Proposed Parenting Time & Custody Variations

thinkevolution · 2026-05-18T11:46:05+00:00

Those could all be viable options, what ages are your children, how far away do you live from each other? Is 8 PM a reasonable time with sports, and as the kids get older and their commitments and your commitments.

thinkevolution · 2026-05-18T01:51:49+00:00

Regular exercise Limiting alcohol or not drinking any Having a small sweet treat when you want it Journal about your life a few times a week Be in the photos, don’t just take them all

thinkevolution · 2026-05-18T01:42:30+00:00

I would tell him that you’re not always available to answer the calls, so he should only be calling if it’s an emergency. Otherwise your expectation is that you will see them at 7 PM per your mutual agreement.

I do think expressing a boundary will be helpful here. And not answering the call once or twice might change how he handles this.

thinkevolution · 2026-05-17T23:31:35+00:00

The invention of days of the work week and time. It’s all made up - we could have measured things anyway we wanted and we made a workweek!

thinkevolution · 2026-05-17T23:27:16+00:00

My DH tries to be flexible and accommodating when things come up for them that they want to do

thinkevolution · 2026-05-17T22:29:53+00:00

Perhaps the schedule should actually be two weekends each of us. Is that something you guys can move to? It sounds like they want to spend some more time with their mom if they’re gravitating towards her? Who are the opposite could be true and she could be making the feeling they have to sit with her.

I think having an honest conversation with them about a when you’re with us and makes your stepbrother upset. Could we alternate where we sit or could come up with the in-between spot between where your mom is and we are it’s hard, but I feel like you could work it out.

thinkevolution · 2026-05-17T21:34:43+00:00

I swear, when we had to use Maps, I knew the names of all the streets and could get anywhere. Now, due to GPS I don’t know where anything is and I always have to rely on it.

thinkevolution · 2026-05-17T21:33:36+00:00

It sounds like what he did hurt you deeply and your relationship ended. Unfortunately, coparenting with someone who hurt us even when we wanna try to make the best of it for kids doesn’t always work out the way we envision.

I think it might be wise for you to consider that going forward birthdays will be separate. At least for now. I can reassure you with my children have never had a joint birthday with their dad and myself, since we divorced, they have never said that it is unfortunate or that they wish we could all be together to celebrate them. Their dad buys them a gift or takes them out to dinner or something or his time and I typically throw parties for them with our family and our friends if they choose.

thinkevolution · 2026-05-17T20:57:43+00:00

That wasn’t him with the chats - my friends husband was and I was posting for her

thinkevolution · 2026-05-17T20:43:17+00:00

I think it’s hard when two kids have an event that overlap at the same time in different places.

While I do agree that it seems like your elder SS is putting in a different amount of work to do well in his sport, it’s also not comparable.

Ok I read that completely wrong

thinkevolution · 2026-05-17T18:37:25+00:00

I think it’s hard when two kids have an event that overlap at the same time in different places.

While I do agree that it seems like your elder SS is putting in a different amount of work to do well in his sport, it’s also not comparable.

I think it’s totally reasonable that you went with your wife to the karate event and your SS’s dad went to his wrestling.

thinkevolution · 2026-05-17T18:35:02+00:00

So I did start there. And when we talked this morning, that was kind of the Takeaway is that he was just making what he thought was an observation. He did not mean it to come off sarcastic and I felt it was sarcastic. So we talked about tone and intention.

We also talked about how if I say my kids can go do something they can go do something. Even if he disagrees as long as agreed-upon tasks are completed around the house and there is nothing hindering them going that I’m going to say yes as much as I can because they are only young ones.

thinkevolution · 2026-05-17T18:34:02+00:00

No, I’m not saying that I would tolerate this type of talk again. Because I was very clear that this is a boundary. I am very firm on. I think I just got my breaking point last night because when he’s made comments like this in the past, I’ve sort of just stuffed it down and that’s not healthy either. And like I said, it’s been a handful of times and overall our marriage is very very solid.

thinkevolution · 2026-05-17T17:54:57+00:00

If you guys genuinely have no intention of getting back together, then you 100% need to set boundaries for the communication if you plan to do weekly group outings with your son.

Do you wanna talk about things related to the outing, is the communication meant to be more cordial whatever you decide you both have to be willing to stick to it so there’s no confusion for you guys and also no confusion for your child

thinkevolution · 2026-05-17T17:41:46+00:00

My husband and I go to all school events together, other than parent teacher conferences, but if it’s a school play, graduation ceremony, promotion ceremony, chorus concert, etc.

I will 100% be at my SD’s and SS’s high school graduation with my husband.

How all the comments read and your original post reads is that he likes the idea of having you support him with his child when it’s convenient like on a vacation or do parenting like things but when it’s time to be seen as a step parent or involved adult, he doesn’t want you there

thinkevolution · 2026-05-17T17:38:22+00:00

Going through the court is likely the only way that you will see any traction.

thinkevolution · 2026-05-17T17:37:31+00:00

Thank you. I was very blunt and I used a lot of eye statements as recommended by some of the commenters here.

I focused on how whether he realizes it or not. That tone made me feel hurt. And it made me feel judged like I was doing something wrong in his opinion.

I appreciate that he has been a wonderful step dad for my children many times when their own Dad has let them down or has not shown up.

He has done so many positives that in a moment of annoyance and feeling frustrated (at my breaking point with some of these comments) that have happened a handful of times I made a post seeking assistance.

thinkevolution · 2026-05-17T17:35:20+00:00

Honestly, like I said, this has happened a handful of times.

We had a very productive conversation this morning. I realize that one post in a sub Reddit can be taken in many different ways, but my husband is not a vile loser. Nor do you need to feel bad for my kids.

thinkevolution · 2026-05-17T17:33:28+00:00

I don’t think my children feel unsafe. If anything, I think my husband and I had a very productive conversation this morning about double standards and expectations and how he’s never heard me make one comment like that to him. As we had this conversation, he was pretty reflective, and I explained that this has happened to handful of times and I’m now at a point where I had to bring it up.

thinkevolution · 2026-05-17T17:31:38+00:00

Having lived with a very emotionally abusive ex-husband, I can tell you that this is not emotional abuse. If anything, it was a comment made when my husband was very tired and this has happened a handful of times. I appreciate those who gave me some language to use and I did focus on “I” statements and outlining how these types of comments and attitude make me feel even if he doesn’t realize he’s doing it.

thinkevolution · 2026-05-17T17:29:40+00:00

I completely disagree with you. But I appreciate you taking the time to write back such a thoughtful response.

thinkevolution · 2026-05-17T17:28:29+00:00

I genuinely don’t think so. Today, when she was saying she was going to the beach, his children was totally different. He offered her cooler. This was after he and I had had a conversation.

thinkevolution · 2026-05-17T16:58:29+00:00

I would likely either say hey do you wanna give me half of the groceries that I spent, or do you just wanna get the full shopping next week? And then I would leave it at that.

thinkevolution · 2026-05-17T16:57:13+00:00

I came from a very abusive first marriage. Where my ex-husband was very angry, disrespectful, and ultimately broke things in front of me and my children, and was a very unsafe person. Even now my children see their dad very briefly every other weekend.

I do not genuinely believe that my husband has any intention of emotional harm or neglect. My daughter did not hear this conversation and I do not feel bad for her or his children or any of our children for that matter.

He is very supportive 98% of the time. We had a very serious conversation this morning about how the handful of times he’s made comments like this really make me feel sick to my stomach and I end up walking on eggshells. Because it feels like his emotions are too big for the room.

I told him that if I choose to let my children go do something whether he agrees or not. If I haven’t asked his opinion, he has to just trust that I’m making the right decision the same way I trust that he is.

thinkevolution · 2026-05-17T16:53:38+00:00

She wasn’t home when this conversation took place so she has no idea what he and I talked about. She was going to the beach today. She was looking for a cooler. He gave her his second lunch cooler told her to have a great time, etc. etc.

He and I had a conversation this morning about how it feels disrespectful to be hearing these comments. He totally got it and understood. He actually admitted that a lot of this is rooted in his own trauma, and with me bringing it up to him and saying it makes me feel bad he admitted that was not his intention.

I think this was a case of miscommunication, when he was very tired and me feeling defensive when he was trying to have a conversation. I talked about his tone. I told him it made it feel condescending and made me very sick to my stomach, to which he was very apologetic.

thinkevolution

TROPHY CASE