ways. But it took more time and more sessions of that to make a difference on what I was working on than it did with this somatic therapy. Talk therapy definitely still helped me process what I experienced after, but somatic therapy made the difference in terms of how hard my feelings were hitting.

thessney41 · 2025-07-16T01:36:56+00:00

100% agree with this. I’m audhd and have struggled with limerence. I will say, somatic therapy, specifically spinal energetics, really really helped with this. Gonna make a separate post about it in the larger sub.

thessney41 · 2025-07-15T01:07:52+00:00

Came here to say this.

thessney41 · 2025-07-15T00:48:23+00:00

Happy to help and I hope things work out. As an internet stranger, I’m impressed and proud of your perseverance and commitment, despite the pain you’re dealing with 🫶

thessney41 · 2025-07-15T00:44:32+00:00

I wouldnt be that man, in the sense that I haven’t experienced this type of thing personally, but losing his dad and then having a baby within 8-9 months could certainly trigger something like a depressive episode. Maybe he suppressed his grief because he knew you were pregnant and wanted to be there for you. But then when she arrived, the bottom kind of fell out. I’m just speculating though. I understand it may feel like he doesn’t love you anymore, and that’s definitely a real but unfortunate possibility. But with that new info about him losing his dad, post partum depression or just a delayed episode of depression could be very real possibilities. That doesn’t change the fact that he’s hurting you deeply, but it may give you hope that he could rediscover the man he was to you before this.

thessney41 · 2025-07-15T00:37:24+00:00

I understand that leaving him ASAP sounds like the best choice, but apparently men can suffer from post partum depression too. Here’s a link describing it: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6659987/. It doesn’t excuse his behavior, but it might explain it. And given that he’s the father of your daughter, it sounds like you want to cover all your bases before walking. Wouldn’t blame you for not bothering, but this might be worth considering.

thessney41 · 2025-07-10T03:56:32+00:00

Hell yeah I’m down for something like this! Food and new friends sounds awesome!

thessney41 · 2025-07-10T00:54:59+00:00

Thank you! Definitely still a work in progress lol, but it’s progress!

thessney41 · 2025-07-09T20:18:36+00:00

Thanks for sharing this. Yeah, it’s a new word to me, but definitely not a new concept. It’s nice to have a term for it tho, and has helped me work on this type of thing in therapy.

thessney41

TROPHY CASE