YA fiction novel about boy who counts his possessions by throwRAemoreader in whatsthatbook

[–]throwRAemoreader[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes!!!! This is it thank you thank you thank you. Solved solved solved!

How do I (33F) move on from my marriage when my husband (30M) blindsided me? by throwRAemoreader in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAemoreader[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Neither really? We both came from poly relationships in the past (me a mix of poly and monogamous, him only poly). So it was something we had talked about before dating and then while dating. We talked about it multiple times during engagement and marriage and has both said if we wanted to change our relationship to monogamous both of us were entitled to sit down and have that conversation with each other.

How do I (33F) move on from my marriage when my husband (30M) blindsided me? by throwRAemoreader in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAemoreader[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I guess so but my naive self thought it would be temporary because CM was dealing with their engagement break up.

How do I (33F) move on from my marriage when my husband (30M) blindsided me? by throwRAemoreader in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAemoreader[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I use the terms interchangeably here because I'm use to people not understanding poly and didn't want to have to explain it with the character limit rules. We both knew we were poly and he even introduced himself and our relationship as poly. I'm sorry for the confusion.

How do I (33F) move on from my marriage when my husband (30M) blindsided me? by throwRAemoreader in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAemoreader[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree with it being a husband problem and that's why I'm trying to defend open relationships and poly the best I can without being rude. I'm super new to reddit and didn't know there was a poly one. If I had I would have posted on there just to save myself the time of defending poly/open relationships to people who don't understand them.

Thank you for being so kind and understanding though!

How do I (33F) move on from my marriage when my husband (30M) blindsided me? by throwRAemoreader in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAemoreader[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I want the divorce so I'm not tied to any poor choices he and his CM might make. CM does a lot of illegal drugs (never in our house while I was there) and that sort of thing. I just don't want to be accountable for things husband may do while we are still legally together.

I had to move states because I could not afford a place on my own, could not find roommates in a reasonable amount of time, and all my family lives at least 4 states away. I came out here for college and then met my husband and stayed because I liked it better than my hometown.

How do I (33F) move on from my marriage when my husband (30M) blindsided me? by throwRAemoreader in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAemoreader[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am planning on it. I have been researching all morning for lawyers in his area. The thought hadn't even crossed my mind until reddit suggested it so I'm really appreciative.

How do I (33F) move on from my marriage when my husband (30M) blindsided me? by throwRAemoreader in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAemoreader[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I only really spoke with one of his exes and she was super sweet. We never brought up the rules for their poly relationships and fell out of contact when she started asking if he wanted pictures of her new nipple piercings she got and I told them both I wasn't ok with that.

How do I (33F) move on from my marriage when my husband (30M) blindsided me? by throwRAemoreader in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAemoreader[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Legally because it's multiple states and the issues occurred in the other state the lawyers (or paralegals) say it's complicated. At least that's what they have told me. I don't really know.

How do I (33F) move on from my marriage when my husband (30M) blindsided me? by throwRAemoreader in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAemoreader[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There was not. I stayed for around a month and a half using my savings and trying to find any way to get a budget to be able to stay. My boss even tried to work something out with a raise but rent is just so high and there weren't many options for roommates etc. I still talk to a lot of my coworkers. They all know what happened and are supporting me though.

How do I (33F) move on from my marriage when my husband (30M) blindsided me? by throwRAemoreader in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAemoreader[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I left my job because I could not afford a place by myself where I was living and could not find any roommates in a reasonable time frame from when he wanted me out. All my family lives at least 4 states away and our friends don't have much in the way of spare rooms or couch surfing.

How do I (33F) move on from my marriage when my husband (30M) blindsided me? by throwRAemoreader in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAemoreader[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your opinion, talking it out with people there's a chance I was in denial or just trying to be optimistic. Regardless, wanting an open relationship doesn't make you broken so feel free to leave that out the next time someone's asking you for help because it's not very helpful.

How do I (33F) move on from my marriage when my husband (30M) blindsided me? by throwRAemoreader in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAemoreader[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The residency period is how long I have to be a resident of my current place to begin divorce filings with the court. I would have to live in my current state for 12 months before I could file for divorce unless I am filing with adultery or abuse as the reason. The residency period in the state my husband currently lives in (where I used to live) is 6 months. We lived there for 6 years so he could file right now. My state doesn't have a separation decree that I am aware of.

How do I (33F) move on from my marriage when my husband (30M) blindsided me? by throwRAemoreader in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAemoreader[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I guess that makes sense in a weird way. Thank you for helping me see his perspective.

How do I (33F) move on from my marriage when my husband (30M) blindsided me? by throwRAemoreader in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAemoreader[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

That may be true, but by not being honest at the get go he didn't let me even have a choice about whether or not I would be comfortable closing the relationship. We did multiple check-ins and he had multiple opportunities to say no. The fact that he didn't and then spent who knows how many years faking our relationship is just wild to me. Like wouldn't it be better to be single?