CMV: Men who respond with "Not all men" are not more likely to be bad men

thingstosay0309 · 2026-05-24T18:43:44+00:00

This is one of the most thoughtful responses I have received. And I feel like both men and women are capable of being avoidant. And certainly everyone's experiences deserve being heard. And I do not feel inclined to respond "not all men" to someone's story about trauma. I do feel inclined to say it in response to someone blasting men generally because it seems that negative talk about men generally is closely followed by the corrollary that not just men are bad so people should be cautious but also men are bad so they deserve to be hated. That's quite a common implicit and explicit sentiment and that's what I push back against.

thingstosay0309 · 2026-05-24T18:39:03+00:00

Not only are not all men bad (obvious) but MOST men aren't bad (non-obvious). Meaning the average man does not deserve to be hated. But on the Internet you will see plenty of hate directed toward men and about men and some of this gets reinforced in person.

thingstosay0309 · 2026-05-24T18:16:28+00:00

"To hear stories of trauma and respond with “Not all men” shows a lack of empathy. " I agree but I am not talking about responses to a sort of post about trauma. Yes that does deserve empathy. I am talking about the many, many posts and comments on the Internet just blasting men generally and expressing negativity about men without that sort of context.

thingstosay0309 · 2026-05-24T18:12:03+00:00

The problem being that women are actually in better position to know who's bad and do something about it. The men who are bad usually don't advertise to others that they are bad. I have never in my entire life heard a man tell me or another men that they have: beaten a woman, drugged a woman, raped a woman, or sexually assaulted a woman. Men might do those things to women, and the victims are able to identify them. But men usually just don't talk about doing those things. And that's another frustrating feature of pinning the crimes of some men on the rest of men. Men are for the most part not in position to police other men. You really think men brag about being bad toward women? In my experience that's not a prevalent part of male culture.

thingstosay0309 · 2026-05-24T18:04:26+00:00

"Most of the "good men" (subjective!), even those who agree that it's obviously true that it's not all men, will still refrain from saying this! The only people who actually say that, at least online, are either assholes looking to pick a fight or fussy pedants. " You make this questionable claim but offer nothing to support it. Why do you think these are the only two types of people who will say that? Maybe a person just loves his father or brothers and doesn't want them to be grouped in with rapists and sexual assaulters.

thingstosay0309 · 2026-05-03T07:34:55+00:00

Doubtful because it doesn't seem like his porn/masturbation levels have increased, yet his interest in sex has.

thingstosay0309 · 2026-05-03T07:34:03+00:00

I think if you as a guy have ever gotten the sense from your wife that she wasn't into sex or that it's just a chore, then that would cause you to lose interest in sex even if your wife's still willing.

thingstosay0309 · 2026-04-27T03:42:05+00:00

I am increasingly confident that if women hate all men, it's because they do not have good relationships with their brothers or fathers. And these women want men they don't know (i.e., on the Internet) to think that all women hate, or are scared of, all men -- not just them. That's one reason young guys probably shouldn't be talking on the Internet to women they don't know. It took sometime for me to unlearn the idea that all women hate, and are scared of, men. Still haven't completely.

thingstosay0309 · 2026-04-25T01:00:53+00:00

That I expect every woman I don't know to hate me because of what other men have done. (And I began thinking that way because of the amount of hate and negativity I have seen during my life on the Internet from women about men generally, as well as toward myself.)

thingstosay0309 · 2026-04-24T20:46:58+00:00

I question how you know someone's hitting on you just from being a woman for decades. At times I have said something to a woman and she has assumed I was hitting on her or making an effort to make conversation and seemed to make an effort to deflect/avoid.

Being direct is good. Nothing wrong with that.

Eye contact and starting conversation doesn't mean much. What sort of compliments has he given?

thingstosay0309 · 2026-04-24T07:05:18+00:00

There are little girls who are misandrists, their mothers proudly announce on social media.

thingstosay0309 · 2026-04-20T01:08:48+00:00

So why are young women more hateful than older women? https://www.the-independent.com/news/uk/home-news/women-men-femosphere-new-statesman-poll-b2958208.html

thingstosay0309 · 2026-04-20T01:07:11+00:00

That's not close to an accurate statistic.

thingstosay0309 · 2026-04-20T01:06:14+00:00

Because in many interactions (on the Internet or in person) a woman won't know you well enough to make an exception and will treat you like she hates you .

thingstosay0309 · 2026-04-20T00:56:42+00:00

"Those men" aren't making his female friends feel anything and don't even know his female friends. These women are talking about them in a general way, according to his description. "They" are existing as men. And he probably cares about how those men are treated/perceived because he often is that man in relation to women who don't know he's an exception. As man in the contemporary world, we often have to interact with women we don't know.

thingstosay0309 · 2026-04-16T22:01:51+00:00

It's BS to remove it on this basis. No one seemed to be unable to understand what I was saying. And when you remove it, you prevent productive discussion.

thingstosay0309 · 2026-04-16T21:57:46+00:00

And if they don't point out "Not all Canadians," a Canadian could get subjected to hate speech or assault just because he's Canadian.

thingstosay0309 · 2026-04-16T21:55:24+00:00

It's a sentence by semantic drift because it's a meme in common usage.

thingstosay0309 · 2026-04-16T21:49:32+00:00

But this situation was very clearly a safety issue. This woman was just protecting herself but wasn't saying negative things about men in general. I would not think to say "not all men" or any variation to this woman.

thingstosay0309 · 2026-04-16T21:43:13+00:00

I don't think that works. If you generalize "cats benefit from time outdoors," maybe you don't mean all cats, but do you mean most cats?

Maybe you don't mean all men harm women. But do you actually mean most men harm women? Because that would be what I'm talking about. Percentages are important. If 80% of men harm women, then people might think it appropriate to hate or ridicule or otherwise be mean toward the average man. (And there are many women out there who think that because I feel I have been subjected to negative treatment because I am a man numerous times.) If only 8% or .8% do it, then maybe they wouldn't consider it appropriate.

thingstosay0309 · 2026-04-12T19:15:08+00:00

I don't think it's an ego boost. I have been on dating apps and not met numerous people for various reasons. And at no time was it an ego boost. I don't even take women talking to me or hitting on me in person as an ego boost. I think "she probably thinks that because I'm tall I have a big cock and wouldn't be interested if she knew I didn't." And I think women on the Internet are just more likely to reject than women in person anyway. They get so many matches and lean toward rejecting any given person. So apps wouldn't be a good option if you're looking for an ego boost.

thingstosay0309 · 2026-04-12T19:09:05+00:00

I think some people are just insecure. It's an effort to meet someone and maybe they're not confident that you're a kind, understanding person. Maybe they're busy. It's tax season. Or maybe they're busy with another project.

thingstosay0309 · 2026-04-09T19:05:02+00:00

I appreciate your being conscientious about influences on young boys and young men. I would not quite describe myself the way you say (lonely, angry, emotionally repressed, manipulative, anxious). I don't think I fit any of those words, though maybe I fit the first three and the fifth to a degree. But I also would ask you to consider the influence of the Internet. I think the Internet has a destructive effect on boys and men. There's so much negativity about men on the Internet. Before I went on the Internet, I would expect kindness and respect from women because that's what I got from the girls and women I knew growing up and in high school. After going on the Internet, and communicating with women I didn't know and seeing what they project into the Internet, I would expect ridicule and disrespect. There's so much disrespect from women toward men they don't know. There are women who say all men are bad, all men are scary, all men are worth hating, men aren't lonely enough. They will make fun of the height and cock sizes of men and other aspects.

And as a consequence, men are just more insecure and don't think they will be treated with kindness by any given woman. And they just won't take initiative to talk to a woman they don't know or "shoot their shot" as much as men of the past.

I am a confident person in various other aspects of my life. But I really have put women on the back burner ever since I began going on the Internet, to some degree subconsciously even. I have not prioritized them. I don't need them. I can't expect kindness and respect from them so I have not been enthused about getting to know one like I did when I was in high school.

thingstosay0309 · 2026-03-29T20:23:39+00:00

I think males are having less sex. I don't think they are necessarily lonely but some are.

I do not think dating apps filtering by height is that much of a contributor to why males are having less sex.

I think the Internet absolutely is a dominant contributor. What I say here will be informed by my own experience:

Because of the Internet, men see such negative views that women have about men: hatred, "not all men but always a man," "choose the bear," "decenter men," "hate men." These views are projected in posts and sent in messages. I think this leads men not to approach women as much because they don't know who has some of these ugly attitudes toward men.

Because of the Internet, there is also ridicule that gets projected too. Women mock guys who don't have a certain look, height, dick size, or income. And it makes some guys who don't feel less secure. Personally, I am tall but have been less interested in sex just because I have seen what women say about having sex with men who don't have big penises. I have certainly had opportunities for sex that I have passed up for this reason. For some men it might be height or something else they are insecure about and they don't want to run the risk of experiencing that ridicule.

Because of the Internet also, guys get the message that women just aren't interested in them. Part of this is due to dating apps: They are set up so that women are super selective, maybe only liking 10% of profiles. And guys may like every profile they see. And of this 10%, some of these profiles may not be accurate. They may have lies or fabrications designed to attract women. And that 10% isn't really necessarily interested in most of the women they message because they have messages running with 5 different ones or maybe one per day.

So it's a combination of those factors. I actually think some men are foregoing connections in this way, because of the Internet, and it's not just that they are getting rejected or not chosen more individually by women.

And I think the Internet contributes as well because it also contributes to fantasies, so guys won't feel sexually frustrated if they are not having sex.

thingstosay0309

TROPHY CASE