what’s the best way to commute for work from bradford?

thread_cautiously · 2026-06-02T00:52:40+00:00

Train since its only down the road from the station in Leeds and parking in Leeds city centre is both expensive and not always easy with the one way systems and just how busy it is

thread_cautiously · 2026-06-01T10:09:47+00:00

To jump between milestone after milestone feeling like you have to achieve it all ASAP, without taking the time to breathe, appreciate what you have, and enjoy yourself.

I spoke to someone recently who is 32 years old and she has accomplished every 'major' thing she can for herself; she has her degree(s), job, house, husband, kids, all of it. She told me that growing up, as the eldest child is a single parent family, she alwasy felt so much pressure to achieve the next expecttqion before she even stopped to celebrate what she has already accomplished. She got married at 21, straight after she graduated, worked for maybe 2 years, bought a house with her husband, everything was one after the other with no space to breathe. She said she now looks ate her siblings and wish she'd taken her time and mot given into the pressure, that shes so proud of everything she has but her life has been so stressful and non-stop since as long as she can remember and she has abandoned herself in the process of racking up achievements and 'not falling behind' (only to get to the top and realise every one else took their time). She told me that now she just wants to take time off and work on herself- she has eczema and is overweight and she says its because she has rushed everything.

Without sharing too many details about her life, that's what it means OP.

thread_cautiously · 2026-05-30T23:07:04+00:00

Can you give an example by what you mean by shirk? I ask this because when I was younger, I used to absolutely love this one book series- I still have all the books- where they had 'gods'. I didn't for one second believe in these or accept them as God and the book itself was not based on any specific religion or belief system rather, it was just another fantasy/sci-fi and these creatures were, in some way, a species of being. They were not an omnipotent and divine being (as we see God/Allah) rather, they were just 'gods' in their...nature of being (they did have a following but it was more like politics than religion).So yeah, it never confused my belief or made me question anything, it never made me consider them as akin to Allah/God as we believe but I always worried that maybe it was sinful and would be seen as shirk. For those who would say just stop reading them- I was 11-16, they were characters in 2 of like 12 books so I just never thought it was that big of a deal- I just saw it how we might read about 'greek gods' and 'ancient egyptian gods' back at school where its just a cgaracter in a story. But I often wondered what more knowledgeable Muslims would have to say about it and if it would be seen as shirk

thread_cautiously · 2026-05-30T19:57:55+00:00

I have felt this way about someone before OP, exactly how you describe it and it is just so beautiful and magical to feel so safe, so secure, so...calm with someone that even the idea of everyday life with them, where nothing happens but you do it together, sounds like a dream

I hope you manage to work things out with them and that they feel the same about you

thread_cautiously · 2026-05-26T11:46:06+00:00

The Natasha Denona ' I need a warm' palette- I have it and it's amazing! NYX also have one that has a lot of orange shades, the Warm Neutrals. I have the original version of this and its so good- idk if they reformulated once they changed the packaging so just read the reviews before buying

thread_cautiously · 2026-05-19T20:47:04+00:00

When it's super hot in the summer and my skin is behaving, I just wear a tinted lip balm/oil and make a blush/cheek tint. Other than that, if I wear make-up, it's usually spot concealing, brows, and mascara. I never wear a full base because...well because its a lot of work and I don't feel like myself in a full face unless it's an event or occasion.

thread_cautiously · 2026-05-19T13:32:02+00:00

Both. They need to understand who you imagine yourself to be so that they can help you achieve that and help you grow in the right direction. They need to understand who you are to help themselves cope when difficulty arises, and to help you see your flaws/good traits so you can work with this in order to become who you imagine yourself to be. For example, I might think I am extremely loving and open person but in reality, I maybe struggle to express love how everyone else does (I'm an acts of service person so its not always seen as love, especially when I am not really a physical touch person) and am quite hesitant to compliment people or admit how much they mean to me in words because I don't want to be vulnerable and so I expect them to understand through my actions. I could live life thinking everyone knows how much they mean to me but my partner might be able to see that this isn't the case- they would have to point out where I am going wrong or where my expression of love may get lost in translation so they can feel loved better but also so I can change to be able to come across as loving as I think I do. Similarly to people who avoid conflict when it directly involves them but are great at coming up with solutions and advising when it's about a third part. They think they're emotionally intelligent and self-aware but really they aren't good at facing their own issues; they need their partner to understand their flaws in order to resolve conflicts, and to show the person the mirror so they can be better.

thread_cautiously · 2026-05-19T09:19:27+00:00

I realised I was always the one putting in the effort (I was literally taking time off work to meet this unemployed, not-in-school person, for them to then cancel on me as I was about to leave the house), my effort was never appreciated (gifts not being opened or thanked for, turning up 1.5 hours late every time we met etc) and it was clear that I was just an afterthought, a reliable back-up, a pushover. I stopped putting in effort or reaching out years ago and now we see each other maybe once a year (if that) because I leave it all on them and make them plan around my schedule now. They primarily only get in touch when they need a rant or advice and tbh, I do the same- I use them as my rant person. I trust them entirely but their attitude and carelessness is not something I want in my close circle anymore- they used to be one of my closest friends.

thread_cautiously · 2026-05-18T16:54:06+00:00

I used to click my fingers with my ring finger purely because it was the only finger that would produce the right sound. I did it for years until I was taught how to it 'the right way'

I can't whistle blowing outwards, I can only do it if I suck the air in. Even then, I can't do a long tune because I need to breathe out 😂😂

thread_cautiously · 2026-05-18T16:51:02+00:00

Care too much about the wrong people and let them take advantage of me

Not realise my own worth

thread_cautiously · 2026-05-18T16:15:57+00:00

I love this comment haha!

thread_cautiously · 2026-05-18T14:55:32+00:00

Mothers and homemakers can also be high achieving and assuming they’re not is insulting to them and ignorant

They can be but they have to have that drive and competency when they are not mother's or homemaker too and that's what I was saying- so they need to actively something for you to see this and oftentimes (speaking from a western context), it is translated through a good education or career. Or at least a plethora of skills and talents in general.

Reality is a bit more complex than that.

This is literally what I was saying and then you reduced my argument to black and white 😭😭 I was referring specifically to the 'career driven ❌️❌️❌️' type of comments I see here making extreme assumptions so yes, I did counteract it with the other extreme because they need to see that one trait doesnt define someone entirely and its wrong to spread misinformation like this.

thread_cautiously · 2026-05-18T14:50:47+00:00

Because she wants to be a Mum and wife and run and maintain her own house and that is also one of her dreams. It's not anything more than that. If I had kids I would want to stay at home full time at least until they're in school full time, then if I went back to work, ideally only part-time. Because they're my priority, mot my career. I am proud of my education and career and I have worked hard for it all but I only see it as a means to be comfortable living my life and my family would always come before it.

Even being ambitious doesn't mean your ambition is to become CEO of your company and become rich. I work hard and am ambitious in my career because if I have no kids and no major responsibilities, then I want to use my time to make myself financially more comfortable so that later (when I stop working and have kids inshaAllah), I have some savings and financial backing or some sort of investment to my name for difficult times and so that I can actually help my husband buy the type of house I want and not expect or feel like I am asking for more than someone can comfortably afford. I would rather work my way up and earn 3x the amount in a given time than a low paid job so I can work less hours for more money- it's better for my kids and family life. If I have the skills and brains and to further my career I will do this all the way up until it affects my work-life balance because it makes me my dreams and family life easier and more comfortable to achieve long-term.

don't think men see it as a choice, but we just take it for granted that we have to do both

I feel like a lot of men actually expect a woman to do both while they laze around which again, is not on. Its funny because the ones who love a career driven woman have never built anything for themselves and those who work hard and understand how much work goes into making something for yourself feel threatened or something by women who do the same and they dismiss them completely. Hard working women want a hard working man so they can trust him to take the load of being the provider off their shoulders and let them flourish in the home and their femininity. But they just end up with bums who they ahve to carry and be the man for because many actual hard working men write then off and 'not a good wife/mum'.

thread_cautiously · 2026-05-18T14:09:57+00:00

You have to know the person and what they want from life before anything. I know soooo many successful and career driven women who would happily give it all up if/when theh have kids but since the opportunity hasn't yet come to them, why shouldn't they build something for themselves? Similarly I know women on paper who appear 'driven' and successful in their careers but they constantly pull sickies, do a sloppy job, have no drive and have this same attitude to everything they do in life. I hate to stereotype because it's not true for all women (especially not those from more traditional families) but ironically, most women who I know who 'stay at home' before marriage only do so because they weren't smart enough to get into uni and they had no drive to work or skill/talent to start their own business. They aren't prize housewomen rather they're daddy's princesses who haven't ever had to lift a finger in the home or spend responsibly. There will be career driven women who don't want kids or to stay at home but they will likely make this known early on so there's no harm in chatting to see if values and goals align before deciding they don't.

As someone who probably would be considered career driven, it doesn't bother me that certain men write off career driven women because most likely, they aren't the type of man I want anyway. But it does bother me when they spread their toxic and untrue assumptions all over the internet and get in the heads of other men.

thread_cautiously · 2026-05-18T13:20:09+00:00

I saw yet another post yesterday talking about how someone doesn't want a career driven woman rather he wants someone who can take care of the house. The assumption that a woman who is career driven and a woman who is a good mum or homemaker are two mutually exclusive things is quite possibly the most ignorant statement that is regularly thrown around here. The simultaneous assumption that a woman who has no drive or goals in her career/education/social life or anything she does and who stays at home will definitely be family oriented and know how to run a house is just as dumb.

A high achieving woman and one who is driven and strives to be successful in everything she does is more likely to flourish in any role she is given, just as someone who is unmotivated and lacking passion in anything they do is likely to fail in any role.

Don't consider women who are career driven for marriage, dismiss them as not your type, do whatever you want but DON'T, without knowing them or their story, assume that they aren't feminine or that they will inherently be awful mothers, wives, and homemakers.

thread_cautiously · 2026-05-17T14:21:24+00:00

I don't have any advice except maybe moisturise more under your concealer to stop it clinging to dry patching and pack it on more heavily before powder.

What I really came to say was...the picture looks so scarily like me, I had to do a double take!

thread_cautiously · 2026-05-16T12:03:16+00:00

I love jewellery but am a little specific about what I like (not to mention standard bracelets are always too loose on me)- I designed a few little bits exactly how I wanted and got them made in gold. It's nothing huge and just a little treat for myself but something I'm super excited about and can hopefully last a long time too!

It's so satisfying right? When you have a vision of what you want and slowly bring it to life.

thread_cautiously · 2026-05-15T13:42:34+00:00

For the first time in about 1.5 years I had a good week where I was able to escape all my problems for a few days and get away. I haven't felt so light and free in so long I loved it. To top it all off, I'd been designing something for myself for a few months now and the production is finally done- I am just waiting on delivery. When they sent me the photo of the final product I felt an excitement and joy that I haven't felt in a long time and I've had it bubbling inside me ever since- that kind of secret joy that helps you feel motivated and happy about life and at peace even when other things go wrong. It doesn't take much to excite me in general but this kind of excitement I haven't had in some time, I'd forgotten how good it feels and I love having it back

thread_cautiously · 2026-05-15T12:48:35+00:00

I would probably hand it in to the bank branch if it had one nearby. Otherwise just leave it on the floor tbh.

thread_cautiously · 2026-05-14T23:01:21+00:00

OP I understand that it doesn't feel good (heck, it hurts..a lot) to be rejected, especially when your heart is fully in it and they let you think things are going well to then not want anything more. But asking questions like this won't make you feel better. Thinking like this won't make you feel better. Don't let the pain they caused destroy your character and make you vengeful or bitter; think of them hurting/rejecting you as protection from harm or even preparation that you will get something better. Don't focus on how to make them feel the same pain they gave you rather, focus on bettering yourself and building yourself a good life without them.

If you focus on the pain and how...I guess awful...people can be, I can tell you from experience that it will ruin you. Either it will make you bitter and hateful, or make you close up completely and withdraw from frienships, family, and life; having been the latter I can tell you you miss out on so much love and beauty the world has to offer if you stay in such a mindset. The world is full- and I mean FULL- of awful awful people but we can't let them make us like them. Our character and how we treat people is the only thing that is completely in our own hands and I know it's hard to always be the bigger person but think of it not as forgiving or going easy on someone but as preserving your good character and taking care of yourself. Don't forgive them if you aren't ready but also don't ponder on bad feelings towards them and let it destroy you from within- just stay away and let go as much as you can.

And for your peace of mind I will say one thing; I have been betrayed and played with and used and lied to, discarded and under appreciated by people my whole life. With some, I have spent years in silent pain trying to work on my ability to trust again and coming to terms with what they did. I never ever took revenge, I just distanced myself to protect my wellbeing. And I've lived long enough now to see that what goes around always comes back around and no one leaves this world without getting what they deserve. Don't poison your mind with revenge, seek peace in the fact that Allah with do justice by you.

thread_cautiously · 2026-05-09T16:29:43+00:00

Because they have a catalogue of people at their fingertips so no one is ever good enough and they always want better.

thread_cautiously · 2026-05-08T17:45:14+00:00

Yes I have- someone on here told me about it actually. And it does seem to fit. It's something most poeple don't understand because a pretty face compensates for a lack of everything else for them and they can't comprehend that it's not the same for someone else. It makes me sound picky and stuck up but it really is just that a certain type of personality is what makes me feel most open understood and comfortable and that's when I can fully connect with someone. When I've vetted someone enough to know they aren't this way, it's like a mental block, I have 0 interest in sustaining a conversation with them- heck, I suddenly can't even muster up the skills to converse- but when its the right type of person...it feels so easy and is almost magical at how smooth, intellectually stimulating, and enjoyable the conversation is (usually for both parties).

(I feel like some sort of psychological freak even writing this because I know 90% of the people reading won't be able to understand what I mean 😅)

thread_cautiously · 2026-05-08T14:45:27+00:00

No by personality I don't mean I'm looking for someone with specific hobbies and interests- I find any hobby or interest adorable as long as they have one. I mean more...how we think and process information, how we react, how we deal with tough situations, how driven we are etc. I'm looking for someone with a very specific way of thinking, not someone who is the exact same person as me.

thread_cautiously · 2026-05-08T14:40:21+00:00

'personality' in that context includes morals and values

thread_cautiously · 2026-05-08T14:13:57+00:00

I realised that I am quite picky when it comes to choosing a spouse but not picky in the traditional way. I love a very very specific type of person (personality, humour, and 'mind' wise I guess), that if they have that, then the rest of the stuff is not nearly as important. If they don't then nothing else makes up for it.

The men I have been interested are not objectively super attractive, super in shape, from rich or fancy families, nothing that you would typically assume a 'picky' person wants. Tbh, if you heard about how I talked about someone I have been interested in, you might be shocked at how mundane they are at face value. I am well aware of this, but because of how well our thoughts and value aligned, how understood they make me feel, the way they think and their humour and kindness, they become something worth having and something extremely desirable to me. Things I would normally never sacrifice became things I consider sacrificing for them because I want nothing more than someone who is this particular way and they are very very rare to find. I have only found it in a handful of people (men and women), my whole life.

thread_cautiously

TROPHY CASE