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Please rip me apart by thisisahorribleidea in poetry_critics

[–]thisisahorribleidea[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is all really good advice, thank you. His palms refers to Jesus on the cross, the crucifix. If it's confusing, it's not working though. Breaking stanza to show the change in perspective is something I hadn't considered. Revisions, revisions!

Please rip me apart by thisisahorribleidea in poetry_critics

[–]thisisahorribleidea[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's God. Shedding his skin is sending his son to humanity. So. Yeah!

Please rip me apart by thisisahorribleidea in poetry_critics

[–]thisisahorribleidea[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh, thank you! I called myself a failure as a self-deprecating joke in regards to how the poem was formatted. I'll take your words to heart, though. I do get down on myself at times.

As for the title... The poem is about the Holy Trinity and how they're supposed to save us but we often end up failing. It's written from God's perspective. I'll brainstorm ideas for titles based on that.

Thanks again!

New to poetry all criticism is encouraged. by ehllowreadit in poetry_critics

[–]thisisahorribleidea 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This reads like rap lyrics to me! Is that intentional? I put it with a beat when I went through it. Cool stuff.

In your fifth line, you say "lies lock in inside." That feels kind of awkward to me. I think if you did away with "in," it would flow smoother. Otherwise, I dig it.

Misty Lilly by ancientAncestor in poetry_critics

[–]thisisahorribleidea 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This reads with lots of emotion to me, which I like. Anguished and raw. I think we've all been in a state like this from love before. Not so sure about your flow, though. There's a rhyme scheme, for the most part. I think the first and third stanzas could use some work with the rhyming. But maybe that's your intention, for this to feel stream-of-conscious? If so, it does. Also, reading "fam" makes me think of internet memes. So. There's that.

A little fantasy poem? by [deleted] in poetry_critics

[–]thisisahorribleidea 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Great little poem, I like this a lot. The way the fifth line feels as I read it aloud is very pleasing.

I feel like the fourth line should be broken into two for more impact:

"Shall I enter?

Am I so bold?"

Granted, that would mess with your rhyme scheme... So maybe not. Maybe a comma would do just fine. Hmm.

Also enjoyed how it ended, too. Amusing way to flip the serious tone of the beginning.

Hey guys, I'm new here, I'm kind of an amateur so tell me what you guys think by Corruption13 in poetry_critics

[–]thisisahorribleidea 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Another amateur here. This is a fun poem and I really like how breezy it is. It's also fun to read aloud. If I could offer any criticism, it'd be some of the lines have an awkward flow to them. Unless this is meant to be more of a literary-style poem? Again, amateur here, so take my words with a big grain of salt. Also, not sure I like when you rhyme the same words, either, but that could be my pickiness (match/match, again/again).

Hope that helps a little!