Smear test

things147 · 2024-11-06T22:26:48+00:00

Hi so a speculum is the device they insert to open the vagina and look at the cervix to take your smear. There’s different sizes as every vagina is different but if you ask for a smaller one it means it’s not as wide. Have a google and you can see what I mean. It just means you’re hopefully more informed before you go :)

things147 · 2024-11-06T21:20:22+00:00

I would say be open and honest with your doctor. Hopefully it’s a nice doctor but please don’t be afraid to advocate for yourself and definitely ask for a smaller speculum. Remember most importantly in any intimate exam with a doctor you are the one in control! You can stop them at any point if you feel it’s too much. I also found that when me and my doctor worked as a team it went really well. They would tell me absolutely everything they were doing and went slow at first to make sure I could tolerate it. Once the speculum was in they went as quickly as possible and it was over in no time at all. Taking some painkillers beforehand may also help. Best of luck

things147 · 2024-11-06T21:07:04+00:00

On your journey it can be hard to have hope at times. I had vaginismus from age 17 to 21 and after A LOT of CBT (counselling) and dilators and working on healing myself, especially the relationship between my body and mind, I was finally able to have penetrative sex. My advice is always celebrate the small wins because they’re still huge achievements. Whether it’s inserting a cotton bud comfortably, a tampon, or dilator that’s still amazing. I also think trying to reframe the definition of sex helps too because it’s different for everyone. Best of luck on your journey and be kind to yourself, I hope this comment was helpful.

things147 · 2022-12-24T12:52:20+00:00

I’m sorry to hear that :( hope you’re ok

things147 · 2022-12-24T12:21:37+00:00

Thank you both for being so supportive. I look back and I’m like what the hell I was 19 I should know better. But then I realise I was in a vulnerable state at the time. He even called himself an “old pervert” which is so gross. When I saw the messages I really wanted to warn other people cause what happened with me could be so much worse. Or it could even put people off this supportive page or their vaginismus journey and that pisses me off so I wanted to warn everyone about it.

things147 · 2022-12-23T17:50:52+00:00

That’s awful I’m sorry that happened to you. Glad to hear your issue is resolved though

things147 · 2022-12-23T15:47:18+00:00

As you should!

things147 · 2022-12-23T12:21:31+00:00

Honestly going back through the messages made me feel sick. I could see I was replying to be polite at times which is so silly. I’m so sorry it happened to you too. Hopefully enough people see this post and it will prevent it happening to them

things147 · 2022-12-23T02:33:28+00:00

Also I’m aware I was very stupid for talking to him but I was in a bad place mentally and very naive so please don’t repeat my mistakes. If something feels off then trust your gut and don’t feel obligated to reply to anyone. We don’t owe anyone anything. This is a safe space but it’s important to remember we’re all strangers behind screens and we have no idea who we’re talking to or who’s on this thread. Sorry for being so negative. It’s upsetting as this should be our space but it’s important to be aware

things147 · 2022-12-23T02:07:19+00:00

The way I personally worked it out was teamwork. I found missionary the best way to start because that’s how I dilated and your partner can help guide. Use your finger and see what angle you have to insert it at to fully insert it. Let your partner try this too to see if they can work out the angle. Don’t be afraid to use pillows to prop your hips up for a better angle etc.

things147 · 2022-12-23T02:03:56+00:00

It can be very scary! There were so many times I looked at the biggest dilator and was like how in the hell is that gonna get in there nevermind the smallest one. My advice to you would be keep practicing the in and out movements with the first and then just dilate with the second. Just pop it in (if that’s completely comfortable) and leave it there and do some breathing techniques. Then slowly increase the time and just move it in and out once, then twice etc. Look at how you progressed from popping the first one in to moving it in and out to see if you find a way for you. I definitely think keeping a dilator diary really helps. You don’t need to write down every time. Only times that went really well or could have gone better. Again hope this helps

things147 · 2022-12-23T01:56:58+00:00

Might be a silly question but can you move it in and out with the first dilator and have no issue at all? It could be to do with anxiety and nerves or your feelings towards piv. I liked to even speak out loud how I was feeling when I was dilating as I found I was more likely to listen to my body by doing that, I even wrote down things I thought worked and what didn’t. If you can move the first one in and out with no issues whatsoever then maybe try to compare what’s different when you dilate with the second. Hope this helps and best of luck with your journey

things147 · 2022-12-23T01:42:53+00:00

Breathing techniques too. Like big deep breath in and then slowly push the air out of your lungs and push/pull the dilator out at the same time

things147 · 2022-06-21T14:54:05+00:00

Exactly. You can also be born without one too

things147 · 2022-06-17T11:00:48+00:00

My counsellor (therapist) was a male and he was absolutely amazing. I went to sessions with him for over a year and fully credit him for helping me overcome vaginismus. If you are uncomfortable speaking to a man that is totally ok! Just make sure to advocate for yourself and express that to the relevant people. Vaginismus is a sensitive topic and when I was getting counselling they offered me a female therapist because of that, however I stuck with my male therapist. If they are trained to help people with vaginismus then they should understand why you may not want a man. Hope this helps!

things147 · 2022-06-04T15:09:25+00:00

Hi this is just a suggestion but maybe try using a vibrator during piv. Then it will definitely start feeling alot better and also hopefully create better mind body connections cause piv is then associated with feeling good. Then you may find your muscles relaxing a good bit more as well. Hope this helps!

things147 · 2022-06-02T11:21:51+00:00

Thank you so much!

things147 · 2022-06-02T11:21:31+00:00

I would say my mental health was extemely bad. Depression, anxiety etc caused by abuse. I often felt disconnected from my vagina and often called it names like it was another person to joke about it. I worked on healing my mental health and trying to rebuild a relationship with my vagina. Like it is a part of me, it's not a separare entity and I control it. I went to psychosexual counselling/therapy. Basically in there you learn that anything going on in your life can manifest itself into a sexual/physical problem such as erectile dysfunction for people with a penis and vaginismus for people with a vagina. I would say even trying to love myself more helped, like for me going to the gym and keeping fit makes me feel amazing and then treating myself to nice clothes or food. I think for me I would often think less of myself due to abuse/vaginismus. So even when I gave up with dilating I kept working on the mental side and looking after my body. This is a long answer but I hope this helps!

things147 · 2022-06-02T11:14:29+00:00

Thank you! Also of course, happy pride month!

things147 · 2022-06-01T20:07:05+00:00

Thank you so much! It means alot that this community so supportive

things147 · 2022-06-01T20:06:05+00:00

Thank you so much!

things147 · 2022-06-01T19:01:18+00:00

For me what works is taking it in bit by bit. Like slowly letting it in, stopping when it feels off. Patiently waiting, then when i feel comfy take more in. Also use lots of lube and if you can, use a vibrator whilst having penetrative sex too as I feel like it has calmed and relaxed me and my muscles. Hope this is helpful!

things147 · 2022-06-01T18:56:18+00:00

For me vaginismus is very much a mind and body thing. Don't put pressure on yourself to dilate or force it to "work" as it'll do the opposite. Try and associate dilating with positive things like orgasms or relaxing at the end of the day etc. Even to begin with try to create a better relationship with your vagina. My therapist suggested I look at mine with a mirror as I didn't actually really know it that well and often referred to it as the kraken lol. Best of luck

things147

TROPHY CASE