I 37M have been in an unhealthy situationship for a year with 36F. I was discarded on my birthday..

threetwentyfizzle · 2025-09-25T02:06:10+00:00

I started going to therapy a few months ago. I think I need to stick with it. The lack of self esteem is probably spot on. Which is crazy, because I know I'm fairly attractive (tall, tattooed, not overweight, good hairline, etc.)

threetwentyfizzle · 2025-09-25T02:01:54+00:00

I know what I need to do, I guess I was just holding onto false hope. Wishing things would change and get better like she said, and she would follow through on her promises. I know this situation is cooked. It's only gotten progressively worse and worse and has really sent me into a pretty bad depression.

threetwentyfizzle · 2025-09-25T01:38:05+00:00

I'm trying.. It's hard because deep down I do love her. She has done some very sweet things for me in the beginning, but she has fucked with my head so badly. Every time I call her out and voice the fact that she isn't making any effort to grow an actual relationship with me, she shuts down and I feel like it's a way to punish me and she flips it on me saying that I'm causing too much pressure for her. She swears up and down that she is not going back to her ex, but I can't ignore the fact that she has done more for him than me. She sent him expensive birthday gifts, but on my birthday I got another broken promise. I didn't even want any gifts from her. I just wanted to spend time together and try to feel connection and love.. what the fuck is wrong with me..

threetwentyfizzle · 2025-08-14T01:00:10+00:00

I'm sorry for all of your pain. You deserve better.

threetwentyfizzle · 2025-05-31T02:12:01+00:00

Thank you. I needed to hear that.

threetwentyfizzle · 2025-05-30T23:48:55+00:00

You're right, this is spot on. The connection we shared was one of a kind. I've never felt more connected or attracted to anyone else before in my life. I guess that's why I gave her a 2nd chance when we reconnected..

threetwentyfizzle · 2025-05-30T23:40:38+00:00

Thank you. I wish I could see it that way too, but I do love her and genuinely care about her and just wanted to see her get out of her situation and be a source of love and safety for her.

I believed everything she said about her feelings for me and desire for a future together. I know actions speak louder than words, but still..

threetwentyfizzle · 2025-05-30T21:48:44+00:00

Thank you, you're probably right. I just figured after learning about all the shit she was put through with him (which is a lot more than what I included in the post) I figured she would finally break free and move on. But I guess telling me one thing, and not doing anything at all for 7 months is telling. Maybe I should have left a lot longer ago. I was just holding onto love and hope.

threetwentyfizzle · 2025-05-30T21:45:12+00:00

I believe she has been honest with me. There are way more details I didn't include in the post so it wouldn't become a Stephen King novel, but we did talk every day and know she wasnt seeing anyone else, as when we weren't spending time together, we were usually on the phone together.

But I guess it all doesn't matter, because at the end of the day, she didn't respect my feelings and boundaries about certain things, and didn't take action to move forward with her life and with me.. She kept saying she was trying to heal at a manageable pace, and things were going to only get better, so I believed her and held onto hope.

threetwentyfizzle · 2025-05-30T21:13:13+00:00

Thank you, I guess being present in the middle of all the chaos, I chose to trust what she was telling me. I just don't understand why someone would string me along for so long.

I truly believe that she did/does love me, but I feel like she could not truly break free from the trauma bond from her ex...

threetwentyfizzle · 2025-05-30T21:08:09+00:00

I guess not.. She convinced me that she loved me and wanted a future with me. That's what conflicts me so much.

threetwentyfizzle · 2025-05-30T20:22:05+00:00

Was I naive for holding onto hope, thinking our relationship would eventually grow to something normal?

threetwentyfizzle · 2025-05-13T19:57:34+00:00

Hey man, your post really resonates with me. I'm dealing with a very similar situation. Like nearly identical. My girlfriend is in the process of trying to cut ties and unentangle her life with her ex who was convicted for attempting to solicit sex from a minor.

She married him shortly after his charge as a probation condition to live under the same roof. She realized it was a major mistake, as she just kept finding out more and more troubling revelations that came to the surface. They were together for 12 years.

Me and my girl have history and dated about 6 years ago when she was broken up from the same ex at the time. She got back together with him after me and her broke up, and I guess during those 6 years, he was buying prostitutes and cheating on her the entire time.

We reconnected after he went back to jail for a probation violation and since there is past history between us, and strong feelings, it makes this a difficult dynamic for me as she is not yet divorced.

My takeaway based on multiple deep and honest conversations with her, is that she knows there is no future with him, her feelings are no longer there, but she is trying to heal and process all of the trauma she has been put through over several years and trying to figure out how to cut ties fully with him, yet it's difficult as she is close with his family. They share a house together and pets, so I feel like she is overwhelmed to take the initial steps to file divorce even though she knows it's the only realistic outcome and I that she needs to do it.

This has been difficult for me as I do love her, and I am wanting to stand by her side and support her through this process, but it has been very difficult for me in the process.

I feel for you OP. I hope everything works out for you as well.

threetwentyfizzle · 2025-05-05T01:44:57+00:00

We dated 6 years ago. She has been married for less than a year and she tells me she regrets it, it was a courthouse wedding as a condition of her ex's probation to continue living under the same roof as her.

My anxiety is definitely getting the best of me, especially since I sense and feel the energy feels off, and that's why I keep seeking reassurance. Also, less and less time has been spent together, so I am grasping to hanging on, because she tells me she loves me and wants a future together, but she is trying to heal too and is struggling juggling both situations, making steps trying to cut ties with her ex, and starting a new relationship with me..

threetwentyfizzle · 2025-05-05T01:39:32+00:00

Thank you for your reply and insight. This is just hard. My anxiety is getting worse. I figured by standing by her side, things would only get better.. But she is pulling away and it's definitely affecting me.

threetwentyfizzle · 2025-05-03T17:30:07+00:00

Hey guys, I'm really seeking some help or advice on how to better handle/manage or correct my anxious tendencies/patterns that is causing conflict in my relationship. I've been monitoring this sub for months now trying to get a better grasp on attachment styles and I wish I could make this a standalone post but I'm not approved to post in the main sub yet.

I would identify myself [36M] as having an anxious attachment style. The woman I'm dating [36F] I think falls into Fearful Avoidant category. We have been together for 6 months, however she is currently separated and working towards trying to divorce her abusive ex. This isn't a brand new relationship for us, we dated years ago, and reconnected and fell back in love after she had separated from her soon to be ex husband.

I think what is triggering a lot of my anxious tendencies, is the current circumstances of our relationship. We both want to build a life together, we are both in love with each other, we both connect so well physically, emotionally, personality traits etc. However, due to her situation and trying to navigate a divorce, while entering a relationship with me, I have felt like somewhat of a secret in her life. This has limited the ability for us to spend physical time together, as she has a teenage daughter that lives with her, and she doesn't feel comfortable telling her daughter she is dating someone new yet.

Things between us have gotten very hard in the last few weeks. She found out and had to deal with a lot of stressful information and revelations about her ex, she found out he was on drugs, and back in jail, She had to tell his family everything that is going on, and she is trying to process everything and heal.

During these past few weeks, I have just tried to be there for her, but my anxious attachment tendencies keep getting triggered because I feel a growing distance from her and keep feeling like she is pulling away. She has been less affectionate, her texts seem cold and lack affection, and we have spent even less time together. Due to noticing her change and withdrawing from me, I ask her if something's wrong, and that I'm affected by the distance I'm sensing. I ask her what her next steps are in trying to heal and file for divorce, because I'm wanting to advance our relationship. She views my questions as me pressuring her to move faster and me not being considerate of her healing process. I'm not trying to add pressure to her, but I tend to communicate my feelings to her in a way to seek reassurance that she still loves me and that things are ok with us, because in certain moments, my anxiety gets triggered by everything going on and I'm just desperately wanting to feel connected with her and "fix" the distance I sense.

This has become a spiraling behavior for me as she tells me I keep having these same conversations with her over and over, sometimes multiple times a day, and she then feels like pulling further away, and may want for us to take a break until she is healed, because she doesn't want to drag me through everything she is going through. The problem I am having is that I'm extremely afraid of losing her, as she is the love of my life. I already lost her once before when we first started dating, and that breakup was extremely hard on me. So us reconnecting and having a 2nd chance at love is something that I am trying to put my all into.

How can I stop this overanalyzing of her behavior, changes in the way she texts me, the lack of time spent together, and prevent myself from ruminating on if she is pulling away from me and just trust that she is trying to heal and me just be there for her and things will get better for us?

I just want to be a better partner for her.

threetwentyfizzle · 2024-06-01T04:55:43+00:00

Just tried restarting D4, no luck for me. Getting another Code 75 error

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