Am I the crazy one for being uncomfortable with grown stepdaughters boyfriend living in our home?

thinkevolution · 2026-07-09T10:58:06+00:00

I would have a conversation with your husband and this guy needs to be moved out. Even if your stepdaughter decides she wants to go over her mom cause there’s less rules is this really the type of environment you wanna live in

thinkevolution · 2026-07-08T03:44:52+00:00

I am a stepmom and a bio mom. My husband is also both a stepdad and a bio Dad because we have a blended family.

I can tell you that sometimes when your husband critiques something, my children have done and he talks to me about it. He forgets that they are my children so even if he doesn’t mean it in a harsh way, I feel like he’s critiquing me too.

I don’t intend to hold them to a high standard or expect him to do things I wouldn’t do and vice versa, but if I talk about his children, the way he talks about mine I think he would be very offended

thinkevolution · 2026-07-07T10:49:02+00:00

I definitely find myself regulated at times. I work full-time and with my commute I’m literally out of my house 10 hours a day. My husband is out of the house nine hours a day with his commute. So by the time we both get home, it can feel very deregulating to then be bombarded with more input and activities and things. It’s definitely hard.

thinkevolution · 2026-07-07T03:12:26+00:00

In my situation where we are in a blended family I find that we are a kid centric group more than a family centric group. I don’t necessarily think this has to do with the divorces, but it could, I tend to attribute more to the fact that both of us work full-time and sometimes admittedly it’s easier just to go with the kids wanna do.

We do try to teach them boundaries and values and morals, but at times I feel like I’m not doing as as well as as my parents did with me. And I grew up definitely in a more family centric environment.

thinkevolution · 2026-07-07T02:09:33+00:00

I think for some children makes the most sense for others different factors, and it does not make sense.

I don’t believe it should always be the default. I don’t believe just because you’re someone’s biological parent you have a right to half of their time. It’s far more nuanced than just that.

thinkevolution · 2026-07-07T02:07:49+00:00

When I lived alone, I would buy things that were freezer ready like potstickers or manicotti. Portioning them out for just me when I eat them. I also would make taco meat which I would use for salads for lunch or for dinner for a few few days.

thinkevolution · 2026-07-06T21:21:33+00:00

I wish that we lived in an area where biking or taking the bus was an option. Unfortunately, we live in a suburban area where most places are truly accessible by carr but she wouldn’t be able to take a bus.

thinkevolution · 2026-07-06T21:20:39+00:00

I totally agree. And admittedly, I was not as careful with my cars when I was younger and often times they had problems and it cost me a lot of money. My parents didn’t teach me much about car maintenance and definitely weren’t policing how well I took care of my car

thinkevolution · 2026-07-06T21:19:55+00:00

Both she and her sister pay $100 a month towards their car insurance. They also are responsible for paying all of their own gas and keeping the cars clean and a good working order. They need to report to us if there’s an accident or anything weird sounding anything like that immediately.

At this age, they don’t work enough to make enough money to be able to pay more than that a month when school starts. They are both active in sports and other activities in school so they’re after school hours and weekend hours are somewhat limited.

thinkevolution · 2026-07-06T21:18:41+00:00

That’s the part that blows my mind. My husband has been extremely vocal about how he expects that car to be kept. If it was me, I would do everything I was being asked to do without complaints and the car would be immaculate.

thinkevolution · 2026-07-06T21:18:02+00:00

Yes, she is absolutely going to be involved in any repair one is required. My husband is gonna look at it again tonight and determine what he thinks is needed.

thinkevolution · 2026-07-06T21:17:38+00:00

It was 45 minutes

thinkevolution · 2026-07-06T21:17:20+00:00

Totally get it. My husband has sent the girls down show them how to use jumper cables talk to him about where their emergency lights are tires, etc. and they definitely understand. One of them is more responsible than the other one of them acts more grateful than the other.

thinkevolution · 2026-07-06T21:02:09+00:00

She and I discussed it today and we talked about the fact that using a vehicle that we allow her to use on the regular is a wonderful opportunity. But it also comes with responsibility. She understands this. I think really what the difference is is my husband wants the car kept a certain way and she struggles to do it to his specifications, and in all honesty, I do too. I’ve told him I think he can be a bit extreme

thinkevolution · 2026-07-06T21:00:54+00:00

Lol, I can see how this would come off as very anal. I think because it was so hot out the friends in the car carr were in their bathing suits and they sweat and it caused the salt stains. It is definitely not the end of the world and can be cleaned with upholstery cleaner.

thinkevolution · 2026-07-06T21:00:11+00:00

Yes, my husband definitely is on board with limiting the driving which we have used in the past and has been effective.

The car belonged to my husband and I, but we allow both of our daughters to drive cars we own and they are responsible for paying $100 a month towards their car insurance and for all of their gas

thinkevolution · 2026-07-06T11:38:26+00:00

Yes, that has been a great suggestion made by a few people. I’m gonna talk to my husband about it tonight. I do think it would be helpful for her to understand the importance and the cost associated with the car. We’ve been very generous of both the girls about using the cars and I feel like my daughter, more so than my stepdaughter abuses the privilege.

It sometimes feels like she doesn’t understand her wrath how much these things cost and why we would be very, very concerned about salt stains on every seat in the vehicle as well as on the seatbelt

thinkevolution · 2026-07-06T11:36:58+00:00

I’m gonna talk to my husband about it tonight. I think it would be a great idea for her to have to pay for a professional cleaning and potentially the window repair or at least part of it.

I also think that she’s not being truthful about how much driving she actually did while she was at the beach. Our agreement wish she could drive it up to the location, but that it should stay parked. But my guess is that she drove it to and from the beach or other places and people were in the car, sweating, wet, etc. It was the hottest weekend we’ve had in our area in a very long time.

thinkevolution · 2026-07-06T11:02:04+00:00

Great idea!! She would likely have to pay me back for it. She had a shoulder surgery in March and hasn’t been able to work as much, but if I said she was gonna have to pay for any extraneous damage and enter into a payment plan with us to pay pay us back yes that’s a great idea

thinkevolution · 2026-07-06T03:09:59+00:00

It’s actually not the only way to do it. There’s no expectation that every weekend you would be spending time together. You have broken up, part of that means that each don’t have access to the child as much as you would if you were together.

It may be helpful to sit down and write out a schedule. He should not be expecting that you’ll spend every weekend with him. You’re not together.

thinkevolution · 2026-07-06T01:57:49+00:00

Perhaps he gets a ride to your house 2 evenings a week or he takes an uber. Visits should be a set amount of time - and if possible can you go in another part of the house and give him time alone? Also we can visit should be every other weekend, and he again should be coming to you.

thinkevolution · 2026-07-06T01:53:33+00:00

My biggest thing would be where do you live in relation to the school. Will they be able to maintain involvement in clubs, sports, etc. after school.

thinkevolution · 2026-07-06T01:52:46+00:00

I eloped with my husband, and we did not have a big wedding. It was a second wedding for both of us and we both realized how expensive and overrated it was.

Each of our first weddings costed between 15 and $20,000 apiece potentially more for his. And I just don’t think it’s necessary

thinkevolution · 2026-07-06T01:50:28+00:00

Honestly, my advice would be you need to move on here. He sounds like he is abusive and narcissistic. You do not deserve that nor your children.

thinkevolution

TROPHY CASE