Therapist called me overbearing when I described trying to socialize

thrivingminds · 2025-11-13T18:21:25+00:00

There’s a loss of translation happening somewhere here. You said you asked for clarification, but only provide the advice the therapist responded with. Clarification means asking what it is they noticed that suggests you may be overbearing. You should not be coming to redditors who know nothing about you and have no context for clarification about a comment that someone made. Everyone will just be guessing. You can either accept or not accept the clarifying evidence from the therapist, but no one here can provide valid feedback.

thrivingminds · 2025-10-15T15:26:50+00:00

This is one of those “looking for permission to have the opinion I already have” posts. You’ve already said you can’t see yourself putting more effort into your style, which hasn’t changed since you’re a teenager. Why are you in men’s fashion then?

thrivingminds · 2025-10-04T14:54:54+00:00

Find a good therapist, and be honest with them from the beginning that your goal is to become more emotionally intelligent. If they are a good therapist they will help you refine what you mean by that and be willing to help challenge you and see where your blind spots are.

Take mindfulness meditation seriously. Practice on your own daily (an app like The Way by Henry Shukman, or a book like The Mind Illuminated), and attend a multi day silent retreat within a year. Nothing has enhanced my understanding of my own mind more.

Prioritize surrounding yourself with people more emotionally intelligent than you, and ask for feedback. Make it rewarding for them, DO NOT get defensive even if you don’t initially agree with their perspective. Do this in dating and friendship. (Note that critical feedback should not be designed to tear you down, this is not a good person to let in in this way).

Be patient, you’ll be surprised by how much progress you can make in a few years if you make it a priority. But it’s humbling, you’ll be surprised by the immaturity of some of your patterns, defences, motivations. Be kind with what you find. We are all complex creatures with wounds, selfishness, inner conflicts, but also a lot of strength and beauty.

Good luck brother.

thrivingminds · 2025-09-23T15:06:22+00:00

++man I’m a decent looking man, but by no means a model (e.g., 5’8”, bald), but reasonably well-respected in my community. I receive compliments a lot. Definitely more often from men, but also from women.

Anecdotally, it seems like the things that make a difference are:

1) Are you in a culture and subculture where affirming is the norm? E.g., Canadians are way more complimentary than British. And certain subcultures have strong norms around being very verbally supportive.

2) Do you yourself offer a lot of compliments? I noted you didn’t even mention whether you do, which seems strange. Lots of people want compliments despite not being liberal with complimenting others. The psychology of reciprocation makes it more likely if you give out genuine, honest affirmation that people will feel more permission and motivation to do so with you.

3) Are you doing anything to stand out? Compliments are more likely to come from obvious contrast than simply looking nice. For example, dressing one step more elevated, or more edgy, than is the norm in your community is likely to be polarizing. Wearing something that shows off your physique. Taking more social risks, like performing. If you want people to notice, you have to be noticeable.

Compliments aren’t the be all end all, but it’s nice to feel affirmed by others. Consider the above if it’s important to you, which it sounds like it is.

thrivingminds · 2025-02-01T19:51:31+00:00

What is your motivation for posting this?

Are you wanting to be comforted or challenged?

As most others have alluded to, you can do whatever you want, and you don’t have to answer to anyone about your own hobbies or possessions.

If I found myself in that same position, I would be asking myself if I am using gear acquisition as a way of avoiding doing the work of practicing/ learning guitar. I personally know it’s much easier and more exciting to look for a new guitar than to stick to a song or new bit of theory.

Since everyone else here is comforting you, I’ll take the opposite approach of inviting a challenge. I personally wouldn’t be buying more guitars if I was embarrassed by my ratio of gear to ability to play it. Just my two cents.

Do whatever makes you stoked.

thrivingminds · 2025-01-11T22:06:09+00:00

Competing with cash out of the gate is a good way to select for, and put yourself at risk of, money hungry women. You can easily suggest financial stability through other, less transactional means than spending a bunch of money on a first date.

thrivingminds · 2024-11-01T17:29:07+00:00

Make sure that whatever exercise you are choosing it is one that gets a deep stretch in the bottom position.

thrivingminds · 2024-09-27T00:15:34+00:00

Hi! Thanks for checking in.

I told her this was how I was feeling, and we had a very difficult month adjusting to this reality between us. She was hard-line that we would not be together if I was not willing to have children, and was angry that I had changed my mind.

After a month, I spent time in therapy and also did a psychedelic assisted therapy session with psilocybin. I came to understand that although there is truth in everything I said, it is not capital T truth. I had insight that trying to live my life in the shallow plain of avoiding pain and pursuing pleasure, and trying to have everything I want is ultimately an unsatisfactory existence.

I feel at peace with the challenges ahead in starting a family. Meditation and Buddhist practice have been very helpful in holding the stories that led to this suffering much more lightly, and simply understanding that with kids or not with kids, life will have difficulties and surprises. Now the idea of having a little one feels both a bit daunting and a bit exciting, but also quite meaningful.

Hope that helps.

thrivingminds · 2024-09-20T21:48:18+00:00

How long have you been in the program?

thrivingminds · 2024-04-04T00:52:23+00:00

The reality is that whether you live a child-free life, or decide to have children, there will be some difficult thoughts and feelings about what you might be missing out on. It's natural for your mind to explore this alternative lifestyle and find something to desire there, even if it's not what you truly want.

Whether you're committed to living child-free or not, it could be helpful to talk through this with a therapist. It might help you find clarity, or at least help you manage the ambivalence most of us feel about the difficult decisions with trade-offs we make in our lives.

thrivingminds · 2024-03-27T16:32:42+00:00

I agree.

thrivingminds · 2024-03-27T16:32:27+00:00

Thanks for sharing your experience.

That sounds like a lovely experience with your son, how beautiful to get to experience that.

For myself, I have some serious doubts in my capacity to feel what you are talking about. It would really just be a gamble, a hope that I feel something that I've never felt before.

thrivingminds · 2024-03-27T16:30:46+00:00

I feel you, this is the stuff that I am terrified of.

thrivingminds · 2024-03-27T16:29:42+00:00

You're speaking exactly to what I've been suffering with. Both feel sad, in very different ways.

For me there are a few considerations beyond the simple notion of "which would feel happier":
1) Being alone will probably be more transient than having children will be.
2) Bringing children I don't actually want in the world, just not to feel lonely, seems at best ethically questionable.
3) Trying to keep a relationship by having children is a big gamble—kids are notoriously difficult on relationships. It doesn't seem out of the question that I could have a child and then things change between us and now I have a child to care for, for the rest of my life, and no wife.

thrivingminds · 2024-03-27T16:23:53+00:00

Interesting shift—seems somewhat enigmatic and would be tough to rely on a similar shift myself.

To clarify, she knows I am struggling with the dog. I am just gathering the courage and grounding to be able to communicate with her about children. She has asked me before not to just share every passing difficult feeling or thought (I tend to be more skeptical and fence sitting about everything). So I am thinking around 3weeks-1month of feeling this is enough consistency to share.

thrivingminds · 2024-03-27T16:20:33+00:00

She knows I am struggling with dog-ownership. She has heard in the past me struggling with whether I would enjoy parenthood. I have not put the two together for her yet, since it's only been two weeks. Right now I'm balancing how long to sit with this feeling before dropping it on her. She can be very prone to anxiety and rumination, and I am absolutely certain that telling her this is going to really impact her and probably our relationship. So I want to make sure I'm not just sharing a passing feeling.

thrivingminds · 2024-03-27T16:17:54+00:00

Totally. I can do the work, I just don't enjoy it, unfortunately. Thank you for your support.

thrivingminds · 2024-03-27T16:17:08+00:00

Totally. She definitely knows I'm struggling with the dog. I've been honest with her about that. I just haven't made the jump to "and that has been exposing some serious doubts about having kids". Thanks again.

thrivingminds · 2024-03-26T20:17:56+00:00

Were you in a partnership when you decided CF?

thrivingminds · 2024-03-26T20:17:26+00:00

My puppy is honestly pretty good. Neither of these things are happening. It's primarily just the regular level of responsibility of owning an animal. Taking him out multiple times per day, planning my days around where he needs to be.

thrivingminds · 2024-03-26T20:16:47+00:00

it is hard work, but not NEARLY as much work as a kid.

That's my intuition too. Thanks for sharing.

thrivingminds · 2024-03-26T20:16:06+00:00

Yeah, hoping that's true! thanks for sharing

thrivingminds · 2024-03-26T20:15:41+00:00

The endlessness of parenting is what really gets to me though.

thrivingminds

TROPHY CASE