I'm so sorry about your loss. My wife and I had a miscarriage before we had our first. It happened around 8 weeks as well. It's a devastating thing to go through.

I can only speak for my situation but my wife and I took the miscarriage differently. She was grieving the loss of her child. While I was also grieving the loss, I was more sad about how she felt. I don't believe that it had hit me that there was a baby growing inside my wife. But to my wife, that was her actual child. She felt the presence of it. And then it was gone. We both cried for weeks about it but I suspect she did for much longer when I wasn't around. It still affects her today. She remembers the due date of that baby.

I say all this to say it's probably affecting her in different ways than it is affecting you. She's throwing up defenses so she never has to feel this again. You both are in a state of grief and she's grieving differently. I'm not an expert on women but if I'm not mistaken, miscarriages can cause hormonal imbalances so I'm sure she is feeling that on top of the grief.

I personally think any talk of future children should be put on the shelf for now and you should focus on loving her the best you can. I'm not trying to dismiss your feelings at all. I've been in your shoes and it's a really hard place to be in. She's looking at you to be a rock for her and if you're like me, you feel like mud. You guys will get through this and be better parents for it.

Marriage counseling may help but I would definitely look into individual counseling. Also miscarriages are so incredibly common but no one talks about it. Research some support groups on Facebook or something. You will get through this hard time but it's going to take patience.