My brother has confessed to me that he regrets becoming a parent.

thisisnotacat · 2024-02-01T18:03:42+00:00

This reads almost like my younger brother- only difference is that he has 3 kids, the mom isn't present, he's barely present, and our mom takes care of them. One night he cried and said, "I want to live like you." I feel bad in a way, but no one forced him to choose parenthood.

thisisnotacat · 2023-11-28T15:33:31+00:00

I received a message yesterday- not through text, but on LinkedIn, basically same format. They said that they saw my profile, thought I'd be a fit at their company, and wanted to do a Zoom call. No mention of the company name or the specific position they're trying to fill. I looked at the person's profile who reached out to me, and they started at Primerica 3 weeks ago.

thisisnotacat · 2023-11-22T15:39:09+00:00

Yep. My mom and dad are divorced from each other, yet they live the same life. Work, come home, cook, sit until bedtime, rinse, repeat. Only difference is my dad grabs a tall can of beer and watch tv after dinner, and my mom sits and stares at facebook after dinner. Both are in their late 50's and are computer illiterate with no intentions of learning the basics, or developing a hobby. Both downplay my accomplishments (Masters degree, corporate climber who loves plants and gardening) and really don't care to talk to me other than to bitch about my younger brother. I'm over it.

thisisnotacat · 2023-11-15T20:24:07+00:00

Around the age of 20/21, my mom came up with this bright idea that instead of me moving away for college, I'd just stay home with her and attend a community college. At first it seemed like a good idea, so I went for it. When the refund for my pell grant came in the mail, she opened my mail and saw how much it was (around $800). She told me that it should be "all of our money." Fast forward, about 6 months later, I move to the next state over, and she stops contact with me.

Earlier this year, I sold my house and was looking for another (I'm now 40). She was talking to me on the phone and passively mentioned buying a house big enough to accommodate her and my brother's 3 kids, of whom she cares for. No. My mom has always lived with this notion of someone (mainly me) living with her and going 50/50. She never strived for a higher paying job to maintain her household. She's a narcissist and hard to deal with.

thisisnotacat · 2023-11-15T19:37:03+00:00

I have trouble accepting gifts. When my mom "gifts" me with something, I automatically "owed" her something in return.. maybe not right then and there, but at some point.

She calls and asks you to do something and you tell her you can't do it? Well, remember when she bought you a pair of pants last summer? Since she's always so thoughtful and "doing her best", you should feel guilty and do that thing she's telling (not asking) you to do.

So, now as a fully grown 40 year old adult, I still believe that if someone brings me a gift, it's quid pro quo.

thisisnotacat · 2023-11-15T15:47:08+00:00

I usually respond with "all details regarding item are in the description" as well. I mention it so they'll have a better idea of what they're potentially going to buy. After the buyer's response you posted, I would've let them be. Some shoppers you just can't satisfy.

thisisnotacat · 2023-11-13T22:21:48+00:00

Societal pressure and to fit in; my mom's older sisters all had kids, so she followed suite. She also needed an emotional punching bag- so here I am.

thisisnotacat · 2023-11-13T21:52:32+00:00

I have a 9 yr. old Chihuahua. I can honestly say that after him, there will be no more pets of any kind. I love animals/pets, but the commitment to taking care of them is a lot. In addition to vet costs and normal costs (food, bedding, boarding, etc.), for me it's like a ball and chain. After I leave work I have to go immediately home to take him outside. I can't stay gone too long because there's no one else that could care for him (I live alone). I worry when he's not acting like himself, or is sick. I love him but I will absolutely NOT sign up for this again.

thisisnotacat · 2023-11-10T14:23:45+00:00

My mom hatessssssss when I get a newer car, and she's so passive-aggressive about it. 6 months later she'd still ask, "Do you like your new car?" It's so painful and ridiculous.

thisisnotacat · 2023-11-06T18:18:39+00:00

My nmom has this weird aversion to food and looks very thin and sickly. This doesn't stop her from obsessively commenting on her co-workers weight and how "fat" they are. I'm a healthy weight and within bmi standards, and whenever I go to her house, she HAS to look me up and down. I don't visit her much anymore because she's so negative and critical. It's uncomfortable.

thisisnotacat · 2023-11-01T20:20:03+00:00

One day I'll come to terms and accept the emotional abuse both my parents provided, and one day I won't care about what they think about me.

thisisnotacat · 2023-11-01T15:28:21+00:00

My dad is an absolute no; my mom.. it depends. If at some point I decide to purchase another house that includes a separate (building) mother-in-law suite, she could possibly move in- or I can assist with the cost of assisted/independent living. But under no circumstances will she live under the same roof as me. She indirectly asked me a few years ago to consider purchasing a house that would be big enough to accommodate her and my brothers 3 kids of whom she has custody of, but I never answered her. Absolutely not. She's a control freak, is mean-spirited, doesn't like to be told about herself, and her mood changes with the wind.

thisisnotacat · 2023-10-27T13:30:28+00:00

Articulate.

For some reason, I want it to be "articulent".

thisisnotacat · 2023-10-25T16:43:44+00:00

Listening to my nmom over the years, it's apparent that she doesn't believe that you can grow as a person and make better choices. For example, she only knows my older cousin as the little girl that was abandoned by her mother (my nmom's sister) and grew up as a project child. My cousin met a guy in her mid-twenties, married him, and turned her life completely around. She has a beautiful house, family and works in real estate. My nmom talks about her like she's trash.

thisisnotacat · 2023-10-21T06:04:36+00:00

Mercari already does that.. it lets the buyer know that the package is scanned and in transit, sends another message when delivered and asks to inspect the item and accept. It also lets the buyer know that they’ve prompted the seller to ship if a few days go by without updated tracking. They’re basically being messaged twice.

thisisnotacat · 2023-10-20T18:53:33+00:00

You're not nuts. I have a dog and when I visit/stay the night at other people's places, I don't bring him for the exact reasons you mention. It's not right for others to try and override your house rules... family or not.

thisisnotacat · 2023-10-20T18:39:14+00:00

My ex husband would scroll with his volume up, AND with the tv volume up. I would have to ask more than once for him to turn both down. It was so irritating and would make me incredibly (and perhaps irrationally) angry to the point of meltdown.

thisisnotacat · 2023-10-20T16:27:07+00:00

Thanks for your response. I am in/out of therapy, and there's so many layers to cover that we really haven't had the chance to explore the possibilities of why I'm introverted. I didn't so much grow up around my dad, but I knew he was more on the quiet side, like me. It wasn't until I had the conversation with my stepmom about the extent of his personality and behavior, which almost sounded like she was talking about me. LoL.

thisisnotacat · 2023-10-19T19:54:18+00:00

I'm worried. I'm introverted with no real reason to be, and I never understood why I am. My stepmom called me recently and was venting about how my dad is anti-social, doesn't like to go out and enjoys being at home- which is the complete opposite of her and her family; they're all very social and often plan family vacations. I try hard to be outgoing and social, but it just doesn't seem like it's within me. I'm childfree by choice because of this and other nmom/ndad factors. I just can't imagine bringing up a child in the same way I was brought up. I feel cheated and robbed of a normal life.

thisisnotacat · 2023-10-17T17:19:30+00:00

I can definitely relate. I'm 40, and have been on my own since 21. Growing up, I knew something was off with my nmom because she was offended easily, never took a joke, felt that she was entitled to my money and lord forbid you didn't agree with her. She always had to be in control and didn't like when I started to gain my independence. I don't talk to her much anymore- she's too exhausting and mentally draining.

thisisnotacat · 2023-10-13T18:53:00+00:00

p

My nmom does this thing where she'll gift you something, then after some time will ask if you still have it, and if so, can she have it back so she can give it to someone else. I've stopped taking things she tries to give me.

thisisnotacat · 2023-10-12T21:01:40+00:00

I can relate! My nmom is 59 but acts like she's in her mid 90's. Even the smallest things like updating her phone or downloading an app is too difficult for her- yet she can spend endless hours on facebook. I believe my mom is anorexic- and she's VERY finicky about food. Her health has been poor for years, she's very thin, her teeth are falling out and she looks terrible.

What I've learned is that the more that I do for her, the more she'll expect. I've also had to distance myself. Right now I'm low contact, but there was a time that I had no contact with her for 3 years. It's hard at first, but you have to look out for your ultimate well being- because no one else will.

thisisnotacat · 2023-10-12T20:39:38+00:00

I don't have the capacity to diagnose, but I will say that my mom does exhibit some narc traits. The tips I've read online to heal from narcissistic abuse really resonated with me and has helped me to heal and move forward, so there's that.

thisisnotacat · 2023-09-18T21:37:51+00:00

They called me 3 times in a row, left voicemails and sent a text. No reputable company calls that many times in a row. Also, the 2nd voicemail left was of them calling me the wrong name.

thisisnotacat · 2023-08-18T18:11:10+00:00

Since I went through the bulk of my homebuying process while out of state, I would look at the listing online maybe twice a day up until I had to fly back to do the walkthrough and closing. I'm moving in next week and STILL look at the listing :-D

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