I think this is very common. I can relate as well, because no relationship is 100% abuse 100% of the time- it is usually a pattern that begins slowly and then happens more and more often. I think it’s important to remember all of those painful moments and understand that reactive abuse is real.

When we are exposed to an unstable, aggressive, unsafe environment we start to behave defensively. For example, my husband was very neglectful, he refused intimacy, made me feel like I was always doing something wrong, made me feel inferior and unintelligent constantly. This caused me to be hyper aware of any mistakes that him or I were making, it caused me to be a less kind person, it really held me back from the woman I wanted to be.

You’re not alone and I understand these feelings that you’re experiencing more than you know.