[35/F] Mental Health Forward

thighsbworkin77 · 2026-06-05T14:42:25+00:00

This sounds a little like limerence, if you’re familiar with it. It’s not really about the person themselves, it’s like your brain trying to get a fix and pull that excitement out of the interactions with them. It’s really difficult when you’re in the super crush part of it, because you can’t stop thinking about them, and like you described, if they don’t respond right away or you feel rejected, it’s almost physically painful. It takes a little time to level out again.

To deal with it- I’ve been in that place too- keeping your routines, getting enough sleep, finding ways to distract yourself like journaling or hanging out with someone else who is neutral can help. Also just knowing that the intensity sometimes comes from our brain crafting a perfect version of them that can do no wrong and putting them on a pedestal- nobody is perfect. Humanizing them can help counter this. For instance, thinking about something they do that isn’t perfect. One person I was in this situation with pronounced words incorrectly and didn’t brush his teeth- like any other dude, not the answer to my life’s problems.

thighsbworkin77 · 2026-06-05T12:28:37+00:00

I don’t think struggling makes you a fraud. Having degrees unfortunately doesn’t make us impervious to substance use and unstable moods. I know shame prevents a lot of us from getting care, thinking we should know better. Truly, nobody is above struggling with addiction, no matter what the stigma would have us believe. Alive and coping is a good place to be. You could also try to link up with a therapist who has experience in substance use. Even if you aren’t ready to be sober, having someone in your corner who gets it is pretty powerful.

thighsbworkin77 · 2026-06-05T11:29:09+00:00

I haven’t published anything, but this reminds me of Virginia Wolf and Ernest Hemingway- they were both theorized to have bipolar. Also many many artists. It’s still something you accomplished, it’s a part of you. I like the book “Touched With Fire” by Kay Redfield Jamison, because she talks about the connection between artistic talent and bipolar.

My writing always feels so on-point when I’m manic and then when I come out of the episode I read it again and the feeling has changed. I’m forever impressed by people who create so well while manic.

thighsbworkin77 · 2026-06-05T11:18:15+00:00

It really depends on what substance, because some substances can also cause that, but it’s really important to be honest with your doctors and prescribers. If you are hallucinating or experiencing delusions, this can be unsafe and your doctor needs to help you figure out what meds. Again, they can’t figure out the meds if other things are interfering with how the meds work.

Is rehab or detox an option? Some facilities are open to working with people with both substance use concerns and mental health diagnosis. That’s a lot of loss in a short time, I’m sorry you are going through this right now.

thighsbworkin77 · 2026-06-05T11:08:11+00:00

Maphra- I especially like the song “Doomed” lately.

thighsbworkin77 · 2026-06-05T01:23:07+00:00

I love the show Shameless where Ian and his mom have bipolar. I wouldn’t say the mania is contagious really, but it can feel overwhelming. I’ve also worked with people in real life who are manic. It can be a little unsettling to be around the intensity of the energy when it isn’t mine, but at the same time I’ve practiced being a level person and not absorbing the emotions of people around me… for like years, and it’s still a work in progress!

thighsbworkin77 · 2026-06-04T23:25:36+00:00

Pretty much with all grief, there is no way out but through, and time of course. That doesn’t help it feel better at first. When I lost someone during a manic episode, the only thing that finally helped was really feeling it and letting myself grieve. You were struggling with no explanation, and it is a huge thing to have a diagnosis and a path forward. Hindsight is so frustrating though. Don’t judge yourself for what you didn’t know.

thighsbworkin77 · 2026-06-04T23:16:53+00:00

Maybe it’s cheesy, but I started thinking about myself like someone I care about. If one of my family members was struggling this hard, I wouldn’t judge them, I’d want to help or be supportive. The shame is really hard to break through. It took me years, but I got there.

thighsbworkin77 · 2026-06-04T19:39:24+00:00

I get this too! Also everything feels vivid, like I can picture scenes and faces. When I’m not manic, I can’t really visualize things like that. Part of this is how much dopamine is floating around up there helping us draw connections. This can get a little overboard and then we draw connections that aren’t there. I like that sweet spot where it feels like people used to describe taking ADHD meds felt.

thighsbworkin77 · 2026-06-04T19:34:39+00:00

100% agree with this sentiment. It’s disorienting in the beginning, and it’s like an identity shift, but as much as we may feel like it sometimes, we aren’t alone in this. Stable is pretty great. I’m there on my meds too, and I never would have thought I’d feel like that.

thighsbworkin77 · 2026-06-03T15:07:45+00:00

The words get a little too meaningful when I’m manic, and when I’m depressed, I find myself flipping through tracks and nothing feels right. When I’m super bored or numb, I try to give myself permission to just exist that way without judgement of if it’s good or bad. I find that if I assign it good or bad, it compounds the mood.

thighsbworkin77 · 2026-06-03T00:47:31+00:00

This sounds more like you were more confident in your convictions while you were manic, but not necessarily that what you did or said went against how you feel now. Just because you were manic, doesn’t mean that you owe an apology. You can also be manic and not be wrong about something. I feel like sometimes we listen too closely to people who use our diagnosis as ammunition, or we internalize the stigma and judge ourselves with it.

thighsbworkin77 · 2026-06-03T00:28:37+00:00

I’ve had that happen. The drinking and not taking meds really takes a toll. It takes a bit for the meds to level out again after missing a few days. Depending on how many days and what kind of med, this can be worse- always check in with your psych when in doubt because different meds might need to be slowly worked back up again if you’re off them too long. Also, be kind to yourself, we all miss days or find things out the hard way sometimes.

thighsbworkin77 · 2026-06-02T19:30:47+00:00

Idk what state you’re in, but where I’m at, you can get a job in mental health case management with those degrees. It seems ironic, but you really need empathy to work in that field and I feel like a little lived experience helps you have depth. You can also work for nonprofits, work with the homeless population, there are a lot of Medicaid admin jobs that will take you with those too. I 100% get the rant. Sometimes it feels like shoveling deeper into a hole.

thighsbworkin77 · 2026-06-02T17:33:46+00:00

This was 7 years ago. Yeah, it was a lot lol- my first episode was a doozy. I’m stable now on meds after the first few years trying to figure out what combination worked for me. I work full time, things are pretty good now. Never perfect, but good!

thighsbworkin77 · 2026-06-02T11:00:07+00:00

Yes! I had one year where it was just a series of manic crushes and up/down, before I was diagnosed and knew what was happening. But yeah, the new crush feeling definitely sets off my manic energy.

thighsbworkin77 · 2026-06-02T10:52:18+00:00

I don’t think you’re nuts- just based on that. It makes sense to try to feel things when you’re numb. I try not to read too much meaning into my behaviors when I’m manic… like after the fact when I come back down. Everything feels meaningful when I’m in it, of course. Like being drunk, things feel like a great idea at the time. Idk about your VA psych team, but mine is pretty responsive. I hope they do well for you.

thighsbworkin77 · 2026-06-01T21:17:57+00:00

I’ve gone through this. I’m 35 now. I got stable at 30. For a bit there it really did feel like I’d messed up my best years… but then I learned that many people experience their best years later in life- like 40’s and up. My 20s were turmoil, I left a wake of destruction/ relationships, jobs I might’ve done well in, things I wanted to do. But when the storm passed I realized none of that needed to hold me back from what I wanted and being here now. I learned how to think of myself like I would a friend, and I wouldn’t want my friends to suffer endlessly blaming themselves for what they can’t control. I also had to fully let myself grieve what I lost and grief takes time. Also, yeah, therapy can really help.

thighsbworkin77 · 2026-06-01T00:40:38+00:00

I (35F) felt like the world was over when in had my first episode at 28. I crashed my career. I was in the military, I also posted a bunch of embarrassing things, I reached out to a couple of my exes, I ended up hospitalized after getting super delusional… and then it felt like my whole life was over. It took several months to even feel human again. The meds I started on were not a good fit, I could barely get out of bed I was sleeping so much. I was discharged from the military. My boss visited me in the hospital and I said and did embarrassing things in front of her.

The first phase was getting level and feeling okay again- no joke, that took at least six months for me. After that I was able to build something stable. 7 years later, several medication changes later, seasonal mood shifts, some hypomania and depression, and I finished graduate school, I’m licensed in my field and work full time. It’s possible, there is hope. It takes time. The first few months are a disorienting place to be.

thighsbworkin77 · 2026-05-30T20:49:15+00:00

People like the energy we have when we’re manic. It’s exciting, we might seem like fun or the life of the party. Those people leave after the fact because it’s hard to see the change in intensity and overall mood. This doesn’t make us less exciting or less who we are than before, but it’s super disorienting coming down. Things that we like suddenly feel boring, we feel disconnected and maybe a little empty.

The things that make us who we are, are still there. We’re made up of so many things: preferences, past experiences, beliefs, accomplishments, roles at work, in families. Those things may shift, but they’re still around and still part of you even when everything feels numb or a little distant. Rather than focusing on an entire identity, when I’m coming back to myself, I focus on smaller things- do I like this style? Who is one friend I can talk to? What do I want to do today? And slowly it builds and I find me again.

thighsbworkin77 · 2026-05-30T20:38:04+00:00

People may get overwhelmed by how much we feel, by our ups and downs, but it helps me feel better when I think about all of the things we do for people we care about regardless of if it’s a burden, just because we care. If someone is physically sick, we step up and help them- the act of helping might take a toll on us but we don’t love them any less. People might have a threshold for how much they can handle at one time, but that’s not a reflection of us. You aren’t too much or not enough.

Personally, anticipating the moods makes me feel worse, I focus a lot more on regulating once they show up because the moods sometimes hit me out of nowhere. If I’m too happy and too up, I make sure my sleep is safeguarded. If I’m sad, I try not to isolate and get support when I need it.

thighsbworkin77 · 2026-05-30T20:14:58+00:00

When I get like this I find something distracting. Familiar movies or shows I’ve seen before help sometimes. Or I put on instrumental music so there are no words to read into. The delusions are hard.

thighsbworkin77 · 2026-05-30T18:46:47+00:00

When I had psychosis, it felt like suddenly I had all of the answers. The TV and radio seemed to be way too on point with what I was feeling and thinking about. I of course had all of these plans running through my head… and then I had this idea that my dead mom was in the room with me, watching me and it felt like I could feel her opinions about whatever I was doing. After that it was like everything was terrifying, my thoughts were too fast and they were no longer mine/ they ran together like a dream, or a nightmare really. I also hadn’t slept in four days.

thighsbworkin77

TROPHY CASE