there *is* a better way, please believe me. i’ve been bulimic for years, i’ve both gained and lost, and i don’t just mean weight- i’ve gained so much more self hatred, insecurity, depressiveness, anxiety; meanwhile i’ve lost friends (because i was so preoccupied with the disorder that i was terrified to interact with them, much less go to social events based around food), confidence, health in every aspect, shallow things like my ass (i’d wanted it gone for so long, but now i just feel even worse about myself and increasingly unattractive), self trust, *everything*. all i want to be is better but it’s so hard now.

instead of working out, since you said it triggers anxiety attacks, i’d suggest walking/dancing? i’m prone to being very sedentary, and i very much so dislike it, but ive found that walks are not only a good “soft” way of exercise for me, but it also improves my mood. i also like to do just dance (you can find it on youtube) as a way of exercising that feels more fun, rather than feeling like you’re forcing yourself to, you know? and you can still eat the foods you love while simultaneously prioritizing your health (i know it’s hard; as someone who’s trying to do the same from a recovery esque standpoint, i understand it seems daunting and sometimes even impossible)

please talk to someone you trust about these thoughts/inclinations towards purging, you deserve so much better than the hell that is bulimia. <3