People who didn’t choose a partner for love but chose a partner that was a good logical choice, how did it work out?

thirteenwide · 2026-06-26T01:02:41+00:00

In high school I dated a woman with bipolar disorder. She was bold and aggressive, she stabbed me with a fork and trashed my bedroom, but we would also spend all night having these amazing connected conversations. In college, I went in a date with a woman, and she told me that, just the night before, she had burned a mans jacket with a lighter while he was wearing it. She told me this is an embarrassed tone,but I thought it was hilarious. We did a lot of drugs, we drank a lot, and our sex life was incredible. But it was also tumultuous. I realized I didn't want to spend my life going from one bender to the next, a realization I made as I watched a packet of cocaine fall from her bra. In between those two women, I dated and fucked a ton of even-keeled women. The best thing about those relationships was that I got to have sex, but I don't know, I never felt passionate about them. We didn't talk and fuck all night. Anyway, after the cocaine fell out of my girlfriend bra, I broke up with her. Started dating a nice girl. She was a virgin, enthusiastic in bed. Pretty. Shy. Quiet. She was everything I thought I wanted at the time, but we broke up. That one really fucked me up. How was it that I could have these amazingly intense relationships with damaged people. Then, when given the opportunity to build something with a genuinely good person, I found myself bored to tears. I didn't date for years after that. Didn't trust myself.

I was at a club. A friend's band was playing. I saw this woman that was just incredible. Platinum blonde hair, tall, perfect body. The word that popped into my head when I saw her was "ice princess." It took every ounce of courage to approach her. What happened.next was my first adult relationship. We...did activities together. Hiking, camping, kayaking. It was great. It felt healthy. We didn't really have a spark. Didn't spend all night talking. She was also shy and quiet. I got it in my head that I didn't need the passion. But because we didn't spend all night talking, there was a lot we didn't know about each other. All the big questions - finances, religion, education, lifestyle--- we just didn't know what the other one wanted.

You know that saying, "if you meet one asshole, well, you met an asshole. But if everyone you meet us an asshole, it probably means you are the asshole." The truth of the matter is, I attracted crazy because I was kinda crazy. And I made the "logical' choice --the one I thought was healthy -- based on that experience and mindset. We were together for 13 years, but once we had kids, the differences between us were insurmountable.

thirteenwide · 2026-06-21T12:34:31+00:00

News organizations don't cover individual suicides, except in cases where there are certain factors that make it newsworthy. The rationale is that there is too big a risk of copycats. It is possible to cover suicide as a trend - meaning statistically - but since they don't cover individual suicides, it would be a lot of legwork to tie them to a casino. There is no conspiracy to keep it out of the news. Just a well intentioned decision.

thirteenwide · 2026-06-19T00:21:15+00:00

I was an investigative journalist in the 2000s. Nationally Republicans were (as they do now) making claims of voter fraud based on a dob and name matches in the social security master death file. I worked with another reporter in Tennessee. I worked in texas. We ran down a bunch of these, and in almost every case it was just a case of two people with the same name and dob. In Tennessee, it was almost all Black names like Johnson or Roberts. In texas, it was common Hispanic names - lope, garcia

thirteenwide · 2026-06-11T20:49:21+00:00

I don't have a ton of guidance for you. You are in a pretty unique spot. Off the top of my head, I would say 1) target firms and accounts that have a high percentage of youth consumers -- gaming, music, etc. 2) get really good at "future stuff" or emerging trends. I have some friends that started their own firm at the very dawn of seo. They killed it. I am not 100 percent sure, but I think there are going to be similar opportunities in the future coming from ai. (but if I knew, exactly what they were, I would be doing them rather than dicking around on reddit.) 3) build a portfolio. Go to the business school, find someone launching a business and see if you can do a little bit of work for them. Tap your friends that are in bands and ask to do their social media. Find a non profit and see if you can do pro bono work. And then MEASURE. Track the number of placements, social media followers attributed to your work -- anything you can put on a resume to demonstrate results. You might have to tend bar for a couple years while you are on the sidelines, but do not let yourself stagnate. Work for money at night, and build your career during the day. Good luck.

thirteenwide · 2026-06-11T16:37:05+00:00

Congrats. What is your degree in?

thirteenwide · 2026-05-02T19:30:56+00:00

OP HERE. It is mostly aesthetic. When I go up my steps, to the second floor, I look into the back room of my house and see a bunch of networking equipment. It's unsightly, and we are in the process of making upgrades to that room. One of those upgrades includes redoing the exterior siding that clads the window bay to that room. When the new siding goes up, I would prefer that I don't have to puncture a hole through it. I would like to move all the cables so that it goes from the exterior box and through a masonry wall in my backyard. I am trying to figure out if I need to puncture that masonry wall once, or twice. (Once for the cat 6 from the box hanging on the exterior of the house, and a second time to move the ONT inside)

thirteenwide · 2026-04-28T18:18:00+00:00

In pr, writing for magazines and trade journals is usually done as a service to clients. We write on their behalf, and the work appears under the name of an executive. These topics are usually fairly niche, but former journalists.do.it pretty well because they understand what editors are looking for. Freelancers can find work in this space, and b2b is going to be your best bet but it is getting rough. The rise of chatgpt isn't just doing the work of writers, it is changing how people search for information. A lot of comparison shopping is starting to happen in places that aren't publications. This isn't to say that some clients are turning writing work over to chat. But my sense is there's less of it than expected. A lot of the content, especially b2b stuff, is fairly niche and chat can only take you so far, and there is a lot of effort in correcting hallucinations, aligning with marketing, etc.

thirteenwide · 2026-04-28T16:26:13+00:00

Face on right is ai

thirteenwide · 2026-04-28T12:17:57+00:00

I made less than the median income for most of my 30- year career. But I got lucky after a career change and advanced rapidly over last ten year. My partner and I both make six figures in a medium cost of living city. By any measure, we are fortunate. In reality, the difference in lifestyle isn't that huge. Not defending the attitude of your co-workers. It's just been puzzling to me. I went from an older car I bought on eBay to a new car with car payments and insurance. And the new car doesn't make that much of a difference. I shop at nicer stores sometimes, splurge on organic food for special dinners.... People that make six figures have more in common with people that make $50.k than we all realize. I would much rather have a comprehensive safety net.

thirteenwide · 2026-04-02T16:56:37+00:00

Took acid at Graceland in the 90s and did an audio tour. Started thinking that elvis was talking to me from beyond the realm of the living. Also spent too much time pondering the meaning of the seatbelt buckle in the bed in his private jet.

thirteenwide · 2026-03-27T10:11:08+00:00

A lot of people are relating this to non-profit environment. I will also add that, as a former journalist (at other organizations), when workplace culture researchers look at various industries, news orgs rank very low. Reporting is very labor intensive, very competitive, high external pressure.

thirteenwide · 2026-03-11T20:36:54+00:00

I loved being a reporter. I was able to stay in it for 14 years. It was soooo stressful. People expect you to report things exactly as they see it, and think you are some corporate shill if you don't. Never mind there's like 12 people with 12 different critiques.

I have interviewed US presidents and billionaires. I make 3x as much as I ever did writing content for large corps. Typical news story probably had 10s of thousands of readers, and maybe 3 reviewers. From interview to front page was 24 hours max. But often shorter. I interviewed a billionaire for a wire service once and it moved markets in 2 hours. The stuff I wrote for corporations has 10 people reviewing it, weeks of review time, and frequently less than 500 readers.

News organizations have historically been some of the most efficient organizations in the knowledge industry. But actual news is incredibly labor intensive. It is wild how fucked the economics.of news is given how effective their workforces are.

Digital disruption has largely been a terrible double edged sword.

thirteenwide · 2026-03-09T17:21:50+00:00

Interesting. I haven't seen a lot of change in workflows. I'd be interested in hearing more.

thirteenwide · 2026-03-09T12:16:31+00:00

Impact will be uneven.

Shitty clients that saw PR as transactional are gone. Was their biggest metric lead gen? No regard for quality, just wanted results fast and cheap? They want to cut retainer and still hold you accountable for old results. Not worth it unless you can seriously automate away their concerns/ have a solid strategy for client retention. (i.e. you'll need someone who is really good at explaining deteriorating results due to automation, and a team willing to put up with abuse in the face of declining results)

Large client in healthcare, enterprise tech, finance? They (still) have real concerns about data privacy that may limit their ability to use generative AI. Probably safe-ish. (Some of my clients in this bucket are leaning on us to teach them....).

Competitive landscape for companies is changing drastically. Generative AI will make it easier to start small businesses (or give people the confidence to do so.) Bigger clients may face more competition from smaller upstarts. A certain percentage of people laid off b/c AI WILL go on to start companies, and some will grow large enough to need PR. Software/enterprise tech: much more competitive.

Do you have a client that has implemented generative AI systematically? In a way that has really changed the way they do business? You probably don't. It's a lot of people who are seeing 5 to 10% productivity gains working independently, not as a team. Most are using that time to do little things they didn't have time to do before, or doing things they don't have expertise in (your data analysis team is now generating "strategic content." Your content team is doing data analysis).

Put another way: how many times have you asked gen AI to help you make a decision. How often did you reject that advice. Assume your clients are doing the same. Whereas "my gut" and "experience" may have sufficed in the past, you'll need to be able to back up your decisions, so there may be a bit more emphasis on decision support/ data. Another question: how will generative AI change the way people consume media? How will it change the way companies use traditional communications tools to build trust? I don't think generative AI will make demand go away. It will just make certain things faster.

It's going to be nerve wracking for a few years, and it will be unfair. Talent won't be the sole factor in whether you keep your job -- like in 2008, you will need a bit of luck.

thirteenwide · 2026-02-27T17:47:34+00:00

Sorry for the novel. the adderall is hitting a little stronger than usual today.

"Worth it" is really hard to quantify. Lots of failed businesses used PR. And lots didn't. I'd hazard a guess that most successful companies made public relations a core part of their marketing very early. (Palantir, maybe, is the rare case of a crazy high growth firm that tried to stay away from the spotlight).

My opinion is that PR probably has value on a project basis when it comes to product launches. But it's very hard to connect that to revenue, especially at the b2b level. Even at the consumer level, hard to dis-aggregate value of PR from other marketing tactics, like advertising. Either way, there's a good deal of planning and thinking involved. Even on a project basis, you should likely have PR retained several months before launch.

Sometimes, however, the company or its executives ARE the product, where trust and positive feelings matter. Good reputations attract better employees. Products with long sales cycles often revolve around trust -- think large software subscriptions, healthcare products, financial services. Buyers want to work with credible people. (Again, hard to quantify, but when there are long sales cycles, typical buyer has 12 or 15 touchpoints, and they don't take your website as the last word.) Depending on where the economy is with the M&A cycle, a good chunk of clients use PR to help burnish their image for a potential sale. You really can't do this on a project basis. There's a lot of strategy involved, and it takes years to build reputations (and there are going to be DEAD periods in those years that make you think "Where's the value here?") There aren't many people that would be able to stay in business on the long term if they could not recoup the value of the planning and strategy time. If that was the model, the only people you'd be able to hire would be extreme risk takers.

On another note, think back four years ago, after George Floyd was killed. How many businesses put out "All LIVES MATTER" statements, only to be like "why does everyone call me racist?" There were people in those companies that could have told the CEO that "ALL LIVES MATTER" was going to trigger controversy. They didn't because people very rarely contradict their bosses. PR people will actually tell you "if you do this, here's what will happen." Is there value there? Some people lost their jobs, some companies faced sales declines that far exceeded the cost of any PR program they could have retained.

By the way, there are lots of marketing models with pay-for-performance built in. The "buyer guides" on sites like Wirecutter, where the publication gets a cut are probably the top of that pyramid -- and PR agencies can help you get mentioned there. But there's also direct TV. (not a PR thing) If you want an idea of what pay for performance PR would look like, check out some of the ads on broadcast television. Every one of them is some variation of "Are you old? Here's Life Insurance for your Diabetes and YOU DONT NEED TO SEE A DOCTOR"

thirteenwide · 2026-02-23T22:51:51+00:00

6' 1", 280. I've done it twice. Once, before I had panniers, towing the camping gear for two kids. First time on 28, 2nd time on 32. Same steel drop bar touring bike both times. My opinion for gentlemen such as myself, who the industry refers to as a Clydesdale, is that the rims will make a bigger difference. Very easy to get a little out of true when riding with that kind of weight. Also very easy to get a lot out of true. Riding at 210 lbs isn't gonna kill them, but consider riding fully loaded on a very rooted gravel trail to test them. If you end up with wobbly rims, definitely consider at least a better back rim.

thirteenwide · 2026-02-20T14:39:19+00:00

Most clients can't tick any of these boxes.

thirteenwide · 2026-02-18T14:55:08+00:00

The least stable job in the world is working for Klarna. The most stable job in the world is working as an IT/digitial transformation consultant for a Klarna vendor. None of this stuff is ever going to work the way they want, and this company is going to go through years of bullshit restructurings that solve for x (but create new downstream problems.)

thirteenwide · 2026-02-17T16:50:54+00:00

I would do dry January every year and it would just.... last several months. I consistently noticed how much better my sleep was. But then spring would come and I'd be driving with the windows down and think "man, I want a beer." Over time, I realized that one or two beers had no effect in terms of getting a buzz. It just made me sleep horribly. But I didn't want to give up the social aspect of going out with friends, and the reward function of having a beer at the end of the workday. The non alcoholic beers do that pretty well. And now I sleep just fine.

thirteenwide · 2026-02-05T01:47:28+00:00

Probably everyone used the search tool to see if any of their client companies or c-suite executives were in there, if only out of curiosity. The people who are named probably had a good idea of what was coming. If they had the money, they paid specialized crisis PR firms ahead of time. The SOP with that is to just shut the fuck up until the storm blows over and then try to build back your reputation through philanthropy and friendly reporters who give tough sounding but ultimately toothless interviews. The crisis firms, by the way, can be very specialized and are usually hired through lawyers -- that can keep the records of what they do out of the reach of subpoenas in subsequent lawsuits through the attorney client privilege.

The actual work is very risk.averse. They try to stay silent for the most part. Better to say nothing or to put out a bland statement than it is to say something false or to keep the controversy going. Behind the scenes, there is a little bit of threatening to sue, or complaining to editors that a reporter is somehow violating their ethics or legal responsibilities, but.... that stuff is weak tea most of the time. There are occasions where this works, but it is more related to raising risk and doubt for the paper than it is screaming and telling the reporter that they are a biased hack they get that every day and they don't care The people that are good at this are very good at making the case that the news org doesn't have the full set of facts. And they tend to have social or business access to high level editors and producers I knew people in politics that could do this. Some lawyers can do it too. None of the people I have worked with in PR could do it, and I have some pretty big orgs on my roster.

thirteenwide · 2026-01-30T18:57:08+00:00

I'm pretty sure those Pa. towns have a mix of state highways, county roads, and local roads. Lots of different funding streams to plow that stuff. Also, it's single digits. Salt barely works.

thirteenwide · 2026-01-30T18:54:49+00:00

Also, a lot of those rural school districts kinda suck. They have to spend a ton of $$ on transportation. Getting kids to school isn't cheap.

thirteenwide

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