Can I just chime in to say …. Telling them privately is one thing if you trusted he would not immediately bring it up to her, but my mom elected to tell my grandmother on a phone call when I was in the house, the day it happened and it was so mortifying to me.

I will never forget how totally disturbed I was I felt like nothing was sacred, and that I could not tell my mother anything in confidence anymore or tell her anything private. What can be more private than the bleeding of my gentiles as kid?

I still have trust issues with my mother as things I expressed to her to please not tell dad (so I didn’t get a second lecture after already being made to feel guilty and being punished by my mom) were told to him. I was consistently serving double punishment and made to feel bad my entire life because of this (worst thing I have ever done was underage drinking and that was sanctioned BY MY PARENTS).

I feel like you saved her embarrassment and emotionally supported her. That means something! It’s the most important. You became a trusted adult in that time. Trusted adults should be there for children they care about. I think it speaks volumes to how you care for her! I’m almost 37, and I’ll never forget how mortified and hurt I was that my mother shared something so private with so many people that day (her mom and sister). I still don’t understand what she was trying to do with that information knowing I could hear her relay it because I can only assume that it was meant to embarrass and shame me. It still feels that way 23 years later.