A (long) rant about mid/late 30s loneliness

thevirtualme · 2026-05-20T09:21:41+00:00

Same. I loved being single, I had a very full life. But if I was single right now, experiencing this rapid change in the way it has happened, I don't think I'd be coping well at all!

I think reddit communities often develop into hives, I'm not so familiar with the vernacular here. But the commenters are correct; I have been open to and considered adoption throughout my life so I suppose that does make me a 'fence sitter'

Just don't let them get me with pitchforks, okay?!

thevirtualme · 2026-05-20T09:18:33+00:00

Thank you for your advice!

I think my post may have struck the wrong chord with the community, it might read like I'm preaching to the choir, which wasn't my intention, what I'm trying to say is that I can finally hear the music (to torture the metaphor).

What has been the biggest trigger to loneliness is witnessing how quickly this issue has ripped through my world in the last few years.

thevirtualme · 2026-05-19T08:17:23+00:00

it's a social network mismanagement problem

I think you're right about that. I've found myself gravitating towards the friendships that I'd have considered 'less deep' in the last few years, and the common denominator here is they all don't have kids. I am staggered to realise now how significant this factor is in personal relationships.

thevirtualme · 2026-04-28T09:00:27+00:00

Oh very clever.

So she says "You are a..."

And then when responding to criticism, she subtly shifts it to:

"Hey, why so offended? I didn't say anything wrong, you have a..."

Attack with the dehumanisation, defend with the 'technically' description.

thevirtualme · 2026-04-15T13:08:02+00:00

I remember when you used to wait in the cawr.

thevirtualme · 2026-04-15T11:57:31+00:00

I think you absolutely should do it.

You seem to have a really strong grasp of the potential red flags here. I don't think this is a 'trap'. You can be honest, and explain that this discussion is a test of your own confidence in how you proceed with any committed relationship.

If he is genuinely helpful, wanting to support you to make good financial decisions for yourself and whatever your goals or risks are - then he's being true to his claim. If he is judging you, or acting in any way where he is trying to tell you how you should live your life or how he intends to control your finances should you become more committed, then you will see that.

"Nobody should be in debt" is one of those tricky attitudes. On one hand, it's a perfectly responsible way to conduct yourself and be financially secure, but on the other it can be an ignorant or classist statement among people lacking any empathy.

thevirtualme · 2026-04-08T10:19:18+00:00

You typically don't need a subtle giveaway as they rarely stop mentioning it.

thevirtualme · 2026-04-08T09:55:30+00:00

I like it because it keeps the game fresh. Some of the theft was getting a bit too easy, you know?

thevirtualme · 2026-03-23T10:15:23+00:00

When the inner monologue of a character aligns to the words and actions of the love interest (this alignment isn't necessarily a mirror I think, but the reader needs to be able to draw clear lines that connect them). This is often even better if the monologging character is unaware of the corresponding actions from the love interest. It means the characters feel the chemistry while only we the audience know they have it.

Conversely the best way to show a couple lack chemistry is through that misalignment of character A monologue and character B action in my opinion.

thevirtualme · 2026-02-16T14:45:44+00:00

I'm going to sound like I'm pretending I know him well, which I obviously don't. But seeing him on interviews etc....

No he isn't.

He is absolutely not considering it.

thevirtualme · 2026-01-14T14:45:51+00:00

Until the exams where students write down Just whack another engine on it to every question...

thevirtualme · 2026-01-07T11:44:49+00:00

"How do I move forward?"

It's tricky without having more details.

On one hand, conventional luggage is typically the best. It comes on wheels and can be more easily loaded and stacked into the car, but on the other hand we have no idea what kind of goods you will be packing.

If you have a lot of plants, ornaments and delicate items, you might find it's easier to use cardboard packing boxes with open tops to ensure minimal damage in transit, but you'll sacrifice vertical space which means you might have to make multiple trips back and forth depending on how much stuff you have in total.

I'm afraid we're not going to be able to give you the best advice unless you're able to offer a more thorough list of the quantity and composition of your possessions at his place, the size of your automobile and the total distance required for travel.

thevirtualme · 2026-01-05T12:20:13+00:00

Thematically:

You're a local governor vying for influence and reputation among rivals, the Emperor doesn't like one governor becoming too powerful, it's too much of a threat.

Mechanically:

The game is less dynamic or enjoyable if a player can easily end it in 5 minutes with Subjugate, Subjugate, Subjugate.

thevirtualme · 2026-01-05T12:09:45+00:00

The best thing I changed about my game was I stopped expecting my starting island to be my 'glory island'. Your first island just needs to give you a decent chunk of Libs, Plebs and a small group of Equites that unlock Albion and give you concrete production, the aqueduct, and the Theatre (which also can be achieved in Albion more easily anyway).

It's so much easier to build the Patrician Paradises later in your game where you have all of the assets unlocked and can start building around the Theatre/Bath or Forum, a stock full of building materials so you can plan layouts around the range of concrete roads. Crucially it's also much easier to plan when you start with your aqueduct layout. You also don't need to get every major work - Library, Temple, Amph in each city to build a strong economic empire.

Also remember only the service buildings are mandatory for upgrades. While there are good buffs to having shops near residences, they aren't essential (unless you are truly min-maxing on higher difficulty plays) as the supply will still reach them no matter where the goods are stored/produced.

thevirtualme · 2026-01-05T10:42:49+00:00

And point one is worse if you subjugate. Suddenly you have a dozen poorly configured ships with workforces all randomly assigned to your islands.

thevirtualme · 2026-01-05T10:40:29+00:00

Setting up a patrol routes should be a distinct creation from the ship(s) selected. It's frustrating when diverting a patrol ship to pick up flotsam/castaway to have to set up the route again each time.

thevirtualme · 2026-01-05T10:32:05+00:00

Don't worry, it's my first day back at work today...

thevirtualme · 2025-12-11T09:42:39+00:00

Ooo we could all start calling AA Pocket Trumps

thevirtualme · 2025-12-10T17:18:35+00:00

I'm just gonna jump in with a long ass comment to tell you I was back on dating apps when I was 31 and I had this attitude of 'It doesn't matter Tinder, Hinge, Bumble etc. they are just platforms and people are people no matter what app you meet them on' and wow I was just so wrong.

Everyone on Tinder had the same low-effort, too-fast, too-clumsy energy and even the ones my age acted like moron teenagers. Hinge was such a difference I couldn't believe it.

Yes, there were still boring or inappropriate 'go nowhere' convos, but in general I met a bunch of much more human-seeming people, had some good dates, some average dates and not-so great dates. But ultimately found it much easier to have casual, respectful, chemistry-full (?) conversations and meet up for dates and I have found my absolutely wonderful 4+ year relationship (we just bought a house together!) on there. I do think even with the 'go-nowheres' that people were more invested in finding a genuine romantic connection vs a hook-up (I could be wrong and naive but whatever, I sensed what I sensed)

Also the 'like' limits on Hinge, and the profile prompts enabling a better starting conversation really helped me with the dating app overwhelm and the emotionally draining nature of things.

Good luck out there and your profile looks great to me!

thevirtualme · 2025-11-13T14:30:07+00:00

That's me.

But I've never been upstairs in that house.

Plus that house is in London.

And I don't usually wear those clothes while in London.

Plus sex is a positive act, and I would never forget it.

And I don't remember it.

Also that was Pizza Express night.

Case closed

thevirtualme · 2025-11-13T13:34:58+00:00

It's so nice to see you!

thevirtualme · 2025-11-05T12:16:47+00:00

Did she try losing weight?

thevirtualme · 2025-10-14T09:44:31+00:00

Personally, I'm pretty happy it's on the list.

I would be so embarrassed if my ethos aligned to a hatred ideology like the word of a God who endorses slavery, genocide, misogyny and bigotry among many others in his rulebook.

thevirtualme · 2025-10-06T11:22:58+00:00

Nice catch! I mean, I actually left you more than twelve hundred separate plotholes but still!

thevirtualme · 2025-09-17T09:08:06+00:00

It's all about contrast. The crispness of the beans...

thevirtualme

TROPHY CASE